Archive for the ‘Co-Authored’ Category

To the immensely awesome and hugely popular writers like me *hiccups*, fan mails are not a very common thing. But I do get a few of them. Few are just a feedback of how one liked/disliked my book or some particular article. But this one is quite different. It came from a reader who I added on facebook sometime back. “Harshda Mangal”. She is a blogger herself and has made sure I tell her everything about wordpress since the day she started it 😛

When she told me she wanted to write a post like this, I didn’t understand the idea. But once I read it, I found it quite different. So here it is, a post by a reader, for me, on how my non-readers would take me. Yes, it seems weird, but trust me, it is weird! 😛
This post is dedicated to Shubham Choudhary, one because I am not a famous writer yet and second, I don’t know any other writer (Well! I know many but no one else would give a damn to this).

So, Shubham, You think you are a writer? Huh?? Well! There would be many people around you who would not believe the same, but there would be many more in number who would know that you are a writer, but they don’t read you. So, this post is for your non- readers (And it’s an effort to tell you that you may have crossed 47000 pageviews and got more than 1000 likes on Facebook, but to many you are still just “Shubham”)

To The Non- Readers

You had dedicated your debut novel “My EX fell in Love” to your readers. Well! This post is dedicated to your non- readers. You  should  not be much concerned about the success of this post, because the people to whom it is directed are not going to read it anyway and the person who is writing all this is also not famous!

I will not here, criticize or abuse them but thank them, to be in your life that they always prove and make you realize that, ‘whatever you have achieved, we don’t give a damn to you’.

Now, what follows is a work of imagination of how people would have nagged you by their behaviour. I know that you would surely have passed through some of the incidents and if you haven’t, hope that you do, in near future.

So, here are some of the encounters which you have or would witness:

1.       A friend, met in college and asked, “What happened man? You have not posted anything on your blog since a very long time?” This question came up when you had updated the blog just one day ago. You told him about the same and he replied, “REALLY??”
You know what, if you would have said that “I have not updated it since 3 months”, he would have broadened his eyes with the same astonishment and asked, “REALLY??”

(This one has actually happened to me, a lot of times 😛 )

2.       You meet a girl on FB and she bombarded you with the fact that she is your greatest fan. You thanked her, but she went on to prove the fact. She told that she had loved the article where you talked about “Boys are dogs” and the post in which you showed your concern over “Alien War” and also where you reviewed the movie ‘Players’. At first, you were like, when did I write that? But when she talked about Players, you thought, “This is it… I had no courage to even watch that movie for one time and she says I reviewed it…”
You interrupt her at that, but she said that “You are a busy person, must have forgotten that you wrote that…” Now what can you say after such a statement. Well! You just accepted all the appreciation with a thank you and three smileys in a row ( and also because the girl was hot… You Barney Stinson Fan…)

(That has never happened before, but if the girl is hot, I am waiting for something like this 😛 )

See, i just made this and wanted to show this. So bear with it :P

See, i just made this and wanted to show this. So bear with it 😛

3.       You meet a school friend, accidentally at the CCD. He asked you, “How is your blog- shlog going on?” You started telling him about that and was just reaching towards telling about the book, that he had to interrupt, “Ya, I have also read many posts… I can even recall that something based on tharki and all.”
You were taken to surprise and told him that it’s a very old post to which he replied, “Ya… but you know, I don’t get time to read all that stuff.
And hence a guy who actually has read you, rejects all your hard work and proves he is busier than you!
(What can I say, happens daily!)

4.   I want to witness this incident, (so, make sure that there is any wedding in your house, you invite me!!)
Imagine, your parents are bragging something about your novel, when one of the grandmothers, comes into the scene and says in a loud voice… Arre Shubham… ye kahan ka writer hai?? Ye to bachpan me nachta accha tha.. isse to dance karwao (Shubham? He is not a writer… He used to dance well, make him dance! )

Before you finish reading and ask yourself what the hell was that, I’ll say, go through point three again. Once you have a readership (or following or whatever you call it), it becomes a point of how you take some moments that won’t happen if you didn’t have that following.
I find myself the same old person but people don’t. So thanks Harshda for giving me a glimpse of what might happen.

Till I get something else to post on the blog, please like this post! 😛

PS: You can visit her blog here: http://creatigentt.wordpress.com/

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This post was pending from a long time. Needed to create a vibe since I wanted this to reach as many people as it could.

Devansh, a friend, a reader and an honest follower is my co-author in this one.

Here’s a little preview:

“Be the change you want to see”, if everyone started following this simple line, most of the problems would be solved. While I have always said this, I’ve never seen this happening around me. Blaming the government is something we consider our birthright.
‘India is a store house of problems’- I’ve lost count of how often I’ve heard these words. No solutions though, just bare criticism, as to how poor we are, how corrupt our system is & how many years will it take for us to be able to compete with the rest of the world. But ironically, none of these is incorrect. So I also started blaming the government for not only not being able to solve problems, but becoming a hindrance in the way of others who wanted to.

