Archive for the ‘Nonsensical How tos and guides’ Category

 The problem with our country is that we’re too many. In every corner of even the remotest place in a distant city you’ll find 1-2 million people and that’s just like .08 percent of our population.  Of course there will be millions who are in a relationship, millions who are single and millions who are dead married.

So here’s something, mixed with humor-satire-sarcasm (and lies) from our daily lives to tell you what not to do this valentine.

  1. An InterCaste Relationship:
    So you’re planning to propose her. Wow! How not obvious would that be! But think about it. Is she of the same caste as you?  Will your (or her) parents approve? And if the parents do, what about the society? I mean, aren’t random people we don’t know the most important people in the world? Do not go ahead with this. I repeat, DO NOT!!
  2. Dressing Provocatively :
    Hey girl… yes you… So you planned to go out with him tonight in the sexiest dress possible? Yes, the same shoulderless one.  Funny how you didn’t think about the “Vishwa Hindu Parishad”, “ShivSena”, “RSS” and a thousand more random groups ready to beat you up on every park/beach/mall out there. Better wear a burka… and don’t you dare look out!
  3. Speaking for something:
    You’re right. India is a democratic republic and there is a thing called freedom of speech. So yes, let our politicians exercise that right with all the random words/abuses/pepper sprays/knives and you, keep quiet! Thinking of putting up an FB status against this?  You do know people get jailed for stuff like that, right?
  4. Homosexuality:
    We are a freaking billion. There is of course many guys with a different sexual orientation too. But hold on bro, this is India. We’re a country where even the movie would be named 377 instead of 300 and the guy getting kicked would be Gay! Don’t even dare to think about this.377-this-is-indiaaaaa-coming-soon-in-a-parliament-near-you
  5. Thinking about the nasty! :
    Did you know that this 377 thing can put you behind bars for years? It sure can if you’re into anything unnatural. And when I say unnatural I refer to most of the stuff that happens naturally on the Valentine’s day with many.
  6. Going out in a traditional wear (Men only):
    If you’re alone and someone confuses you to be an activist, you may face the wrath of many! Parts of your body you don’t even notice normally will hurt pretty bad. 
  7. Write an article on 7 things not to do this valentine:
    Because I already did that.
    You can do something different, innovative and entirely different though. Like.. 10 things not to do this valentine!

 

Disclaimer: This article wasn’t meant to hurt anyone’s feelings. Your relationship status is already doing that job well.
If you liked it, do make a comment, I hear that makes the writers happy.

 

PS: This article has also been published here http://youthdiaries.in/7-valentine-shubham-choudhary/.

Do check out this amazing effort by YouthDiaries for the Valentine. http://www.facebook.com/youthdiaries/photos/a.304267172943188.61617.303200656383173/625869487449620/?type=1&theater

Disclaimer: All the things I have ever talked about on this blog, I really mean them. In case I have knowingly and on purpose hurt anyone’s feelings, I am really sorry for your poor luck and bad hairstyle (yeah I just felt like adding that.)

Well hello people! You know today’s a special day now don’t you? I turn two today. *Claps* *Birthday songs* *Cheers* Thank you thank you. So I was talking to one of my friends and he told me that the blog is about humor and I have not been writing on that for a long time now. So I thought why not get back to the old track on the special day? So here it is, an article to help every poor soul on this earth (AKA: FriendZoned guys).

This one tells you, how to know if it’s really a date or not. (And how not to panic if it really is!). So you like her. Hang out with her. She likes you too, as a ‘friend’! How merciless and heart wrenching, is it? But there is 0.341% chance that you can still get a girl who isn’t going to put you in the friendzone, ok, 0.0341%, but don’t be sad, chance is still there right! Just read this.

