Archive for September, 2011

The moment you read this, one more was killed. I am not talking about a tiger, not about the humming bird…
I am talking about the creature who doesn’t even know that you’re gonna kill her. And believe me, it’s you on whom she had the trust of her life.
I am talking about your own daughter.

Sometimes, being a boy, I think how tough it would be to become a girl. When she is not even born, female foeticide is there, life in danger. When she is born, child abuse is there in India, life in danger. When she grows up, in places like Delhi and UP, walking 10 meters safely is an achievement, again, life is in danger. When she is married, all depends on how the in laws treat her. Daily we hear cases of dowry and honor killing, life in danger.

Sometimes I just think, is life of a soldier easier than life of a woman in India? Or shouldn’t commando training be made compulsory for girls the moment they are born. Even if what I said is executed, u can’t help the child who isn’t even born.
I am not going to bother you with the stats that how many girls are left per 1000 boys or how many female foeticides take place daily. Neither I’ll bore you by saying the same old things. I just want to ask a question, as you’re aware enough to read this post, are you bold enough to take a step against it? (Not the post but female foeticide and the bad condition of females in our country)

I don’t have suggestions for you on how to do this… what I do is to boldly speak against people who do this, spread messages via blogs and Facebook and also paste some related posters in areas near my home. Works there but you can think of better.
25th September is nationally observed as the Daughters’ day and just like our independence day we celebrate it for a day and get back to our normal selves. Not that doing that with independence day is right, that is infact even more wrong, but that’s a whole different topic. You will be thrashed about that sometime later. Today lets make you understand whats wrong with you.

So all of you think you’re against female foeticide and you’re done. You respect females a lot. But honestly (To all the youngsters reading it), how many of you have never been a part of eve teasing?  Impossible to say that never, so yes, that too is a part of exploitation and abuse.
Those who are married, if you didn’t take dowry don’t think you scored a clean sheet.  Though it’s a little rare in modern societies but by my experiences and what I’ve seen, it won’t be too much to ask, how many of you have never beaten your wife. Yes, it’s a bitter truth that even when we’re living in such a modern society, home violence is one of the majorly committed crimes.

Apart from that, if your father or mother is doing that to their daughter in law, believe me, law doesn’t allow you to sit and watch or keep quiet. Things like this are just like termites eating the culture of our country. A place where we worship goddesses, a place where we have given the supreme position to mother and a cow is considered a holy animal. If we let these things happen, what are we? Traitors won’t be a bad word there.
These days, traditional crimes like dowry killing, infanticide and other related things have decreased in number (Though I am sad to say that this is not the case in our political and business capitals where an increase in rape and kidnapping cases is observed) but these aren’t the only things we need to fight. Other small stuff that remains unnoticed needs to be talked about. It’s the 21st century and now the time has come that we need to have equal status for female in real world too.
I said real world because I do know females rock when it comes to likes on Facebook (Sorry, humor is my thing)

Like others I won’t be presenting before you the names of famous female achievers like Kalpana chawla and saina nehwal along with history makers like Rani laxmibai and Sarojini naidu. But since you know those names, don’t you think we need more of them. And I don’t think killing or kidnapping girls is gonna help that unless you give them special training after kidnapping. So if you’re not a part of the crime, raise your voice. Sitting quietly ain’t helping. Try to show the world that what you think is right and evil needs to be eliminated. Report it to the law if you see something like this.
I would love to end with the hindi lines I read in my childhood (A female teacher taught me)

“Ek nahi do do matrayen, Nar (नर) se bhari Nari (नारी)”

Hope u liked it. If you didn’t, atleast follow what’s right. That’s all I want.
thanks

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According to our not-so-trusted sources, it’s a popular news in the country that our Planning commission ministers will be trying their luck in a new TV show named “32 se kam”. It’s a reality show based on the concept that they have to survive an entire week without spending more than Rs 32 a day.

Our efficient reporters were able to dig up more on this. The action is reportedly said to be taken after the great “Tendulkar Report” of the planning commission that People in urban areas who spend more than Rs. 32 a day will not be considered poor. According to the makers of the show, “It was really interesting to know that our leaders think that a common man can survive by just spending Rs. 32 a day which includes his daily requirements of Water, Electricity, Clothing and food!

In the show, the ministers will be fighting each other out to spend the least. Winner will be declared after the week after calculating the expanses of every minister. There are certain guidelines to them as per the report, like, they can’t spend more than Rs 5.5 per day on cereals which certainly deprives  them of  buying 100 grams of good quality rice and half a kg edible wheat flour.  They also won’t be spending more than Rs 2.3 on milk hence not even getting a proper toned milk which costs Rs 5-6 per 100 ml these days.