Just when I was having one such discussion with a friend, he told me about some initiatives his state government has taken up. Before I tell you, I’ll say that this is in no way any kind of promotion or a news making stunt. But just something I really liked and would love it if others follow it too. 

This post is different in many aspects.  As the full post is not on my blog but on my YouthDiaries website.

Read the full post here: www.youthdiaries.in/ready-for-the-change 

For the first time the whole blogpost can be found on Facebook too: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=505098869526683&set=a.304267172943188.61617.303200656383173&type=1&relevant_count=1

Many thanks to Devansh for being my co-author in this. Would love to create more such posts with you. You can read more of Devansh’s posts here : www.devanshtrivedi.wordpress.com 🙂

Today… or well, tonight… the bug won’t speak. I’d just say a very happy women’s day to all the females out there. Congrats, you managed to spend one more day safe and sound. This post, is for you and by you.

3 days back, I had this idea of an ‘all’ readers post. And then I started asking all the female readers of my blog one simple question, “What does being a woman mean to you?” And I am glad to have received some superb answers. Although I had promised I’d feature all of them, but some answer didn’t actually answer the actual question so I had to keep them out.
Moving on, here is the question:

What does being a woman mean to you?

 

And here are the answers:

 

Being a woman doesn’t only mean possessing feminine features and a delicate physique. For me it means being strong, self-reliant, confident and independent. Being a woman i have learnt many things, the biggest one being to be able to stand up for myself and my rights and question where i feel i have been wronged. To me, it also means to help other women emancipate themselves by presenting a good example of yourself in front of them and help them experience the joy of their womanhood.

–          Surbhi Sharma

 

Being woman means conveying such ideas and principles through my writings,personality and deeds that every woman starts feeling proud about her existence and adopt feminism,every man starts respecting each woman just the way he respects his mother and every rapist spend his every second with guilt in his heart.

–            Ankita Sharma

 

Being a woman means getting separate place in metro trains, long queues, admission quotas and now even separate banks! 😀

–          Gargi Trehan (One of my co-authors from the past)

 

Being women”… LOL! Most of the time people want me to be a puppet and I have to be one, otherwise there are consequences. So, I don’t know if i can answer this question because I rarely hold any experience in “Being women”.

–          Harshda Mangal

 

Happy women’s day.
Being a woman means a lot. Being strong… Mentaly n emotionaly.. Heap of patience, tonns of love, Billions of problems, yet a smiling elegant face. Being a woman means ‘ME’. Dedicating dis day to all the women n specially d best 1 in my life, my mom. Some lines for her. By her stupid daughter :p
It won’t be an exaggeration, that my mom is my priceless possession.
Who lends me the knowledge of etiquette.  My mom is the best flower inside a buqette.
All her life she has been so ethical. From day till my mom remains mechanical.
Even a computer is having a motherboard. Me n my mom is having a feeling cord..
My mom’s face gives me blue. Ever i broke she was the only glue..
Every morning her fragrance is in my room, she always prays to make me bloom…
The best place i ever found is your lap, you motivated me with my future map…
Without u m a little weak, as m habitual with u to get stick..
Mom, for me u r the idol of god,
much much higher than any lord..
Mom, you are in my heart’s mantel piece.. Because it’s so secure to stay with that ease. LOVE YOU MAA.

–          Neha Rai

 

Being a women is like a surprise gift which has been surprising me through different Stages of my life and will always do , it’s like a special feeling of being unique, beautiful… Feels proud that we play so many diff. roles in one life, which comes along with their own responsibilities…. God has blessed us with immense will to face the troubles. A woman can be described in million ways as they say, no one can describe a woman completely…. All this make me feel absolutely wonderful!!!!

–          Gargi Joshi

 

Being woman to me is like having the love of my parents, my brothers and my friends. It’s like a multitasker doing all the jobs in one go. (With mistakes obviously 😉 )
Being woman means loving being the drama queen and the emotions and the tears and laughter and throwing tantrums. And last but not the least; I love the line, Ladies first! 😉

–          Viji John.

 

According to me being a woman is just not a female gender. It’s a feeling. Feeling of love, care, concern, power, strength, self-respect, defence.

–          Shweta Dewanda

 

“I like being a woman, even in a man’s world. After all, men can’t wear dresses, but we can wear the pants. ” the words are Whitney Houston’s. And i agree!

–          Sharmili Adhikari

 

 

Being a woman for me is a blessing. Through all the hardships and difficulties that I have faced as a woman, I always find a ray of hope to pull myself through it and face the world filled with newer and greater challenges as well as beauty.
But I must say, you have asked a very tough question here. There are so many aspects that a woman goes through that I doubt any woman can actually sum it up in a few sentences.