How often does that happen? You and her, chatting up as usual, laughing and all when all of a sudden you drop in the idea of ‘watching the man of steel show together’ or maybe ‘trying the new double cheese pizza by dominos’ and to your surprise, without a slight delay she says yes. Now that puts you in doubt, is it a date? For you it is, but is it for her? Situation is even worse when she asked you out and you have no friggin idea if that was ‘asking out’ or asking out (you know the difference, right?).

i-dont-always-flirt-when-i-do-i-get-friendzoned

  1. Study the place you guys will be going to. See, saying yes to a ‘man of steel’ show is like accepting your friend request on a social network, not your proposal. It just means she likes Superman, not you. Also applies to Batman, Spiderman and any other man with superpowers. (Not the Indian Ra.One, Marry her if she is ready to watch that with you!)
  2.  So it is a movie, but you are going to have a pizza too after that. Now that tells something, doesn’t it? Yeah… her taste in good food! You bozo! What kind of a girl would go for a pizza on her first date? (The cool one, I know, but since she is going out with you, we’ve already established she is insane.)
  3. To know for sure she is not into you, you could try some advanced ways. Try asking her to choose a shirt for you to buy. Now a not so close one would be trying to avoid that. A too close ‘friend’ would mock you for your bad choice and then go ahead and choose some. And the kind you want, ‘close’ in a different way, would be ready to choose, but not vehemently and would go for formal wear (Mark… My… MWords.)
  4. While many guys find it attractive, I find it extremely anti-feminist that the guy has to pay. But yeah, she went out with you and you had to pay means three cases.

A:  She didn’t offer. : Either a great friend or a freeloader, my money is on latter, a phrase which btw, would never be said by her.

B: She offered and you rejected but she insisted hard and then settled for ‘she pays the next time’. : You sir, are SuperStupendousOutrageouslyFriendZoned. Ask yourself, do you WANT a next time?

C: She offered so sheepishly that you had to say no and pay. : She is the one, man! She is the one!

5. While watching a movie together with a friend is followed by some casual remarks and a normal bye, a date like this is generally followed by awkward silence, random chat and super awkward moments where you lead for a hug and she expects a handshake (even worse when you were going for a kiss.. what.. no.. never happened with me, just saying… what? no..! you suck!).

What I am saying is, just sense what she is going for and if it is anything more than a handshake and she says ‘call me’, she is definitely in!

 

6. Just call her and tell her you really liked it and would like to do it again. There can be a few possible replies.

  • Like:

A. Really, same movie, again! (She isn’t into you, she is funny, give me her number!)

B. Sure, but this time with our dates. (Got it? Go bang your head now.)

C. Not really, I got bored. (She is… well do I need to spoon feed thou?)

D. Ah, yeah why not. This time you chose the place. (Highly unlikely, and I only said this to cover everything. But yeah, you scored!)

Confused-guy

           7 . If aforementioned ways weren’t enough, ask her directly. Although I’d recommend some witnesses and at least one protective gear while you do that.

That’s it. Like those? Did you now…? really? Well, in case you did then don’t forget to leave a comment. In case you didn’t, leave one anyway, you wasted quite a lot of time coming all the way till here.

Once again, happy birthday to me and to the launch of Apollo XI, the thing that put Neil Armstrong on moon if you remember. This was post number 74 , and the blog has now crossed over 55,000 views. Thank you 😀

If you were to ask my friends, I’d probably be the last guy to give any kind of advice on hair and hairstyles according to them. And hence, when I saw this post on Indiblogger to post something about ‘perfect straight hair’ I thought I shouldn’t do it. Since 1) I am a guy and this one seems to be a girls’ topic. 2) The aforementioned reason, were there, I closed the browser and started typing random stuff that came to my mind. And apparently, this post happened.

And now that I see, they actually wanted Crazy, Whacky and Weird Ideas only. So here we go.

Today is 12-12-12. A date which won’t appear for the next 100 years and we won’t be seeing such a repetition again for that much time (till the next 01-01-01 comes). So let’s add one more 12 to the count and roll with it.

