Archive for April, 2012

Hello all, in the series of co-authored posts, this is 4th for the month and 6th overall. Here I am going to tell something you all might have been waiting for, some supercool ways to beat the heat. To help me out, I have one of my biggest fans, an all-time reader, a good friend, and above all, the person who suggested me to make the blog, which means the first reader of a blog which now has all hundreds of you beautiful readers 😉 Please welcome Ashish Jhawar.

So people always say they don’t like summers, nothing is good except for the holidays. I think on different lines, for me, its holidays+fun+cool clothes+ice creams+mangoes!! Oh mangoes!!!! Umm… sorry I got carried away. Anyway, what they don’t like is the shooting temperature and the “Chubhti jalti garmi” as they say. So here are some ways to beat the heat.

 

Way 1:

Work out in a gym, sweat so much that you become a self shower. Now hit the strongest man near you and run for your life. Since you will run covered with sweat, the breeze will make you feel cool. Also, when you get caught, you’ll be “Knocked out Cold”!!

Way 2:

Buy an iPad/iPhone or anything that starts with an i (except for i Pill). Since you now have a cool gadget, you’ll be known as a “cool” guy amongst your not-so-cool friends!

Way 3:

“Rasiyaaaa ♫ aa ja!!” Remember something? Yep, download and watch the slice ad by katerina 5-6 times. As my friend gurpreet says, “kaleje wich thandak aa jayegi!”
PS:
You can also watch some other things I can’t really suggest here.

Way 4:

Whenever a guest comes your home, hit him on the head and beat him with a stick. See, treat him cold-blooded, no “Warm Welcomes” this summer!!

Beat the Heat

Way 5:

Go watch titanic 3d. They have a lot of glaciers and icebergs in it. Feel cool. But don’t watch too much, you might wanna skip some HOT parts the movie had.

Way 6:

Listen to AC/DC, they’re cool. Watch djokowich play those sexy volleys, that’s cool. But please don’t watch a Chelsea match, that’s totally uncool, plus you might heat up seeing the way they play!

Way 7:

This one has actually worked for me a thousand times. Take around 5-6 ATM cards with you and go in the small ATM cabinets we have on roads. AC is free, plus if there are people outside, pretend that you are checking balance in all those cards, have fun!

Way 8:

Melons, watermelons, Ice, Icecream, sea breeze, Mango shake, chilled cold drink!!! It actually works, I know..! Just say these names while you want to save yourself the misery of going out in the heat and actually buy them. Such words work on your psychology and make you feel cool.

See that’s the reason I keep saying megan fox, Angelina jolie etc.. in my free time.

Way 9:

This one is for hostellers, go and have a bath for a change. It actually feels good, I am telling from my personal experience I had last week.

So I am done with my ways. If you don’t find any of those useful, read my blog, it’s cool! 😉

You got more? Feel free to comment. And do tell me which one of these you liked the most.

I’d again thank my co-author Ashish for being instrumental in framing this post. You would want to check out his blog too, which is by the way a way better blog then mine. Here goes, Guitar Guruji.

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Let me put this straight, it’s a month of co-authored post, and 3rd in the line is going to be this rhyme. After the Preeto saga, this is another hindi rhyme, written by my childhood friend and a pretty good sarcasm writer, “Shailesh Yadav“.

Now here’s a word of caution, if you’re expecting any kind of sense, please don’t go further, or be ready to blame me for the excruciating 5 minutes you just spent reading this. (And as i know you ARE going to read further, here’s a tip, do press the like button in the end 😉 )

Here we go..

 

Subah k baje the 8,

Rajaai me the mere haath..

Ghode bech k so raha tha,

Sapno me kho raha tha..

Itne me ma ne jagaya,

Uth beta, tera result aaya..!!

 

Ye sunna tha ki sapna toot gaya,

Laga jaise bhanda mera phoot gaya..

Semester ki ek-ek harkat yaad aane lagi,

Aankho k saamne dhundh chaane lagi..

Semester k flashback me kahin nazar na aayi padhai,

Poore semester sirf udham machaayi..

Flashback se hosh me aaya,

Jab ma ne phir jagaya,

Uth beta.. tera result aaya.

 

Utha mai palang se, aalas me sir hilaya,

Phir jaa k computer chalaya..

Result se pehle facebook khola,

Computer ne ‘log in error’ bola..

Mai chaunk gaya, result bhool gaya, sar mera chakraya, password phir se dala, enter dabaaya..

Aur jab home page khula, tab chain aaya..

 

Dekha 1 notification aaya tha,

Class k topper ne apna result bataya tha..

Saala phir se 90% k upar laya tha..

Pehle gussa aaya, phir m muskaraya,

Aur like ka button dabaya..

Uske baad apna result khola to..

Computer screen ne “HTTP ERROR 404” dikhaya..

 

 

Dil zor-zor se dhadhkne laga,

Dimag idhar-udhar bhatakne laga..

Bure-bure khayal aane lage,

Sir pe dar ke badal chaane lage..