–          Ramya Hegde

 

waiting child

Being a woman for me today means. Opening your own doors, Balancing choice with obligation, the world is yours. if you’re bold enough to take it.
Not expecting a thank you. You do something because either it’s expected of you, ’cause no one else will, or you just want to.
The sky is the limit. I can walk on the moon (if they ever send anybody there again), run for president, become one of the richest people on earth – whatever the imagination conjures up is within our grasp…except of course – equal pay.

Working in a man’s world, while still living in a woman’s world

Having to establish that you DO have a brain and you CAN work a camera with the best of them, even if you are wearing high-heeled boots.
Being a woman sometimes means having the responsibility without the authority.
Being a woman today means going beyond what your mother thought was possible.
Feeling confident that I can do anything, be anything—until some guy exerts his male privilege when I least expect it.

Tirelessly juggling multiple jobs to serve many constituencies—study, family, employees, community—with as much energy, love and grace as one can muster.

–          Vandana surana.

 

Being a woman feels strange (Yes it does!). God has blessed us with three hormones – Estrogen, testosterone and Progesterone. When these hormones are varied to absurd levels, a woman is formed. Seriously.
Coming to the point, Women Often Complain about being beautiful decorative items, miserable objects of pity and sympathy. They blame male dominated society for this condition. But if I do that, I’ll be lying. In the past 21 years of my life, i have never faced any kind of rejection due to my gender. Instead, I was highly privileged.
Separate lines, reservation (Die, you General Category Boy, DIE!),mMore options in clothing line and accessories etc. etc. The actual victims of male chauvinism cannot even put their feelings publically, maybe it’s a matter of pride for their men. In my close circle, whenever girls are asked to write about “how they feel about being a woman”, they always write about how women are the best creations of god because they are capable of giving life (But I’m not going to do that). Whenever they are about to lose a debate with men, they try to act superior and say that men owe their life and love to women. Honestly, it’s not true. And dear Mr. Sperm, You are important too, no one can challenge that. Women only lack in physical strength and these boundations are self-imposed. Wake Up you sleeping beauties, today Womanhood is appreciated, respected and celebrated. Just Practice a little bit of ‘NUT – Cracking’ daily and everything will be equalized. Happy Women’s Day.

–          Akanksha Sharma (Yep, my first co-author ever on this blog)

 

Feminism to a women is a feeling that comes from within. A happiness, a confidence that spreads warmth to her heart, brings sparkle to her eyes and a secret beguiling smile to her lips.

Being a women is beautiful.

–          Kshama Pandey

 

Having the luxury of being the powerful charming one and in case that doesn’t work, being the sympathy gainer! It’s a win win game.

“Ladki hone ka fayda na ho to ladki hone ka kya fayda”

–          Pragya Vedprakash

 

Being a woman means to accept yourself exactly as you are as you give yourself permission to grow and evolve. It also means putting yourself first on your to do list…

–          Swati Goyal (My beloved sister)

 

To me, being a woman means that I end up sacrificing a lot to gain little but making that little count so that my lot doesn’t seem to matter anymore.

–          Anjali Mariam Paul

 

And the last one,

Woman = Beauty + Agility + Flexibity + Responsible + Unconditional Love + Nurturer of life. Only a woman knows you, your heart, your needs and how to take care of it all.

–          Debdatta Dasgupta Sahay

 

 

This is it. It was amazing reading all the responses. From the core of my heart, thanks to all and a happy women’s day, again 🙂

I keep my promises. There are two surprises, from my choice, Anjali Mariam Paul wins one of them. Do comment your favorite quote or message me, I need to declare the people’s choice too 🙂

Hello guys, you have no idea how good I am feeling updating this blog. Recently I did a few experiments with my writing. While the new style of fake interviews was highly appreciated (in conversation with), the foodie post got mixed reactions (Paneer Sizzler). Also my not so usual Birthday post managed to grab good comments from all J

I promise I’ll continue them, but in order to make my regular readers laugh like hell, this one is going to be an old classic. My take on politics with a tinge of sarcasm along with my co-author and sarcasm king Anil Sharma. This is my second co-authored post with him. And since then, both of us have come a long way. I completed my first novel and he made a hattrick of award winning blog posts!! Cool eh! 😀

Moving on, you all know Pranab Mukherjee is the new president right? This was probably the most discussed matter recently. A lot more popular than hina rabbani’s country visit and just a little less than Rajinikanth.

So here are a few things we both came up with, about Indian presidential elections and of course, our presidents!

  • After Pranab da became the president, Pratibha Patil was so good that she stayed at the Rashtrapati Bhawan on her last day as the president when she could have visited Nepal twice easily.
  • After Pranab Da’s nomination for the President, Manmohan Singh became the first ever silent FM.
  • Err… is it everyone or just me noticing that Manmohan ji is the 13th PM of india while Pranab da is the 13th President? Omen much?
  • Now we have three very important leaders from UPA:

Sonia Gandhi with an Italian accent.