  1. Remember those ‘center shock’ ads around 10 years back? They claimed they could get your hair straight. Although that chewing gum is hard to find now, you can still manage to make one at home. Mix some concentrated lemon juice with tamarind and dissolve around 2 Tablespoon salt in it. Drink it in one go, if you survive, it will be with straight hair!
  2. Ever had a grill sandwich? Yummy isn’t it. Now don’t switch off the grill after taking out the sandwich. Wrap silver foil around your hair and put them in it. Press the hood hard till you’re sure they’re straight (I’d recommend having someone around to keep a check on your breath… umm… in case it’s gone!)
  3. You won’t iron your hair, right? Coz that would be weird! How about using a steam iron though? At least make it trendy!
  4. This 12-12-12 thing reminds me that we won’t have such a repetition again. Or will we? Those who want a 13-13-13 can totally listen to Himesh’s song “Tera-Tera-Tera Surooooorrrrrr”. No matter what happens, I am pretty sure his voice will get you enough shocks to give an erection to your hair!
  5. Getting straight here isn’t tough, if you see that like this. Listen to “Dabangg 2” songs. ALL of them. Yes… ALL!!! I can bet that you’ll be pulling your hair so much in the meanwhile that they’ll become straight. Rock lovers, replace Dabangg with Justin Beiber.

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6. Let’s get a little sciency now. Take some iron nails and some feviquick. Empty the tube in a plate filled of the nails and before the nails stick to the plate, stick them to your hair. Now stick a magnet to your shoes and wear them. The nails  ttract to the magnet and the curls just vanish. See, who could tell what you learned in class 5 would help so much.

7. So we’ve tried Eatables, Instruments, Music and Science. What’s left? I’ll tell you. Kids. We all have that bunch of little weirdoes around who will do anything to make your time like hell. Every under-3-feet kid has this habit of pulling your hair when they’re irritated.

So lift one off the ground and in case he/she doesn’t pull your hair, there’s no harm in tickling a bit to get them to do it (Unless their parents are around.)
8. Are you rich? What? Yes? Will you marr… err… nothing. You must be having a garage and a car then. Go lie in your garage and roll over a car or a motor vehicle over your hair. They’ll get straight, stylish and the treads of the tyres might as well give them a new shape!

9. This one is actually a serious one. Suggested by my sister. Use a comb regularly and read this http://www.sunsilk.com.au/expertise/best-hairstyle-is-as-straight-as-can-be.html. I hear it works! (Since I have a lot of female readers, I’d prefer a feedback on this one 😉 )

10. While I am suggesting everything to get you straight hair in every not-so-possible way, people would say why have straight hair at all!? When you can have superb curvy… err… curly looks.

I’ll tell you why. Coz then you’d look like this.

devaang style

My fellow MNITians will know the reason of my death in the next few days now! 😛

11. Listen to 12 Rajinikanth jokes and tell yourself that Rajinikanth can’t get your hair straight. Since it’s his birthday, he won’t kill you, but he’ll surely straighten up your hair by thinking about it.

12. When none of the above ways work and you’ve reached till here, look in the mirror, you already have straight hair! After all you read a full post on my blog. Not a cake walk I tell you!

So this is it. I have tried not making sense as long as I could, if by mistake I made sense somewhere, that was purely coincidental and unintentional. Kindly bear with it.

Also wish me luck, maybe the super awesome sunsilk people will give me a goodie for writing this! 😛

And you do know my book is published, write… err… right?
Buy it here: www.bit.ly/booklinks, www.bit.ly/booklandmark, www.bit.ly/bookflipkart 🙂

 

PS: Thank you Shubham Khandelwal, my co-author in the most liked post till date of this blog “The Resume of a girl” for his inputs in the post. 🙂

You… yes… you! I am talking to you bozo! Where do you think you are going? Just because I didn’t write anything funny for a month, you think you can just unsubscribe! Not that easy buttercup.

And because you had such a lame idea of moving away from this blog, not only I spammed you and brought you back, I’ll also make sure you read this another post filled up of my useless experience and aimless sarcasm.
Also, I heard that while no updates were here, guys were actually able to go on perfect dates… now we can’t let that happen, can we?!

We all love gifts. Girls, to be specific, love gifts on every occasion… like their birthdays, results, first meeting anniversaries, marriage anniversaries, their pet’s birthday, cousin’s marriage, when they look good (to appreciate), when they are not looking good (to cheer up), when they feel good (to celebrate), when they’re not feeling good (to make them feel good) etc. etc. etc.

This post is about choosing a gift. Since ages man has struggled to choose the perfect gift for his dream girl… or well… any girl for that matter.  All this started when Adam chose the first wrong gift for Eve, the apple. And the humanity came into existence after that! Since then, he sometimes gifted a stone and sometimes a wheel, sometimes a radio and sometimes some junk of steel. But women! Will they ever know how important these things actually were! All they could see was how ugly those things were.