Reportedly, Warm up cum Preliminary round was taken up by the ministers of planning commission to see if they qualify for the competition. Though Most of them faced utter difficulties while coping up with the budget restriction, none of them showed it on his face thanks to their superb expression control, which might be because of their expression change in front of the voters.

Montek singh ahluwalia himself was eliminated from the competition after he was seen buying a banana which costs more than 44 paise. Shri Ashwini kumar faced elimination because he drank a Cup of coffee which contained sugar that apparently costs more than 70 paise.

Other ministers like A Raja, Suresh Kalmadi were also given wild card entries in the competition.
On detailed questioning, it was revealed that Raja gave a bribe of 32 crore to show that he can survive in 32 Rs a day while Kalmadi came in for free thanks to his name match with Suresh Tendulkar (Who by the way, is the Report incharge)

The supreme court seemed ok with the competition, according to officials, “We don’t have a problem with the competition…  it’s good that our ministers are trying.. it’s easy, that was the reason we approved the report. In fact even we want to take part in the competition, we are even thinking of taking the limit below Rs 30”

The producers of the show also cleared that the ministers won’t be allowed to spend more than Rs. 30 per month on health which is actually 30 paise more than what they have allowed for the common man. It should be noted that this means you will get to spend 99 paise per day on health though a Disprin costs more than Rs 1 !!
In other details, The ministers will also be given a 10 Rs note each to find a good footwear for the show.

According to the Latest BPL criteria given by the Tendulkar Committee report and followed by “32 se kam” Makers, the worst news related to the competition was that Dr Manmohan singh himself won’t be able to use his tube of Fair and Handsome cream which costs more than 30 Rs since he was allowed to spend only less than 29.6 per month on personal care.

Though the public was furious with the report but the decision of this competition has turned the tables and now they are eager to see what happens with all the ministers at the end of the week.

Now that the competition is about to start, we can only hope this might provide some sense to our ministers in the end.

Check this article on NTMN too 🙂
http://newsthatmattersnot.com/2011/09/new-reality-show-sawaal-32-ka-challenges-planning-commission-members-to-survive-on-rs-32-a-day.html

Hello all… yes I am back, from nowhere… I was hiding here only to catch some big news and review or fake it in my style… but damn this government knows me well!!! They decided not to give me anything new and did their usual things, i.e, increased petrol prices and kapil sibbal blabbered a little more about some other non-sense! So I thought let’s find something new and refreshing… and see what I stumbled upon! I got the list of the 11 participants trying their luck this year in BIG BOSS Season 5!! Hosted by two of our industry’s Macho-Men Sal-man and Sanjay!!  Though I still don’t have the names of remaining two… (You do know there are 13 contestants right? )

Ok so hold your breath, I have a complete detail of the participant including the views of everyone on his/her participation… remember… it’s a secret so feel free to tell anyone, it’s my blog after all!!

Bigg Boss

So the first participant who will be on his way to big boss is our very own Rahul Gandhi!
According to the producers “He’ll be attracting youth towards our program and won’t face a problem while having lunch with anyone, he has his experience in that area”
According to Rahul “the only problem I might face is regarding changing my diapers because mummy would not be there… I’ll try… <started crying>”
I Think  “He played very good against England, or wait… was that Rahul Dravid?”

Moving on to the next, we have a person from our very own cricket team Mahendra Singh Dhoni!
Producers Think “He has the abilities of leadership and knows how to handle defeat, well.. a little too much now”
According to dhoni “it will be nice to be locked In a home for 3-4 months… I couldn’t get a better place to hide since our return from England”
I Think “hey is he the same person who had an affair with deepika padukone??”

After Dhoni they needed someone from the fashion industry… so there goes the name.. Poooonammm pandeyyyy!
Producers Think “She is famous, people hate her so we love her”
According to poonam “I’ll strip publically if I win the show”
I think “plz hurry this time!!!”

That was gross!! Anyway, moving on to our fourth contestant, we got a very famous spokesperson here… hold your breath ladies and gentlemen… Digvijay Singh!
Producers Think “After rakhi sawant in season 1 and dolly bindra in season 4 we could not get a better bakbak machine than Mr. Digvijay Singh”
According to Digvijay “I really like this gesture, I am against lokpal, I love soniya ji, I like saying 200 words per minute, I think terrorist attacks cannot be controlled…. <And he fainted after we made him smell chloroform>
I Think  “With him being in big boss, I wonder if salman will get a chance to speak!!”

