Archive for November, 2011

So this is an article about 5 questions that girls ask and guys can’t answer. This is the first time I have a co-author with me. So ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you, Akanksha Sharma. She was instrumental in helping me with the questions, and well, wherever I went overboard talking about girls 😛

And before you start reading this article here are a few rules I should make clear

a)      If you’re a guy and in a relationship, you should know and learn what this article says.

b)      Oh you’re a married Guy, very sad, moving on, read this and since you’ve experience, share more!

c)       You’re a single Guy (And hot), read this and remember, you have an edge over all your single friends, hence more chances of getting girls..!!

d)      You’re a single guy (not hot and not talented), read this, praise me, and then go back listening to your Justin Beiber CD

e)      You’re a GIRL! Read this, don’t curse me, and tell me if you found any of this true… And give me your number (hey I don’t make the rules!)

PS: All the above rules are crap… umm… And so is the article… But you have already wasted a minute reading all this… waste 2 more and read further…   Keep your mind in fridge and go on reading!

So we’re talking about 5 things that a guy can’t answer… Obviously things that a girl asks… let’s roll with it.

Girls vs boys

1.       Am I looking good!!?

So what’s the deal with this question? See, every girl in the world is born with a deep down feeling of superiority about her looks over the entire mankind. But saying yes can be problematic as she might think you’re just trying to flatter her, while saying no!!! boy!! Don’t even think about it coz this might lead to severe bruises.

So how should you answer?

  1. Nice, specially this new hairstyle, looks awesome! (She won’t complain since you noticed something new.)
  2. Apparently, Black suits you way more than any other girl. (Criticize other girls and you’re good to go.)
  3. Heyyy… let’s go shopping! (Always works!)

2.       Hey, do you think she is more beautiful than me?

Yes… I know she is, but you don’t say that. Saying yes or no both lead to same conclusion, “YOU CHECKING HER OUT” and even though you were, you shouldn’t admit that!

So how should you answer?

  1. Sorry, never noticed her except for her clearly visible poor dressing sense. (as I said, Criticize other girls and you’re good to go)
  2. Who said that, no girl in the world is more beautiful than you, except for megan fox (Using a famous personality won’t make her jealous, you’re safe.)
  3. Heyyy… let’s go shopping! (Always works!)

 3.       Why don’t you understand me? (Or, what’s with that ego? Or actually anything)

There is this one simple rule with girls, NEVER SAY YOU’RE WRONG!!!!  If you’re wrong, admit that you’re wrong. If she’s wrong, again, admit that you’re wrong. Girls can sound dumb, cute, lovable and sad all at the same time. In Guys, only Chelsea fans do that.

So how should you answer?

  1. I know, I am dumb, I need you (blah blah…. Keep on going…)
  2. I am just so excited to be with you that I make such mistakes. (this line is so good    that you might even get to watch a whole cricket match with her!)
  3. Heyyy… Let’s go shopping! (You know that!)

toughest questions

 4.       Do you remember when we first met (and you first gifted me some thing, and my b’day, and my mom’s b’day and my brother,sister,father etc. etc. etc…)

One thing is clear, normal guys don’t remember ALL the dates. A few might be OK, but if you remember ALL, go get yourself checked. So the rest 98.4 % guys who are normal, don’t make a random guess in this part because that will finish the chances of your b’day getting anything special. And saying No, well, is worse than suicide.

So how should you answer?

  1. I think we’re together from ages (it’s cheesy, but works many times)
  2. Yes I do (Use that calendar in your phone, moron!)
  3. Heyyy… let’s go shopping (do I need to say why!)

5.       Tum kitna badal gaye ho. Hai na?

The BAAP of all questions. Now how the hell would someone remain unchanged over years? And girls are the ones who complain about your bad hairstyle, dressing sense and other habits at the first place. But if this is what you say to her, book a bed in the nearest hospital.

So how should you answer?

Even I don’t have an answer to that. Do tell me if you have one!

Before concluding let me quote these lines directly from a girl’s heart… (to prove that boys aren’t that bad 😛 )

Behind every Mischief of a young boy, there’s always this innocent lad for whom food means mother’s recipe.