All in all, the world has developed and so has man… umm… a little bit. So we now understand what women want (Or at least we pretend we do). So how should we choose a gift? Let’s start with your girlfriend. (Imagine one; I know you don’t have it in real.)

You know every girl has that one guy who she loved but could never get. And one guy who was crazy about her and could never get her. And then there’s you who accidentally slipped a text saying I love you to her instead of her hot friend who you actually aimed for. Well, while the first guy is the lucky one, our aim is to find the second guy.
You know him? Brilliant!
Catch him and ask him what he would give to her as a present.
Make a list of everything he says. Congrats, you now have a list you can cut off from the options.  Well there was a reason he couldn’t get her, wasn’t there!

Next up: Find a shop. Cosmetics is the easiest way to go, so dig a little deeper, do some research, consult some female friends, watch some ads and well… buy the product that is displayed on the poster outside the mall. This isn’t your final gift, this is to accompany the major one in case she gets pissed off at that, which, let’s face it, she will.

Now, major gift. We have many options. Dedicating a poem, making a scrapbook, singing a song or making a mix tape of her favorite songs, this is what you do when you’re broke and she’s mad about you. Otherwise go the classic way, shed some bucks!

In that category, we put the gifts that wealthy people give. Like, throwing her a surprise party (this way you’ll also get to talk privately to the hot friend), giving her a day off in a luxury spa or maybe giving her treat at the best restaurant of the city.

Now here’s where I come to your rescue. Now who wants to spend money when there is an easy way out! Since ages, man has ignored one fact that every woman knows about him, that he is stupid when it comes to understanding women. He can be a rocket scientist, a top-notch percussionist, a world-famous writer or maybe a gold medalist athlete, but he is stupid. And we don’t have to be embarrassed about that, because frankly, who has even tried!

So when you don’t understand her, you won’t obviously know what kind of food she will prefer on her b’day night or what friends she’d like to invite in her birthday party. Now here are two ways to get that done.

1)      The hard work: This is the one you’re gonna say you used. Here you talk to her for an hour daily, make a list of her favorite things and her best friends, ask her every freaking detail about her choices and obviously, getting her a mix tape of her favorite songs. (What’s with girls and Enrique I’ll never know, right!?)

2)      The hot friend: This is the one you’re actually gonna use. Remember everything you had to do? Just make a list and ask her hottest (and the best) friend to do the honors. You just make the tape and get the credit.

Some pointers here. You see every group of girls has that one hot girl on whom everyone tries his luck. And we all know your girlfriend ain’t that girl. So if you have trouble finding the best hot friend, either you are with her (Which is not possible) or this group doesn’t have that girl (in that case, you’re a moron and I forbid you from reading further!)

To all the girls who are mad at me, isn’t this girl cute? 😀

If in case you forgot to think of a gift well before the occasion, do one of these things. Open any collage making software, find 4-8 pictures of her and scramble them on a mushy background. Decorate it with some stars, bells, maybe a santa hat and get it printed. Stick a chocolate above, good to go!

In case you have to wish belated. Get ready with a 20 minute long speech of why you could not wish her on time since your very important interview and bad health struck at the same time. And then with the aforementioned gift, stick a sorry card and one “best girlfriend” card too.

Girls, who have been wondering that how none of this post was true and how they don’t like gifts this way and how feelings matter more and how they’d prefer a simple message over an expensive necklace, I whole heartily apologize for spreading such nonsense, but this will get you better gifts from now on.

Anyway, this post is over, as you all know I am a published author now. This Tuesday you’ll get to see my book online. Do buy it, though I won’t recommend gifting that to your partner 😉

Hola amigos. I hope I find all of you in good health, because you’re gonna need one hell of an appetite to eat what I am going to explain next.

In case you’re wondering what is happening, let me tell you, I am the same Shubham who used to write sarcastic articles and weird observations. Just that I am a decent cook and I never got to brag about it. So I thought, why not! Let’s tell people about something they would never expect from me.