Now it’s time to welcome our contestant number 5… he likes saying this “I am neal, I am the man, RockStar… SuperStar!!!” Not to mention he likes lying as well… I know you’re having a hard time recoginising him… that’s Uday Chopra my dear fellas..!
Producers Think “His father promised us to finance the whole show if we take him”
According to Uday “…” (he was too happy to say anything)
I Think  “what can I say! I loved his dhoom movies… he was better than abhishek atleast!!”

When I talk about contestant number 6, I want all of you to look around and make sure no one’s there coz you might get kissed… YES ladies and lay’Das’, I am talking about Emran Hashmi!
Producers Think “A tinge of adult content is the theme of our show..”
According to emran “ummmmuahhhhh…” (our reporter went missing after that)
I Think  “I wonder after emran enters the show, the announcements will be like ‘Big Boss chahte hai k emran unhe chhod k kisi ladki ko pakde’!”

Now moving towards the contestant number 7… here we have the Bollywood industry icon KARAN JOHAR !
Producers Think <Serious> “We always have a gay contestant”
According to Karan <Ecstatic> “They always have a gay contestant”
I Think  <Sigh!> “They always have a gay contestant”

As the rules clearly state, they have a contestant very low profile and less known to public… As contestant number 8 this time Dr. Manmohan Singh is chosen for the job.
Producers Think “Soniya ji gave him permission to leave the PM’s chair for 4 months and he fits our guidelines for remaining quite all the time”
According to Manmohan “When I came to know Rahul baba is taking part I thought ‘Who will change his diapers now!’ so I needed to go there <then he kept quiet for an hour>”
I Think  “…” <I was too busy admiring Manmohan ji’s adorable words, seldom we hear them>

Now with have come to the point we need to disclose the name of our most awaited contestant… yess… none other than KRK…
what!! you don’t know him… go rot in hell! Kamal R Khan is the biggest superstar of the century… was a part of Big Boss 3 too…
He didn’t let me or the producers speak…
According to KRK “KRK itna chhota star nahi hai k ek season se man jaye… I’ll come again and again”

Time for our 10th contestant… without further ado I present.. Baba Ramdev !!
Producers Think “Yoga, politics, singing, lap dancing, winking, stand up comedy, kapalbhati! He is a complete package”
According to Baba “Karne se hoga! Mai big boss se nahi darta… use bhi pranayama karwaunga” <He winked twice at our interviewer>
I think ”
And now last but not the least… as I don’t have the names of next two, I present to you, contestant number 11… Anu Malik!!
Producers Think “He made our theme song for free.. though we realized that it was stolen from a mediocre Hollywood movie after paying him”
According to Anu “Mai apne andaz me kahna chahunga… Barish hui chham chham… India me fat gaya bam… aur big boss me aa gaye hum!” <the interviewer was admitted to icu immediately>
I Think  “I needed a reason not to watch the show!”

I am done with my 11… I would love it if u suggest me the names of the rest two in the same way I did..

Back to reality…
So this is it… the 13 losers coming to Big Boss and make a show with all the bad traits one of the biggest hits of country… Yeah that’s a fact…  a show that we all criticize and a show, we all know is for losers… a place where the so called “Celebrities” live together just to bitch about each other ,fall in controversies, show obscene content and to fight like weirdos and tell the world what kind of crap we can serve to our viewers and still, it’s one of the biggest TRP gainers of our country… I just tried telling how lame and malignant such shows are and we need to change such things… and on the same time the people I suggested are nothing but a question mark on the deferential position of our country in the world… With my previous articles like Sansani not so funny  and Indian Democrazzy I  have tried to convey the same thing… this time I tried to widen the scope…
hope u liked it..

If not, even then suggest me two names for this season of big boss the same way I did for the 11… let’s see what you got 😉

And thus it all ends!

 

 

Hello again friends..
Still can’t believe i got such an amazing response on Preeto Part Two, thanks for that 🙂
Maximum likes till date on my blog posts and still counting.. so with this post i bring an end to the Preeto Trilogy and well.. my pathetic hindi kavitas 😛
If you’re new/lost, plz read Preeto part one and Preeto Part Two before you proceed..
and when you’re done, tell me if u liked it.. i know some pretty good psychiatrists 🙂
and yes.. this one is not that funny (actually not at all funny), i just had to put an end to it.. and thanks again.. my blog visiter counter hit 1000 yesterday 🙂

Go..