Behind every pair of notorious eve teaser eyes, there’s a nostalgic brother, who cherishes all the memories of his sister all his life

Behind that firm masculine physique lies a soft heart, which, when discovers the true essence of love, beats only for the princess he fancies.

Behind that firm square jaw line, there’s a father who deeply cares for his little angels.

So we’re done here. I guess most of you would agree to me in this and the rest would be girls. But deep down, even they know its right. Though I don’t guarantee the success of the 3 answers I have given with every question because they need to be delivered with a perfect expression and timing with optimum confidence. (Hence, most people fail!)

In the end I would like to do two things, apologise to the girls who unnecessarily and without reason felt offended 😛
And thank my co-author Akanksha for providing me a better insight over the topic (Trust me, I had some before too 😛 )

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Why this kolaveri kolaveri di!!! Everyone was busy singing the song, while some ignorant poor souls were searching about sunny Leone videos on Google, a few are still busy celebrating India’s victory in tests while the rest are yet to decide what to talk about. And the remaining was done by sharad pawar!!!

So to give you all something new to discuss about, Rakhi Sawant has now jumped into a borewell. The news reportedly came Sunday evening when our editor was downloading the kolaveri song from YouTube.

The reason of this whole incidence was already made clear by Rakhi in a letter she left before jumping. The letter was, “Among all these things, no one noticed that the usual Indian headlines are lost somewhere. No one is talking about Manmohan Singh’s silence or the increasing petrol prices, and what about RAKHI SAWANT!!!! I am the star item girl of the country, even a kiss I gave used to be breaking news.” 

Rakhi

 The police and fire brigade were immediately rushed to the spot and a video camera was thrown inside to keep a watch on what’s happening inside the bore well. According to the sources, govt. is not allowing public to see the video feed, it will be given on a chargeable basis instead. As there was very little room for throwing anything inside, she was asked if she wanted to eat, in reply to which, she asked for a loud speaker and microphone so that she could speak to people and press. She also said she could live without eating for a day or two but having press on the spot was a necessity.

The reaction to this incident was mixed. The media thinks it was a smart move to gain publicity as children falling into borewells used to be a news sensation, but these days, both Rakhi and such incidents were out of news. While the government is thankful to Rakhi for deviating the people’s attention from their work, the media personalities like Vijay Malya have criticized this saying that this was the only time they were getting to be in news “with their own face”!

Reportedly, Poonam Pandey has termed this whole thing as a “deep” publicity stunt and has also said that she will strip if Rakhi Sawant is left in the Borewell for 2-3 days more.
Incidentally, the long-time out of news person “RamGopal Verma” has also tried to cash out the moment for his publicity and has declared to take Rakhi Sawant in his next movie as a lead heroine if she comes out within 2 days.

While the whole country is looking for something to talk about every day, lets thank these fame crazy people as they atleast make us laugh!

 

Don’t remember how much, but it’s been long I guess…
The day I “liked” a page, uninformed of the future beholding a great success…
I never knew being funny could make me famous, but to the wheel of my talent this platform gave a shaft…
The journey has been awesome on this WitCraft!

TWS

Sometimes it was logical, sometimes plain mad…
Can’t forget those long threads and the immense fun we had…
In the midst of this all we made many friends, to which the page acted like a graft,
The journey has been awesome on this WitCraft!

Not only fun, but professionalism I learned…
with the knowledge and the creativity, there was a lot more we earned…
Never thought I’ll be known as a writer, and people will wait for something which is just a draft,
The journey has been awesome on this WitCraft!

There is something about us that binds us together…
Some are good with one liners, some can write stories, some do all, while a few just enjoy yaha ka weather…  😛
It’s a combination of engineers and the normal humans and of course, swami Wityanand with whom we all laughed…
The journey has been awesome on this WitCraft!

Just wished to write what I felt, didn’t expect to go that long…
It’s a platform that made me realize my passion and to what I belong…
Next thing I say is obvious for here, you are made for this, if originality is your tool and Wit is your haft…
Just join us with a tinge of your wit, and believe me, the journey will be awesome on this WitCraft!