Thanks to Indian Bloggers League and my team Kolkata Knight Writers for giving me this opportunity to tell you all about a dish which I call, “Fusion Paneer Sizzler”. As the name tells, it’s a sizzler made from… err… Paneer (or cottage cheese as the high society people call it). Why the word ‘Fusion’? Simple, it’s a fusion of all regions of India. (That’s why i call it the NEWS Dish, see, brain 😉 ). It unites the ingredients from the spicy south, the tangy west, the sweet east and the delicious north.

So in short, you’re going to learn to make a new dish, from a 21-year-old guy, who has blogging for only a year and has started to learn cooking only a few years back (And is still AWESOME!)

PS: Though you’re not gonna complain, but in case someone gets food poisoning after eating this, it’s because of the stale cottage cheese you used and not because I am doing a foodie post for the first time.

So let’s Start with the ingredients. We bring you the base of the dish (Cottage cheese) which is loved by the people in west Bengal, the Gram Flour Gatte popular in Rajasthan, the spices and coconut derived from Kerala and Tamil Nadu, vegetables like Broccoli and beans and onion (optional) popular in Maharashtra and the Rice eaten by almost every Indian.

Ingredients (Quantity-wise):

250 gm. Cottage cheese cubes.

1 Tablespoon Ginger and Garlic paste

1 Teaspoon Garam Masala

2 Teaspoon Tandoori Masala

1 Teaspoon Sour mango powder

1 Teaspoon Mustard oil

½ cups of Gatte (made up from Gram Flour)

1 Cup boiled rice (mixed with a pinch of salt and butter)

1 Teaspoon Butter

1 cup boiled mix vegetable (Cabbage, Carrot, Cauliflower, Beans, Peas)

2 tablespoon soya oil

Around 1-2 Tablespoon of Coconut and grounded cottage cheese

Procedure:

First of all, put the cottage cheese cubes, sour mango powder, Garam masala, tandoori masala, mustard oil and garlic-ginger paste together in a bowl and mix thoroughly.  (Shake it baby 😉 )

Now take a sizzler plate and heat it to a temperature enough not to burn the cheese. (Not hotter than Megan fox). Fry the cottage cheese with the soya oil in a frying pen.

Spread all the vegetables and rice after mixing in the sizzler plate. Put the fried Cottage cheese over it. Now garnish it with the Coconut and Cottage cheese mixture.

Does it look sexy? Feel free to add some more peas and even little crushed bits of dry fruits like cashew to make it richer and tastier.

Put some heated butter over the mixture and a little on the plate edge so that the little sounds tell u the amount of heat it has absorbed and once the smoke starts coming out, guess what… Your Fusion Paneer Sizzler is ready!!!

The Fusion Paneer Sizzler!

In case you feel incompleteness, here is a tip: Eat this with a little Coconut Chutney and maybe some Mango Pickle. Yes, pickle with a sizzler sounds really weird, but I realized it’s awesome only when I ate this. Those who don’t like the pickle idea, how about some green chutney? Believe me, anything looks good because of the paneer in there 😀

Unfortunately I couldn’t take a photo of the one I ate, so you’re gonna have to suffice with a photo I found in my mom’s cook-book.

Hope you liked it, the dish as well as my experiment with my writing. Comment your reviews and yes, how was the Dark Knight Rises huh? Watched it yet?

 

Also 😛

This post has been published by me as a part of IBL; the Battle of Blogs, sponsored by WriteupCafe.com. Join us at our official website and facebook page.

www.indianbloggersleague.com
www.facebook.com/IndianBloggersLeague 

Isn’t it pretty amazing, there is an athlete hidden in you and you never knew!!

Yes, i am talking about you, you disgruntled poor soul. A common man. Now please add all the dialogues said by nasiruddeen shah in “a Wednesday”. It will give you a feel and save me some work.

Anyway, moving on, i was talking about an athlete hidden in all of us. Well actually most of us, atleast in those who keep travelling in those local trains. Now you know what i am talking about right?

I always knew you’re smart. So i was thinking about the plight of the people who have to travel in a local train. I realized it the moment i saw hundreds of people struggling for a place in a local three years back, and blogged it today (Yes, i am that slow!!)

So let’s tell you a few things you should know while you travel in a local train in India.