Kahani hai ye us din ki jab shuru hui meri barbadi..
Hu mai wo badnaseeb jis se hui thi Preeto ki shadi..
Khush aise hua tha jaise mil gaya mujhe mera pyar..
Aise laga tha jaise lakhon khushiyan ghar aai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Dekhta tha use roz use ghar se nikalte..
Kai bar aankh mari use maine chalte chalte..
Lagta tha jaise marti thi wo mujhpe..
Uske bap se fir kah k maine shadi ki bat chalai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Chakkar tha kisi lalluchand k sath uska..
Wo bechara isi k gham me is duniya se khiska..
Mujhe kya pata tha kya chakkar hai is kahani k peechhe..
Tab bhi na samjha jab iske khunkhar bap ne kara di iski sagai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Mujhe laga waqt hai kharab par karte hai hum pyar..
Bhag jate hai sath chhod k dukan aur ghar bar..
Lagta tha basayenge kahin aur apna aashiyana..
Isi chudail chakkar me kar li ikatthi apni sari kamai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Bhag gaye jo ghar se, socha karenge koi kam..
Dhoond nhi payega bap hume iska, janta kaun hai humara nam..
Mujhe nahi pata tha karti thi bap ko call wo roz..
Maine to khareeda ghar aur FD bhi iske nam karayi..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai…

Khushi khushi nikal rhe the din kat rahi thi raten..
Karta tha kam mai usse sawal, puchi nhi purani koi baten..
Lagta tha niklegi aise hi zindagi..
Kya pata tha man me us dayan ne koi aur hi chal chalai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Pahucha jab bal katke apne ghar ek din..
Soona sa laga ghar mujhe us preeto k bin..
Gaur se dekha to saaf ho gya tha sab kuch..
Kyu ki thi usne mujh se shadi ab bat meri samajh aayi..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Paise to door chhodi nahi usne ek thali..
Kar gayi wo bandit queen mera poora ghar khali..
Socha karu police me report aur bhagu apne shahar..
Par us kameeni ne meri FD bhi bank se tudwai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Pahucha jaise taise m apne shahar mila uske bap ko..
Dekhke mujhe bola wo kameena, pahchana nahi mai aapko..
Maine lagaya thappad aur diya ek ghoosa..
Bola sale dekh gaur se mai hu tera jawai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Barbad kiya kitno ko tumne jaise ho ye koi khel..
Le kar aaya hu m police, karwaunga sab ko jail..
Wo to mil gaya ab dhundna tha us preeto ko..
Lagaya inaam 50000 ka tabhi wo preeto hath aayi..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Sab pahuche andar ab ho gaya tha insaaf..
Par meri tarah us preeto ne kiye the kitno k ghar saf..
Kholi maine dukan apni fir se par man me tha dard kahin..
Ab to dekh k mujhe hansta h wo pados ka sand halwai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Mile ab koi bhi par preeto thi kuch khas..
Par us lalluchand ki tarah mera bhi ab pyar se uth gaya vishwas..
Pata h mujhe kavita ho gayi boring par thi ye dukhbhari kahani..
Us preeto k chakkar me barbad ho gayi meri jawani..
Fir bhi karta hu khatam ise yahin, maf karna jo aapne comedy ki aas lagai..
Par han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..!!!

thanks for reading.. your appreciation to preeto part one and two was phenomenal, plz cope up with part three 😛
Cheers!

Hello again..
Last time I promised that was gonna be my first and only hindi kavita.. but people gave such an amazing response and made preeto the next famous thing after sheila and munni! so i thought, why not come up with preeto part two — kahani lalluchand ki!
this is not as good as last one (coz wo natural thi and ye forced hai) but still, i have tried to remain as senseless as i can..
This time again i have tried to maintain same rhyme scheme..