TWS Logo

I might not be very good at poems, just wanted to thank TheWittyShit.com, so I took a long shot…
Remember you guys, I owe you a lot.
(And you do the same to me for some awesome ideas I keep giving you 😛 )

  Happy Birth Day TWS!!! 😀 😀

Yes, being a big fan of Sachin, writing nothing about him till today was surprising even for me. But today is the day when this legend started his career in international cricket 22 years back, so I couldn’t get a better time to dedicate this little creation of mine to the master himself!  Have a look 🙂

Not long back it seems in cricket, a kid who started his career..
He didn’t start off very well, but in him, legends saw a warrior..
He was challenged, was put to tests, and strongly he came..
We call him Sachin, and the world remembers the name!

Chhotu Sachin

Gavaskar and Richards were his inspirations, like Bradman he played..
Mesmerizing were his shots, memorable were the tons he made..
He played against all, broke the records to change the game..
We call him Sachin, and the world remembers the name!

Records became his synonymous, from every shot he played, people learned..
He could hit every ball to fences, from the fastest ones to the ones that turned..
His skills gave him the position that no one could ever claim..
We call him Sachin, and the world remembers the name!

Bad times came, sometimes fitness and sometimes form..
But his confidence and the class stayed with him and he faced every storm..
Many said a lot about him, everytime his bat proved them lame..
We call him Sachin, and the world remembers the name!

Not only for the sport, but his personality is known..
His passion for cars, love for the country and the kindness is clearly shown..
May it be any form of game, any position he plays, his craze is always the same..
We call him Sachin, and the world remembers the name!

Known as a trendsetter, respected by the world, fame for him is now just another joke..
While he plays along, most of us wait for yet another master stroke..
Billions of hearts beat and eyes set on him, as he moves towards his aim..
We call him Sachin, and the world remembers the name!

The world cup winners

A few stanzas are too small to define the little master, as he means the life for many..
I penned down my feelings as a genuine fan, pardon the mistakes, if any..
An incarnation, as we call him, he has nothing to prove now..
I just want to see him play fit and healthy, so that many more times I can say WOW!

back with another poem.. trying to expand my reach but this one is for my sister.. as a b’day gift 🙂
and you might find the rhyme scheme a bit varying but it isn’t 😛

have a look 🙂

When I start remembering the moments,
all, I just can’t recollect

Out of all the great memories we have,
one is hard to select…
from the numerous things, tuff to select a few,
All I have is just a wish for you…

Love was what I didn’t know,
all I knew was, for me you were there
growing up for me wasn’t an easy journey,
without your affection and care…

People need teachers and mentors,
for me a teacher was you who I always had
sometimes kind, sometimes strict,
there for me when I was happy, there for me when I was sad…

I can’t forget those little treats,
neither can I forget those fights
it was just us that we needed and no one else,
and fun was the word for the days and nights…

We had good times, we had bad times,
it was your determination that gave me the power
we moved on from all situations with a smile,
and life was as fragrant as a flower…

Now that we live far apart,
few are the times when we meet
times might come when we aren’t there,
but the bond we share is strong and the relation is sweet…
the love will always be there, doesn’t matter whats old and whats new
all I have is just a wish for you

hey a last one is left 😛

This poem was something I made for you,
tried to be truthful while emotions found their way
I didn’t really have a gift for you,
So just adjust with this, and oh.. Happy birthday!! 😀

Hello all… oh yeah, I am back with a little more crappy stuff…

“I’ve been really busy lately, all the time, couldn’t even get time to have lunch properly…
You see first I have to update my morning status on Facebook, then the daily wall photo that I upload.. And yesterday, the projector caught fire in the class while our teacher was telling us something, so I had to update that too… What a hectic schedule right!!!”
That wasn’t me, that was any normal guy you’ll see today… harsh but true, our youth is really influenced by this social networking these days.

Long time ago I heard that joke where the priest asks the bride is she’s friends on Facebook with the groom and then declares them man and wife and says “now you may poke the bride… And hey, tag me in the pictures”. That time I laughed because it was funny, now I laugh coz I guess soon it will be true. And so will be the joke where the father tells his son the love story of him and his wife, and starts with “it all started with a poke”

A few years back, it was Orkut and MySpace and kids thought they were trendy… but then a guy who btw was pissed off with his girlfriend got drunk and made this social disaster err.. revolution..!
If we look at the stats, Facebook has around 800 million (i.e. 80 crore) users and on an average, every user has 130 friends (I wonder if average people in real life even know that many)
talking about the not-so-micro blogging site, Twitter, it is accessed by a 360 million people and an average of 55 million tweets are sent every day.
We all believe Eminem is the best rapper and some even like Justin beiber (I said some!!), why is it? Well a simple reason given by a person who hasn’t listened to both is, both have around 40 million fans on Facebook!!!