1) The boarding style in a local train

Fast and crisp, if you lose it, loss of limb is expected. How a man with a suitcase and tie does it is commendable!

2) Once you’re in

Search for a place to.. Well.. Adjust yourself. Those who get to sit in a local are known as “people with luck of gold”. Those who stand are lucky as well and rest are lucky that they atleast get to exist inside a local train.

3) Holding yourself

In a moving local, you have to keep in mind a lot of things. Hold properly your bag, your wallet, your phone, your hands, your legs and well a lot more! You never know “kahan se kya ud jaye”!

4) The unknown stops

When you can’t even breathe properly, having an idea of stops is crap! So be ready, in every local train, once in every while, you’ll experience 50 kg of asses in your front and 50 kg of fronts on your ass.

5) In case you spot a seat

Defy gravity, jump more than jones, run faster than bolt because this IS your chance. Become the Ethen Hunt for a while and don’t let anyone else overpower you at this one. Yes, you have spotted the jackpot my bwouy!!

6) Time to say bye

I know, this was the journey of your life. And after this you hopefully safely and in one piece have landed to your destination. Now make space for those who rush in and make sure no one steps on you in the process. Get out (preferably while train is standing) though you need a lot of precision for the same.

My air fares are less than local trains these days, please travel in my plane!!!

Things I just told are those to which people exclaim for sure. Those who travel in locals exclaim because they never knew they do all this. And those who don’t, well they never knew as well!

But one thing from the core of my heart, these locals are the veins of Indian system (exaggeration). People who travel in them are like warriors (super exaggeration) and i am awesome (true story)!

Hope you liked it, next time I’ll tell you the story of a kingfisher airplane. (Get your tongue back in.)

First of all, a whole hearted thank you to my readers. The month of april was a month of co-authored posts, and i was overwhelmed by the huge response i got. Just 4 posts collecting over 3000 views and 50+ shares with over 350 facebook likes and 100+ twitter mentions. Since i have nothing else but my articles to give to you, here’s another one, totally written by me. Have a look 🙂


So that’s a general problem, guys always worry about this thing, rest all is good but what to do when their girlfriend/wife asks for shopping. 3 quick things that come to mind are

a) Waste of money

b) Waste of time

c) And oh… Waste of money..!

And frankly, who enjoys shopping in a girls department carrying her bags. All we enjoy is… Well… Guys already know that and girls don’t want to know that!

So here are some tips to help you out while going shopping with her. Though the article is basically for guys, girls can read it and thrash me like they did when i wrote their resume 😛

1. When she buys clothes.

Positive points:

  • You can check out other “stuff” while she’s trying on the clothes.
  • You can check out the score on that lcd tv while she is busy trying (man she takes time)

Negative points:

  • You are standing in a ladies’ department carrying a bag!

And yes, don’t forget to praise her as soon as she’s out. (Must do)

2. When she is buying nail paint/perfume.

Positive points:

  • You get to smell something good in case of perfume and in case of nail paint, you can go try that yourself (hey your nails would look fancy!)
  • You get to console yourself for the fact that her nail paint isn’t as costly as the top she just bought.

Negative points:

  • You are standing in a ladies’ department carrying a bag!

3. When she is buying grocery.

Positive points:

  • That’s where you come in, tell her you’re in charge and you wish to have soup tomorrow. Ok i am kidding, just stand behind her while she picks up all the necessary items, but yeah you can always add that pack of maggie to the basket
  • These days malls have those game cds and LCDs and sofas, don’t forget to use them.

Negative points:

  • You are standing in a ladies’ department carrying a bag! Seriously, think about it!

4. For anything else.

Just remember

  • What she picked is good (even when we all know it’s not).
  • Whatever you liked is your choice and not an implication that she’ll buy it.
  • Again, what she picked HAS to be good!

Just like way to a man’s heart is through his tummy (don’t know who said that), way to a woman’s heart is through a man’s wallet.

And also, good things come in small packages, shopping isn’t a good thing, so be ready to carry big packages!