Maine ek baar fir roll no. dala,

Iss baar khul gaya mere result ka taala…

 

Umeed ke mutabik result ka phool khila tha,

2 subject me mujhe ‘F’ mila tha..

Par ek bat ne mera dil chhua tha,

Baki 4 subjects me mai pass hua tha..

 

Mann mera udas hone laga,

Aurr shayad dil bhi halke-halke rone laga..

Maine phir se computer ko dekha, to..

Screen gayab hone lagi thi,

Aankho k saamne dhundh chaane lagi thi..

Mai kuch bhi samajh na paaya..

 

Mai kuch bhi samajh na paaya

Tabhi mammi ne mujhe pakad kar hilaya

Aur bistar se utaarte huye boli..

Uth nalayak.,, tera result aaya..!!

 

Yep, that’s the end, short n precise, tell me if you liked it. And yes, by far this was a post with the least contribution of mine in terms of writing, but since I don’t have reference to any other literary works of shailesh, feel free to message me if you have any kinds of crap to say to him. I’ll make sure he reads that, or maybe, you can comment here. 😀

PS: If you didn’t get it, this was a dream we explained 😛

The world consists of two kinds of people, girls and boys. While the first kind is responsible for the development of the world, the second kind basically brags about the fact that behind every successful first kind, it’s them who is responsible. Now all the females who felt offended, please don’t… Well… I don’t really have an explanation why, but just don’t!

So I am going to tell you how a resume of a girl should actually look like. This was a real tough job as I had to get all my facts perfectly correct and double checked.  As this is the month of co-authored posts and I have already put 1 in the series, to help me out in this, I have a co-author, Shubham Khandelwal, a very good friend and a nice writer as well.  So please welcome him and if you find any exaggeration in the article, feel free to blame him.

Moving on, a resume is the basic sketch of your personality and represents you in the outer world. Now what if it contains what you actually are, instead of what you show. Troublesome won’t it be? Here’s one I’ve made for most girls. (See, I said most, not all)

 

RESUME

Name: XYZ (I don’t really want to face the wrath of girls so early, let’s wait for some lines)
Contact Number: You can get that from anyone, you know. 😉

OBJECTIVE

  • For Rajasthani and Gujarati girls: To get married.
  • For Metro city girls: To have affairs with around 10 guys, bankrupt 3-4 out of them, have a bad break-up with 2-3  of them, be friends with rest of them and then get married (not with any of them).
  • For Punjabi girls: To look as beautiful, maintained and sexy as they can and then get fat, of-course after getting married
  • For Southern and Eastern states’ girls: To study to the extent that even the nerds of other states are left behind and then get married.

 

ACHIEVEMENTS

  • Topped the school each year in English and kept the books, notebooks etc. clean and covered.
  • Got first proposed by a guy in 9th grade. Ohh my God, can’t tell you how cute he was!!!
  • Wait wasn’t two enough? Does “sang the morning prayer in assembly for three consecutive years” count?

 

INDUSTRIAL EXPOSURE

VLCC, Kaya Kalp, Kiora, Shades, Shehnaz

Took slimming treatment, figure maintaining treatment, skin treatment, hair treatment and in short everything

PROJECTS

  • Was successfully involved in the project “Don’t tell anyone that rupinder is having an affair with gurmeet”.
  • Handled the project “Let’s put stupid statuses on Facebook that include wine names and month names” for three months regularly.
  • You want a third one? What am I, some rocket scientist!!

 POSITIONS OF RESPONSIBILITY

  • Acted as satellite 24/7 for all the boyfriends I have been with
  • Caretaker of pets especially puppies to the extent that eventually they run to PETA and ask to save them from the “loads” of affection
  • Assisted every friend of mine to do loads of shopping until her wallet or preferably her boyfriend’s wallet became empty.

      

EXTRA CURRICULARS

  • Outstanding debater; can shut up any guy in 2.3 minutes precisely.
  • Exclusively awesome in cursive writing.
  • Awarded for making record smileys in every text I have ever sent.

PERSONAL SKILLS

  • Sharp memory: Can remember every statement said by others date wise.
  • Art & craft: Good at making cards and picking up stuff toys on the basis of cuteness.
  • Can text and talk for hours non stop, also, can sound dumb, cute, mad and lovable at the same time. (Quote: 9 step guide to dating)

Why Should You Hire Me? :

Just have a look at the picture I have attached, and then see if you really want to ask that again!

So that’s it, this was really an anti-feminist kind of post as some might say, but then again, I always maintain equality (Kinda evident from my How to identify a Tharki article!). So girls, do tell me which points I got wrong and if anyone of you wants to help me making a similar one for guys, you’re welcome J

Thanking again my co-author, shubham khandelwal, though we do share the same name, our thought’s don’t match much, except for what we’ve written here. Since this is the first time I’ve ever wrote an article with a guy (Yeah! 😛 ), I would like to share with you all, one of his better articles here. Have a look Here