I remember when a friend of mine said this, “Initially it was a way to find your old friends, then it became a way to remain in touch with your current friends, now it’s becoming a way to improve your business, love life, friendship etc etc, and soon it will become a way to live life.”

Seeing the trends, I don’t see that time far when we’ll see diseases like ASDOUF (A Syndrome Due to Over Use of Facebook) and ATS (Acute Twitter Syndrome) would be a bigger problem than AIDS.

It’s not that I don’t like those websites, infact these websites are now the biggest way to spread viral messages for constructive use… but now I think about those two things once some big people said

“Social networking sites do keep people updated, but I would have liked it better if DoorDarshan did that job”

And

“if we make an event on Facebook to kill kasab publically, will he kill himself or will it bother the govt.?”

Frankly, the first one is right and the answer to second one is NO!!! When the govt. isn’t bothered by famous spokespersons and newspaper articles, what is Facebook gonna do to them.
Here is why I think Social Networking is spreading speedily
These days every company has their Facebook/myspace page and a twitter profile to keep the fans updated… many companies check the Facebook and linkedIn profile of a person before recruiting him/her as an employee… having an email id is just as necessary as getting a small pox vaccine when you’re born… success of a venture highly depends on your page popularity… even in general youth, the person who gets the most likes on his status and profile picture is considered famous. From books to hooks, from brands to friends, you can buy anything to everything on Facebook!

Now that google Plus is here, people who felt like real dudes while playing call of duty, remember their old days as they play Mario and angry birds!!
So if these things have a positive effect on people and economy, there are other effects as well… for example, every child now wishes to be thirteen plus coz then he/she will have a legal fb profile. Kids from 10th class feel proud when their status “maths sucks” is liked by 10 people (who might be in 9th as well.)… there were days when true relationships and friendships used to exist, but now people confuse them with Facebook comments…  while people who spend 10 hours daily on fb think they are lucky (while they actually the most lonely ones), Deactivating the FB profile means a blunder has happened in your life!!

Social NetworkingI just happened to remember this joke with which I would like to end this one, girl says to guy, “I love you” and guy starts running… when asked why, he says “I need to update my relationship status on Facebook” !

So it’s upto you, social networking is just like salt, important and tastes good when limited… overuse is harmful!

21st It Was!!

Posted: November 4, 2011 in In The Bug's Mind
Tags: , , ,

Sometimes you expect too much from life and you don’t get it… sometimes you get what you didn’t even expect…

latter has been my case most of the time… but I give its credit to my attitude of never expecting too much and trying for the best… Works for me!

This blog post is not something I wished I would post on a blog, but now I want to, coz this is more like a dedication to my friends, who gave me surprises all the day and decorated my day with joys.

B’days have always been there, before this one I had celebrated 20 of them! But why this one was special… simple… it was the 21st!!! An age where everything is legal..
Internationally allowed to drink liquor, allowed to get married legally and many more things… were off my chart 😛
but 21 has always been my favourite number and getting to 21 on 21 was no less than a dream! 😛

So I thought what I can do to make this day special for me… I know I am good at making the b’days special for others but when it comes to me.. Well what can I do… can’t throw myself a surprise party right! 😛 and frankly, over the last twenty years, never got a surprise party so it was kinda tough to expect as well.

The day before was filled of dilemmas… confused about the party place, sad that my best friends might not be able to attend it, afraid of the b’day boms and happy about the fact that it was near..!!

Made a rough sketch and decided a place and invited a few friends who Facebook calls my “Close Friends” . Was still not convinced that it’s enough.  Many of my good friends out of town and many not sure about their presence in town on the date!