Kinda short n precise, I guess that’s it for now, I’ve told you enough. All the best taking her shopping! 😀

Hello all, in the series of co-authored posts, this is 4th for the month and 6th overall. Here I am going to tell something you all might have been waiting for, some supercool ways to beat the heat. To help me out, I have one of my biggest fans, an all-time reader, a good friend, and above all, the person who suggested me to make the blog, which means the first reader of a blog which now has all hundreds of you beautiful readers 😉 Please welcome Ashish Jhawar.

So people always say they don’t like summers, nothing is good except for the holidays. I think on different lines, for me, its holidays+fun+cool clothes+ice creams+mangoes!! Oh mangoes!!!! Umm… sorry I got carried away. Anyway, what they don’t like is the shooting temperature and the “Chubhti jalti garmi” as they say. So here are some ways to beat the heat.

 

Way 1:

Work out in a gym, sweat so much that you become a self shower. Now hit the strongest man near you and run for your life. Since you will run covered with sweat, the breeze will make you feel cool. Also, when you get caught, you’ll be “Knocked out Cold”!!

Way 2:

Buy an iPad/iPhone or anything that starts with an i (except for i Pill). Since you now have a cool gadget, you’ll be known as a “cool” guy amongst your not-so-cool friends!

Way 3:

“Rasiyaaaa ♫ aa ja!!” Remember something? Yep, download and watch the slice ad by katerina 5-6 times. As my friend gurpreet says, “kaleje wich thandak aa jayegi!”
PS:
You can also watch some other things I can’t really suggest here.

Way 4:

Whenever a guest comes your home, hit him on the head and beat him with a stick. See, treat him cold-blooded, no “Warm Welcomes” this summer!!

Beat the Heat

Way 5:

Go watch titanic 3d. They have a lot of glaciers and icebergs in it. Feel cool. But don’t watch too much, you might wanna skip some HOT parts the movie had.

Way 6:

Listen to AC/DC, they’re cool. Watch djokowich play those sexy volleys, that’s cool. But please don’t watch a Chelsea match, that’s totally uncool, plus you might heat up seeing the way they play!

Way 7:

This one has actually worked for me a thousand times. Take around 5-6 ATM cards with you and go in the small ATM cabinets we have on roads. AC is free, plus if there are people outside, pretend that you are checking balance in all those cards, have fun!

Way 8:

Melons, watermelons, Ice, Icecream, sea breeze, Mango shake, chilled cold drink!!! It actually works, I know..! Just say these names while you want to save yourself the misery of going out in the heat and actually buy them. Such words work on your psychology and make you feel cool.

See that’s the reason I keep saying megan fox, Angelina jolie etc.. in my free time.

Way 9:

This one is for hostellers, go and have a bath for a change. It actually feels good, I am telling from my personal experience I had last week.

So I am done with my ways. If you don’t find any of those useful, read my blog, it’s cool! 😉

You got more? Feel free to comment. And do tell me which one of these you liked the most.

I’d again thank my co-author Ashish for being instrumental in framing this post. You would want to check out his blog too, which is by the way a way better blog then mine. Here goes, Guitar Guruji.

Hello… I have been a little busy, evident from the frequency of my blog posts. So what I did was to ask for help on my fanpage and surprisingly, I got a huge response when I asked for a co-author for my next post. Seeing that, I decided something, the month of april is going to be a co-authored post month.
And here is the first article in that series, from me and my co-author, a person known to many of you from “5 questions guys can’t answer”, Akanksha sharma! In this, we have tried to help out the other girls, in case they need some dating advice, basically, How to impress and ask a guy out!

What guys need? Is the basic question in every girl’s mind.
Well, in general they need a girl who is caring, understanding, funny and kinda intelligent. Forget what I said if you’re hot!

love is in the air

 

So here are some ways to help you get going into a guy’s heart. Remember, all the ways have not actually been tested, but legends say they work.

  • Now when your mother says “Way to a man’s heart is through his tummy” listen to her.
    Prepare His favourite dish for him (and if can’t, then order it from somewhere and tell him that you’ve made it for him). Once his mouth opens, he will say yes to anything you say, if you know what I mean.

    Alter: Just text him that you like him!

 

 

  • Wait for your birthday. Guys love asking a girl what she wants for her birthday. Ask for a special b’day gift, and now ask him out (and if he is confused then use the weapon known as “Emotional Blackmail”).