Pranab Da with an unidentified accent.

And Manmohan Singh with ….Well…!

  • So how many of you actually think Pranab da could win Indian idol? Well he is versatile, having experienced all kinds of indian ministries. He follows whatever the judges say (you know who). And he can sing (on the tune of you know who!)
  • Funny thing happened in my phone, while I typed PRANAB, autocorrect changed it to PRANK, probably that’s why it is called a Smartphone!
  • In other news, Vijay Malaya is now on hunger strike. He says the only reason his company was still running was Pratibha patil!
  • That reminds me, Just like A.P.J Abdul Kalam, Pratibha also left the president house with only two bags. Err… One full of boarding passes and another full of electricity bills.
  • Though I sincerely want every Indian to respect the post of President, but that is post this president!
  • When some of our faking news correspondents asked some popular people about this, here are their replies.
    • Winner of Roadies: This news of new president is quite shocking for me. Just when I memorized the name of our president (Pratibha Patil), they replaced her.
    • Rahul Gandhi: Jeete Pranab or PA sangama, this is wrong!!
    • All the death sentenced criminals: We’re disappointed with this, our lives are in danger now!!
    • Shahrukh Khan: Is the president supposed to lift your ban on entering inside any stadium?
    • Aamir Khan: Please send your precious votes to us and public will decide if the election was correct!
    • Sachin Tendulkar: What are you asking me for? I even made the 100th ton damnit!
    • Chunkey Pandey: He didn’t really comment, though he did give us a free dinner for considering him popular.

 

 

Since now we have our president with us, and all we can do is to expect him to be a little attentive towards national matters (and mock him like everyone else). Still, I strongly believe that P.Chidamabaram could have been a better choice for this job, his dressing style is quite similar to the earlier president Pratibha Patil.

And since PA Sangama didn’t win, we have a new job for him. Quite matching to his name!

On a serious note, I wish all the luck… to the Indian public, after all they will have to hear Pranab Da on every Republic Day eve!

And to those who ACTUALLY think this is going to be good for our country and are really pissed off at this blog post right now, I can’t help but crack one more joke right now! 😛

Pranab: Any precious advice before you leave ma’am?

Pratibha: Yes, always use makemytrip.com, they are good. Yatra.com just sucks.

And for the few who are laughing, you know why Pranab Mukherjee is an important person? Because he is PraMukh!!

So this is it, I hope you all enjoyed, in case you didn’t, feel free to send your criticism for Anil as he is responsible for all the (bad) jokes in this article. And yes, don’t forget to take my autograph when you meet me, who knows if I’ll be the 21st Indian president!

Err… don’t forget to visit Anil’s blog FuddledAndPuzzled, he’s on a roll!! 😀

Hello people… In case you’re reading the blog not because I forced you to and spammed you with the link, there’s only one other reason (I hope), you think it’s funny.
So I thought, why not introduce you all to a person who is probably the wittiest guy I have ever met. There are many people who can be funny, but to be genuinely humorous and that too with a natural flow is a characteristic feature of Anil Sharma, a friend from Nepal who by the way, was also voted the wittiest guy on a platform called “TheWittyShit.com” (Not to mention that I was second 😛 )

With this article, I am starting a new category, “in conversation with” where I’ll tell you about my awesome conversations with some awesome people. (Hypothetical in nature, sometimes purely imaginary interviews too)

So the thing is, I am 21, and he is… err… old.  I am not married (And single, girls can take a note) and he belongs to the underprivileged community of married people. In our usual conversations, here are some differences we found out in married life and well, normal life!

Me:  So is it true, when they say marriages are made in heaven?
He:  If heaven is full of Chinese people then yeah, they are!

Me:  So what’s better, arrange marriage or love marriage?
He:  You need to take English lessons pal! Something has to be good to have a superlative called better.

Me:  Oh c’mon, it can’t be that bad! Ok tell me your views about arrange marriage.
He:  Arrange marriage for a man is like Eid for a goat. They treat him like a prince, feed him with great foods, and dress him with bright colours and then……

Me:  Better not speak, anyway, how about love marriage? That sounds tempting, huh?
He:  Have you heard those hindi idioms, “aa bail mujhe mar” and “apne pair pe kulhadi marna”!

Me:  Ohhhk, So why do you think that is? What makes marriage a disaster?
He:  A wife!

Me:  You have to speak a little more, you see, we want to explore!
He:  See, it starts right from the beginning, Marriage is danger, that is why the bride always wears RED.
Moreover, you want to see a comparison, it goes like this:

Before engagement: We are made for each other.  Between engagement and wedding: We are mad for each other.  After marriage: We are maid for each other.

Me:  But there are some good things too right? Like kids, who doesn’t love them!?
He:  When a man says “I like kids” always understand he IS talking about the process.