But anyhow.. Planning proceeded and day went by and came the time when everybody who was close to me was observing the clock so that they can make a call the moment it struck 12!  Some even called at 11.30 itself… though how good that felt can’t be described. As usual, race for the 12’ o clock timing was won by my sis who has always been punctual enough with this thing. But this tym, thanks to my 2 other phones, two more friends got that chance 😀

But the real surprise awaited outside… the doorbell rang and I thought who it can be!
Trying to hold the phones in both the hands I ran towards the gate, where I see Mitin… my childhood best friend holding a cake and saying happy birthday. I couldn’t believe my eyes as he was the same friend who said I won’t be able to attend your party. Before I could welcome him in, as I got hold of the cake, 4 more of my closest friends, divanshu, shubham, ankur and ashish came in. Surprising as most of them live 5-10 kms from my home and it was 12 midnight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before I could understand what the whole thing was, I could see the phone blinking and flashing “32 unread messages” All will be of happy birthday, I guessed and left the phone aside, but my phone addiction wasn’t hidden from the friends who made sure that the battery was now disconnected! And we all went in the Porch to make sure no one was disturbed while we continued. As I cut the cake and gave the first piece to my mom, friends were ready with their bits to decorate me… after a face painting marathon, started the kick ass ceremony. Needless to mention, I could barely walk after the first 10 but still the 21st kick gave some sort of joy to me 😀

It was almost 2 in the night when I said bye to them and thanking for the most amazing start I ever had on a b’day given that I had my family in it and I’ve not been a hostler ever.  I came back and saw around 30 missed calls alerts and whoa! Countless messages. Feeling glad, I started replying to them all.
It was just a start. We decided the time and place for party, a lounge where none of us had been earlier. As I prepared myself for some more beating and party time, I kept getting calls. Surprisingly, for the first time, got a call from many people I never expected. Getting around 200 wishes on Facebook and people who I didn’t expect, dedicating hugs and cakes to me! It all made me think like “is it just me or the destiny actually wishes this day to be better than ever before”

As it went on, I got a call, and then excited, I ran for an emergency party with a few friends few of who had to leave for home afterwards… and boy!! Can anyone eat a chicken burger faster than Ajeeta Banarjee!!
Some good friends who couldn’t meet me, wished me on phone… but the most surprising calls were from my childhood friends from school (as most of them didn’t even have my number) and other than swati, kalpesh, megha, rajat, shefali, manisha and akash… two people who I would mention here, “Tarun” and “Abhishek”  my two so-called very good friends whose calls made me think “They do have outgoing activated!”

Amidst the numerous calls messages and wall posts, all in my mind was “I shouldn’t be late in my own party” as it was a part of my habits and hence reached only 45 minutes after the decided time 😛

All my best buds waiting there for me and another surprise, an awesome card made by an awesome friend “mona”.

I wasn’t even done admiring that when I get two text messages. Surprisingly both of them contained a gift for me. While one was a little poem dedicated to me by “Pragya” the other one was an instruction to check my mail where I found another poem made by “Shubham”
I somehow managed to get emotional at that part, reason, even though I have made and dedicated 100s of poems, this was the first time someone dedicated one to me (strange but true 😛 )

This is the poem as you can see above, the one by shubham was a Ppt, you need to go here to check that out..  http://www.slideshare.net/awesomeshubham/happy-birthday-a-gift-by-shubham-khandelwal?from=ss_embed

Till now, the celebration was almost over and we had already made the day the best ever! But yet I was feeling a little incomplete. “It’s the 21st and I need to do something unexpected” I thought (dont know why i was stuck on that)… and all of a sudden my mind worked (rare case) and a thought occurred to me “How about a trip to delhi…” As I had already talked about it to many of my friends and wasn’t really doing anything the next couple of days, so I asked my friends about that and to my surprise, even they were ready. So at 11 we decide to leave for delhi the next morning at 7. And the whole night went on in packing and booking the tickets.

And even after returning from an amazing Delhi trip, I got another surprise party at home…

Didn’t expect b’day night to go like that but it was freaking awesome!
And oh… the traffic dept loves me, I got a challan on my b’day too while returning home 😛

Many people I knew, forgot the day… many of my friends didn’t fulfil my hopes… but those who were there with me made the day unforgettable… and what else do you expect from life.