 

Alter: Just text him that you like him!

 

 

  • Try to be close to him for some time. Not chipku but close, there’s a difference, a mosquito is chipku who you just want to kill, a pug who you just pet is close. Now take that figuratively and read on. Befriend his mother! Hah ! that’s it, guys always like girls liked by their mothers.

Alter: You know! Just text him that you like him!

  • Watch his favourite movie even if you hate that to the core and use some of its dialogues on the timing. HE WILL FALL FOR YOU FOR SURE!!!
    Guys like the girls with similar choice. Now this task is tough for most girls because they’d generally not want to watch space movies and well… other types… of movies!

    Alter: Guess what!

  • In the pre historic times, when tribal women used to like a guy, they used to throw a bone at him to indicate their crush. Now things have changed, but man hasn’t. Throw him a bone. Not literally, dumb! Go and give him something, maybe a shirt or a sweater or… well, even a hanky would do, just embroider your and his name inside a little red heart. Beneath that, a kiss leaving your lipstick mark would add to the magic.
    This works when you’re really close. But when you’re really close and still not together, I’d advise to rethink.

    Alter: Did I become too serious there? This close thing is crap, just text him that you like him!

 

I know my ways were toooooo good. But still there might be some girls who would actually be looking forward to ask a guy out instead of just screwing around. So here’s a nice write up to help them. http://www.wikihow.com/Ask-a-Guy-Out

In the end, I would like to thank Akanksha for making this second co-authored post with me. Just like last time, it will be hard for her to find out what points she had actually written 😛

Next 4 posts will be co-authored as well, stay tuned and you’re gonna love it 😉

Hello everyone..

 After the 9 step guide to dating was a hit, I was thinking of telling you all some more ways to get into the world of romance. And guess what, i couldn’t think of any! But still, i have to keep the blog running right!
So here I am going to tell you 5 awesome and unique ways to ask a girl out. These ways are NOT copied from the playbook, are working if followed properly, and well, crap!

The best thing about these ways is the uniqueness blended with uselessness!!

So read carefully, and tell me what you liked the most.

Will you..!!!??

Way1.

As they say dogs are man’s best friend, use it! Buy/rent a dog and make friends with it. Train it in a way that it stops when you command. Now make the dog drink some wine, (or bhang for desi style) and set it after the girl you like.
When she is running for her life, ask her out and stop the dog only when she says yes.

Pros: 100% yes

Cons: don’t overdose the wine or you might have to run for your life!

Way2.

This one is rather less violent. Here you are going to use cows and maybe buffaloes, depending on the size of their tails. We need cattle with tail sizes around 1-2 feet. Tie them together and make a heart, show it to the girl, she won’t like the mess, but the concept is awesome, trust me!

Pros: she’ll like the uniqueness (given you try it instantly before the public reads my blog)

Cons: farts, tail dirt, cow dung, etc etc..

Way3.

So we got a little too inclined towards animals didn’t we? So here’s something human. The most awesome and working way. The wingman! Just hire a friend to play a bit for you and go towards the target girl. Let your friend ask her out and fail. You go, spread your charm (if exists) and win.!

Pros: theory of comparison works on girls.

Cons: don’t hire a friend like me, you might never see the girl again!

Way4.

This one is a bit tricky and expensive. You need to have a band of singers, a romantic place and a cowboy hat. Wear the hat, make them sing and get the girl to the place (she’ll come if u say there are 3 more friends)

Now tell her the friends cancelled and if she would like to go on more of such dates.

As the place and music is romantic, chances are that she’ll say yes. What? You want to know the use of cowboy hat? No, that’s just to make you look funny.!

Pros: She’ll say yes seeing the romance in the air.

Cons: You’re wearing a cowboy hat! And it’s expensive unless you own the band!

Way5.

Try this, meet her and straight forward ask her out. Be a man and don’t be a loser that you have to read and learn from a blog on how to ask her out. (no offence) this is indeed the best way out there!

Pros and Cons don’t really exist in this one, all depends on your courage!

So i guess i am done, i’d personally recommend way2, i haven’t seen that in practical application so it would be fun seeing a heart made with cow tails!

Good luck 😛