Me:  I’d agree to that for sure! 😛 I’ve heard that TV is the most problematic thing for a married person. Is that so?
He:  Yep, most common problem is TV. Husband always wants to watch Football and wife always want to kick his balls using her foot.  The wife always wants to watch “Punar-Vivah” and the husband wants it for real.

Me:  I wonder, is it really that bad? Why do people want to get married then!
He:  Have you heard people say marriage is like motichoor ka ladoo , well they are wrong. It’s like a dominos pizza, costs a lot, sounds tempting but tastes like hell, but to taste, you have to try it!
PS: for 80% of indian population, marriage is the easiest way to get laid!

Me:  So sir, any tips for those who just got married or are about to commit this serious mistake?
He:  There is a bunch of tips actually. Take a note.

  • Don’t waste your energy trying to make her laugh, she will treat you like a clown anyway.
  • Never reply to your wife’s “I love you” text with an “Okay”. (That time he also showed me the little wound he had near his forehead)
  • Remember, a perfect husband is one who apologies every time his wife makes a mistake.
  • And yes, take you wife on holidays to different places of the world, that will increase chances of her being lost.
  • When she asks for your credit card, give it immediately or you’ll give it after an hour with a broken limb!

Me:  And before you go, if I can ask, what’s the secret of a successful marriage?
He:  There’s a reason they call it a secret!!! No one knows it!!

So that’s it, I am sure this conversation made you laugh. This was Me (Shubham) with He (Anil Sharma) at his best. For more of his humorous jokes, don’t forget to visit his blog FuddledAndPuzzled. I am sure you’ll love it.

Do tell me who you would like to have a “conversation with” next and I’ll try. 🙂

Hello all, in the series of co-authored posts, this is 4th for the month and 6th overall. Here I am going to tell something you all might have been waiting for, some supercool ways to beat the heat. To help me out, I have one of my biggest fans, an all-time reader, a good friend, and above all, the person who suggested me to make the blog, which means the first reader of a blog which now has all hundreds of you beautiful readers 😉 Please welcome Ashish Jhawar.

So people always say they don’t like summers, nothing is good except for the holidays. I think on different lines, for me, its holidays+fun+cool clothes+ice creams+mangoes!! Oh mangoes!!!! Umm… sorry I got carried away. Anyway, what they don’t like is the shooting temperature and the “Chubhti jalti garmi” as they say. So here are some ways to beat the heat.

 

Way 1:

Work out in a gym, sweat so much that you become a self shower. Now hit the strongest man near you and run for your life. Since you will run covered with sweat, the breeze will make you feel cool. Also, when you get caught, you’ll be “Knocked out Cold”!!

Way 2:

Buy an iPad/iPhone or anything that starts with an i (except for i Pill). Since you now have a cool gadget, you’ll be known as a “cool” guy amongst your not-so-cool friends!

Way 3:

“Rasiyaaaa ♫ aa ja!!” Remember something? Yep, download and watch the slice ad by katerina 5-6 times. As my friend gurpreet says, “kaleje wich thandak aa jayegi!”
PS:
You can also watch some other things I can’t really suggest here.

Way 4:

Whenever a guest comes your home, hit him on the head and beat him with a stick. See, treat him cold-blooded, no “Warm Welcomes” this summer!!

Beat the Heat

Way 5:

Go watch titanic 3d. They have a lot of glaciers and icebergs in it. Feel cool. But don’t watch too much, you might wanna skip some HOT parts the movie had.

Way 6:

Listen to AC/DC, they’re cool. Watch djokowich play those sexy volleys, that’s cool. But please don’t watch a Chelsea match, that’s totally uncool, plus you might heat up seeing the way they play!

Way 7:

This one has actually worked for me a thousand times. Take around 5-6 ATM cards with you and go in the small ATM cabinets we have on roads. AC is free, plus if there are people outside, pretend that you are checking balance in all those cards, have fun!

Way 8:

Melons, watermelons, Ice, Icecream, sea breeze, Mango shake, chilled cold drink!!! It actually works, I know..! Just say these names while you want to save yourself the misery of going out in the heat and actually buy them. Such words work on your psychology and make you feel cool.

See that’s the reason I keep saying megan fox, Angelina jolie etc.. in my free time.

Way 9:

This one is for hostellers, go and have a bath for a change. It actually feels good, I am telling from my personal experience I had last week.

So I am done with my ways. If you don’t find any of those useful, read my blog, it’s cool! 😉

You got more? Feel free to comment. And do tell me which one of these you liked the most.

I’d again thank my co-author Ashish for being instrumental in framing this post. You would want to check out his blog too, which is by the way a way better blog then mine. Here goes, Guitar Guruji.

Let me put this straight, it’s a month of co-authored post, and 3rd in the line is going to be this rhyme. After the Preeto saga, this is another hindi rhyme, written by my childhood friend and a pretty good sarcasm writer, “Shailesh Yadav“.