read and don’t have fun, and if u do.. go see a psychiatrist 🙂

pichhli bar suni thi kahani tumne preeto k bap se..
jhooth bolne wale us aastin k sanp se..
is bar apni aapbeeti sunane mai hu aaya..
k meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

bat thi college ki jab m karta tha bunk..
wo aati thi paidal to mere pas kaunsi thi koi hunk..
college ka har dusra ladka tha use ghumata..
kya hua jo ek din mai bhi ghuma laya..
par meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

kabhi le gaya use yahan, kabhi le gaya use wahan..
kamini kitna kharcha karati thi, jati thi jane kahan kahan..
bapu ki shirt se paise churata tha mai to kabhi padosi ko choona lagata tha mai..
kai bar to 500 rupaiyye ka sirf pizza akele us bhooki ne khaya..
fir bhi meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

jab bhi milta tha usse, lagta tha jaise mil gaye do dil..
par use nhi thi fursat, kabhi chalo bandra to kabhi antop hill..
uske liye khareedni padi thi gadi nayi..
use kya pata udhar us chudail k liye kahan kahan se mangwaya..
tab bhi meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

mil mil k us se badal gayi mere haal..
par ye sab to thi uske lutere gharwalo ki koi chaal..
bap tha uska chor, bhai bhi rhte the jail me…
ye sab mai waqt pe nahi pata karwaya..
meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

gaya mai uske ghar bat karne apni shadi ki..
kar aaya bat anjaane me apni barbadi ki..
bap ne rakh di mang 1 lakh ki, bola shadi hogi jab paisa milega..
mai bhi josh me paise dene ka vada kar aaya..
kya kahu mai apni preeto ko nahi pata paya..!!

sharmate hue dekha usne mujhe, maine bat kari uske bhai se..
kya tha mujhe pata k chakkar chala h uska pados k nai se..
laga tha mai to paiso ka intazam karne me..
manga dosto se paisa, bap ki tijori tak kari safaya..
us dayan preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

bhag gayi wo ghar se, bap uska mere samne roya..
laga mujhe jaise galti nahi h uski, sambhala maine use, kameena mere hi ghar pe soya..
laga jaise kismat me likha tha yahi..
par fir mere hi bap ne mujhe pitwaya..
aur meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

bacha nahi zyada kuch kahne ko, yahi thi meri kahani..
us ek bholi si ladki ne yad dila di mujhe nani..
vishwas uth gaya hai lalluchand ka ab pyar se..
pyar kar k mai bahut pachtaya..
meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya!!
meri preeto ko mai nhi pata paya!!!!

hello all.. Well every friend of mine who read my blog had one thing to say.. “why don’t u write in hindi”.. So i thought, given that i have a very limited scope with good vocab in my mothertongue.. Why not write some senseless comedy.. So here u go.. I would even used hindi varnmala but that would have taken a hell lot of time.. Read and think why did u read..! 🙂

Ye dard bhari dastan hai ek bigde hue bap ki..
Jab suni to aakhen bhar aayi..
O meri preeto, tu kyu hui parayi!

Waqt nikla hi kitna hai jab tu thi ek chhoti bachchi..
Ab jo kah rha hu bat h wo sachchi..
Ek zamana tha…
Jab roz mere hatho se hoti thi teri sutai..
O meri preeto, tu kyu hui parayi!

College tu jati thi..
Fir der se ghar aati thi..
Mai to rhta tha tunn..
Par tu kabhi kabhi karti thi padhai..
O meri preeto, tu kyu hui parayi!

Aate jate launde tujhe chhedte..
Uske bad tere bhai milke unki khal the udhedte..
Tere chakkar me kitni ki mere awara ladko ne ladai..
O meri preeto, tu kyu hui parayi!

Itni bar chale tere chakkar..
Bhagi tu char bar ghar se, wapas aayi jab hui car se takkar..
Kaisi kismat h meri..
Pasand aaya bhi tujhe to wo pados ka nai..
O meri preeto, tu kyu hui parayi!

Karti thi tu zid kabhi mangi tune car..
Kitna bhi samjhaya tere bheje me nhi ghusa har bar..
Tujhe nhi pata..
Mai to tha nithalla teri ma karti thi kamai..
O meri preeto, tu kyu hui parayi!

Gati thi ghar me tu pareshan hote the hum..
Padosiyon ko lagta tha phat gya koi bum..
Ek bar to dog catcher aa gaye the mohalle me..
Tere gane k chakkar me kitne kutto ne jan gawai..
O meri preeto, tu kyu hui parayi!

Tu ja rhi h apne sasural..
Sale pareshan kare to baith jana anshan pe ya kar dena hadtal..
Pati ko rkhna mutthi me..
Sas kare dukhi to kar dena kutai..
O meri preeto, tu kyu hui parayi!

Ab kahne ko nhi hai kuch aur bacha..
Ab tu ja aur pati ko ungliyon pe nacha..
Kavita karta hu band..
Ab Isi me hai meri bhalai..
O meri preeto, tu kyu hui parayi!

Hope u didn’t like it.. If u did, go see a psychiatrist.. Thanku 🙂