Now here’s a word of caution, if you’re expecting any kind of sense, please don’t go further, or be ready to blame me for the excruciating 5 minutes you just spent reading this. (And as i know you ARE going to read further, here’s a tip, do press the like button in the end 😉 )

Here we go..

 

Subah k baje the 8,

Rajaai me the mere haath..

Ghode bech k so raha tha,

Sapno me kho raha tha..

Itne me ma ne jagaya,

Uth beta, tera result aaya..!!

 

Ye sunna tha ki sapna toot gaya,

Laga jaise bhanda mera phoot gaya..

Semester ki ek-ek harkat yaad aane lagi,

Aankho k saamne dhundh chaane lagi..

Semester k flashback me kahin nazar na aayi padhai,

Poore semester sirf udham machaayi..

Flashback se hosh me aaya,

Jab ma ne phir jagaya,

Uth beta.. tera result aaya.

 

Utha mai palang se, aalas me sir hilaya,

Phir jaa k computer chalaya..

Result se pehle facebook khola,

Computer ne ‘log in error’ bola..

Mai chaunk gaya, result bhool gaya, sar mera chakraya, password phir se dala, enter dabaaya..

Aur jab home page khula, tab chain aaya..

 

Dekha 1 notification aaya tha,

Class k topper ne apna result bataya tha..

Saala phir se 90% k upar laya tha..

Pehle gussa aaya, phir m muskaraya,

Aur like ka button dabaya..

Uske baad apna result khola to..

Computer screen ne “HTTP ERROR 404” dikhaya..

 

 

Dil zor-zor se dhadhkne laga,

Dimag idhar-udhar bhatakne laga..

Bure-bure khayal aane lage,

Sir pe dar ke badal chaane lage..

Maine ek baar fir roll no. dala,

Iss baar khul gaya mere result ka taala…

 

Umeed ke mutabik result ka phool khila tha,

2 subject me mujhe ‘F’ mila tha..

Par ek bat ne mera dil chhua tha,

Baki 4 subjects me mai pass hua tha..

 

Mann mera udas hone laga,

Aurr shayad dil bhi halke-halke rone laga..

Maine phir se computer ko dekha, to..

Screen gayab hone lagi thi,

Aankho k saamne dhundh chaane lagi thi..

Mai kuch bhi samajh na paaya..

 

Mai kuch bhi samajh na paaya

Tabhi mammi ne mujhe pakad kar hilaya

Aur bistar se utaarte huye boli..

Uth nalayak.,, tera result aaya..!!

 

Yep, that’s the end, short n precise, tell me if you liked it. And yes, by far this was a post with the least contribution of mine in terms of writing, but since I don’t have reference to any other literary works of shailesh, feel free to message me if you have any kinds of crap to say to him. I’ll make sure he reads that, or maybe, you can comment here. 😀

PS: If you didn’t get it, this was a dream we explained 😛

The world consists of two kinds of people, girls and boys. While the first kind is responsible for the development of the world, the second kind basically brags about the fact that behind every successful first kind, it’s them who is responsible. Now all the females who felt offended, please don’t… Well… I don’t really have an explanation why, but just don’t!

So I am going to tell you how a resume of a girl should actually look like. This was a real tough job as I had to get all my facts perfectly correct and double checked.  As this is the month of co-authored posts and I have already put 1 in the series, to help me out in this, I have a co-author, Shubham Khandelwal, a very good friend and a nice writer as well.  So please welcome him and if you find any exaggeration in the article, feel free to blame him.

Moving on, a resume is the basic sketch of your personality and represents you in the outer world. Now what if it contains what you actually are, instead of what you show. Troublesome won’t it be? Here’s one I’ve made for most girls. (See, I said most, not all)

 

RESUME

Name: XYZ (I don’t really want to face the wrath of girls so early, let’s wait for some lines)
Contact Number: You can get that from anyone, you know. 😉

OBJECTIVE

  • For Rajasthani and Gujarati girls: To get married.
  • For Metro city girls: To have affairs with around 10 guys, bankrupt 3-4 out of them, have a bad break-up with 2-3  of them, be friends with rest of them and then get married (not with any of them).
  • For Punjabi girls: To look as beautiful, maintained and sexy as they can and then get fat, of-course after getting married
  • For Southern and Eastern states’ girls: To study to the extent that even the nerds of other states are left behind and then get married.

 

ACHIEVEMENTS

  • Topped the school each year in English and kept the books, notebooks etc. clean and covered.
  • Got first proposed by a guy in 9th grade. Ohh my God, can’t tell you how cute he was!!!
  • Wait wasn’t two enough? Does “sang the morning prayer in assembly for three consecutive years” count?

 

INDUSTRIAL EXPOSURE

VLCC, Kaya Kalp, Kiora, Shades, Shehnaz

Took slimming treatment, figure maintaining treatment, skin treatment, hair treatment and in short everything

PROJECTS

  • Was successfully involved in the project “Don’t tell anyone that rupinder is having an affair with gurmeet”.
  • Handled the project “Let’s put stupid statuses on Facebook that include wine names and month names” for three months regularly.
  • You want a third one? What am I, some rocket scientist!!

 POSITIONS OF RESPONSIBILITY

  • Acted as satellite 24/7 for all the boyfriends I have been with
  • Caretaker of pets especially puppies to the extent that eventually they run to PETA and ask to save them from the “loads” of affection
  • Assisted every friend of mine to do loads of shopping until her wallet or preferably her boyfriend’s wallet became empty.

      

EXTRA CURRICULARS

  • Outstanding debater; can shut up any guy in 2.3 minutes precisely.
  • Exclusively awesome in cursive writing.
  • Awarded for making record smileys in every text I have ever sent.

PERSONAL SKILLS

  • Sharp memory: Can remember every statement said by others date wise.
  • Art & craft: Good at making cards and picking up stuff toys on the basis of cuteness.
  • Can text and talk for hours non stop, also, can sound dumb, cute, mad and lovable at the same time. (Quote: 9 step guide to dating)

Why Should You Hire Me? :

Just have a look at the picture I have attached, and then see if you really want to ask that again!

So that’s it, this was really an anti-feminist kind of post as some might say, but then again, I always maintain equality (Kinda evident from my How to identify a Tharki article!). So girls, do tell me which points I got wrong and if anyone of you wants to help me making a similar one for guys, you’re welcome J

Thanking again my co-author, shubham khandelwal, though we do share the same name, our thought’s don’t match much, except for what we’ve written here. Since this is the first time I’ve ever wrote an article with a guy (Yeah! 😛 ), I would like to share with you all, one of his better articles here. Have a look Here

Hello… I have been a little busy, evident from the frequency of my blog posts. So what I did was to ask for help on my fanpage and surprisingly, I got a huge response when I asked for a co-author for my next post. Seeing that, I decided something, the month of april is going to be a co-authored post month.
And here is the first article in that series, from me and my co-author, a person known to many of you from “5 questions guys can’t answer”, Akanksha sharma! In this, we have tried to help out the other girls, in case they need some dating advice, basically, How to impress and ask a guy out!

What guys need? Is the basic question in every girl’s mind.
Well, in general they need a girl who is caring, understanding, funny and kinda intelligent. Forget what I said if you’re hot!

love is in the air

 

So here are some ways to help you get going into a guy’s heart. Remember, all the ways have not actually been tested, but legends say they work.

  • Now when your mother says “Way to a man’s heart is through his tummy” listen to her.
    Prepare His favourite dish for him (and if can’t, then order it from somewhere and tell him that you’ve made it for him). Once his mouth opens, he will say yes to anything you say, if you know what I mean.

    Alter: Just text him that you like him!

 

 

  • Wait for your birthday. Guys love asking a girl what she wants for her birthday. Ask for a special b’day gift, and now ask him out (and if he is confused then use the weapon known as “Emotional Blackmail”).

 

Alter: Just text him that you like him!

 

 

  • Try to be close to him for some time. Not chipku but close, there’s a difference, a mosquito is chipku who you just want to kill, a pug who you just pet is close. Now take that figuratively and read on. Befriend his mother! Hah ! that’s it, guys always like girls liked by their mothers.

Alter: You know! Just text him that you like him!

  • Watch his favourite movie even if you hate that to the core and use some of its dialogues on the timing. HE WILL FALL FOR YOU FOR SURE!!!
    Guys like the girls with similar choice. Now this task is tough for most girls because they’d generally not want to watch space movies and well… other types… of movies!

    Alter: Guess what!

  • In the pre historic times, when tribal women used to like a guy, they used to throw a bone at him to indicate their crush. Now things have changed, but man hasn’t. Throw him a bone. Not literally, dumb! Go and give him something, maybe a shirt or a sweater or… well, even a hanky would do, just embroider your and his name inside a little red heart. Beneath that, a kiss leaving your lipstick mark would add to the magic.
    This works when you’re really close. But when you’re really close and still not together, I’d advise to rethink.

    Alter: Did I become too serious there? This close thing is crap, just text him that you like him!

 

I know my ways were toooooo good. But still there might be some girls who would actually be looking forward to ask a guy out instead of just screwing around. So here’s a nice write up to help them. http://www.wikihow.com/Ask-a-Guy-Out

In the end, I would like to thank Akanksha for making this second co-authored post with me. Just like last time, it will be hard for her to find out what points she had actually written 😛

Next 4 posts will be co-authored as well, stay tuned and you’re gonna love it 😉

After a long time, another Co-Authored post. Yes people, the bug is back, with one of my most regular readers, Gargi Trehan as my co-author this time. Have a look at the awesome journey she’s had bearing and I’ve had listening about “Tharkis”!

“Hey wassup? I know that you’re tired of people saying, “hiii there, you are cute, you are pretty, i like your smile, i like your eyes and stuff”…. and i can imagine how irritating it can be when someone out of nowhere jumps up and says “DO you wanna be my friend, or can i be your friend” and you feel like, DO i know you. Hence i would definitely not do the same, neither would i ask you to be my friend. All i shall say is why don’t we start a conversation and let friendship develop on it’s on? Ciao!”

So that’s how they talk! Yes, I am talking about the underrated, poor souls commonly known as “Tharkis”(ठरकी) and the word is also called “Lampat” (लम्पट) and “Despo” or “Desperate”. Yes I wrote it in Hindi because it gives a funny feeling reading that 😛

With my experiences, conversations and meetings with girls, I came to know this very interesting fact, that they constantly face such people in life. No matter how good-looking or how sensible the girl is (Which is rare, no offence), tharki people won’t stop hitting on them.

Now the question is, while every guy, one or the other time hits on some girl, every guy has to propose someone in his life, every person can fall in love, then how to identify the Tharki people in the crowd?
Well feel good because the bug has an answer for you.

Please don’t take the image literally 😛
So here are a few points that we came up with to help you identify a tharki.

  • They are generally of 4 levels.
    Level 1: Sophisticated and shy, but will not leave a chance once he’s frank and spam you with texts. Will hit on you with indirect ways and if by accident you tell him you’re single, one proposal your way. 
    Level 2: Might be ill mannered, talks a lot and will create chances to talk. (They also spam)
    Level 3: good thing, they don’t spam. Bad thing, They call!! They might have any of the qualities mentioned above, but it takes them 3 meetings to start hitting on you officially!
    Level 4: Eve teasing, Desperation, Open statuses, and whatever bigger things you can expect, put it there.
  • Every person can fall in love, but that is actually “Love”. If it’s a feeling of “I should have a girlfriend so let’s propose her”, then it’s a Tharki.
  • Obviously you will someday propose someone, but try that on 3 girls every month, and welcome to the world of Tharkis. (even 3 every year is a sign of the same)
  • Instead of being genuine and loving the girl they know, Tharki people try their luck on every girl. Reason: They need a girl, no choices there!
    Say on Facebook, Tharkis send sort of mugged up love letters in addition to friend request to make it sound good (A letter with which I started was a real one)
  • The Facebook Tharkis have a unique feature,  if accidentally their friend request gets accepted, they will religiously like every status of that gal even if it says “I am gonna die soon” and they will also like every other girl’s comment on the same status.
  • Very rightly said, They follow the tagline “bas naam he kaafi h” In case of hitting like button on gals status.
  • They are hardcore fans of Charlie sheen, though Charlie sheen is a Casanova and not a tharki, deep inside his heart, every tharki thinks of himself as Charlie sheen. Not to forget names like barney Stinson and joey tribbiani follow suit!
  • The best thing about Tharki people is their confidence, I just wish every engineer was this confident while giving his placement interview!
    Statistically proving the confidence, a Tharki, on an average, won’t take more than 3.7 minutes to ask for a girl’s phone number in the first chat!

So I guess there were a lot of things to let you know about them, some quick points to test the person on a “Tharki” scale.

  • Make a fake profile with a girl’s name and send him the friend request. If accepted without question, “Tharki”, moreover, if the DP was of some celeb, “MAHATHARKI”
  •  Ask the guy to close his eyes and take the first name (of a girl) that comes to his mind. A waiting time of more than 10 seconds, “Tharki”. A minute, “MAHATHARKI”
    (because there is a whole slideshow running in his mind, the best thing, none of those girls actually is going to be with him!) 
  •  Chat with him with someone else’s number, use a girl’s name and start getting personal. If he takes interest in return, without asking much about you, “Tharki”
  •  For girls: Give him your phone number, “9876543210”. If he tries calling, “Tharki”, if he knows the trick, he’s been a victim, “MAHATHARKI” and if he realizes it in a while, consider it normal and run other tests.

In the end, here is a Gyan Tip:

Remember, every guy in the world is born with a quality, a factor of attraction towards the opposite gender. Now when he feels it’s scarcity around, a fear of remaining single, a doubt on his qualities, all other friends getting committed, and above all, if he’s an engineer, Chances are that he’ll either become a Tharki or a Writer. (Hence
I finish any chances of you calling me the former).

So that’s it, for now, I hope I could impart you some knowledge and make you find out the differences between a genuine guy, a confused guy, a casanova and a Tharki. Once again I thank my Co-Author Gargi Trehan, a talented writer, an awesome guitarist and an intelligent commerce student. She gave me the real time experiences she had with the Tharki class people, which were instrumental in the post. You might want to read her blog GuitarGuruji as well.

PS: i know you want to ask, “Can’t girls be Tharki?” Obviously they can be, we’ll talk about that later 😉

This post has also been featured in the blog of TheWittyShit.com