The real resume of a girl!

Posted: April 14, 2012 in Co-Authored, Popcorn posts, Sarcasm
Tags: , , , ,

The world consists of two kinds of people, girls and boys. While the first kind is responsible for the development of the world, the second kind basically brags about the fact that behind every successful first kind, it’s them who is responsible. Now all the females who felt offended, please don’t… Well… I don’t really have an explanation why, but just don’t!

So I am going to tell you how a resume of a girl should actually look like. This was a real tough job as I had to get all my facts perfectly correct and double checked.  As this is the month of co-authored posts and I have already put 1 in the series, to help me out in this, I have a co-author, Shubham Khandelwal, a very good friend and a nice writer as well.  So please welcome him and if you find any exaggeration in the article, feel free to blame him.

Moving on, a resume is the basic sketch of your personality and represents you in the outer world. Now what if it contains what you actually are, instead of what you show. Troublesome won’t it be? Here’s one I’ve made for most girls. (See, I said most, not all)

 

RESUME

Name: XYZ (I don’t really want to face the wrath of girls so early, let’s wait for some lines)
Contact Number: You can get that from anyone, you know. 😉

OBJECTIVE

  • For Rajasthani and Gujarati girls: To get married.
  • For Metro city girls: To have affairs with around 10 guys, bankrupt 3-4 out of them, have a bad break-up with 2-3  of them, be friends with rest of them and then get married (not with any of them).
  • For Punjabi girls: To look as beautiful, maintained and sexy as they can and then get fat, of-course after getting married
  • For Southern and Eastern states’ girls: To study to the extent that even the nerds of other states are left behind and then get married.

 

ACHIEVEMENTS

  • Topped the school each year in English and kept the books, notebooks etc. clean and covered.
  • Got first proposed by a guy in 9th grade. Ohh my God, can’t tell you how cute he was!!!
  • Wait wasn’t two enough? Does “sang the morning prayer in assembly for three consecutive years” count?

 

INDUSTRIAL EXPOSURE

VLCC, Kaya Kalp, Kiora, Shades, Shehnaz

Took slimming treatment, figure maintaining treatment, skin treatment, hair treatment and in short everything

PROJECTS

  • Was successfully involved in the project “Don’t tell anyone that rupinder is having an affair with gurmeet”.
  • Handled the project “Let’s put stupid statuses on Facebook that include wine names and month names” for three months regularly.
  • You want a third one? What am I, some rocket scientist!!

 POSITIONS OF RESPONSIBILITY

  • Acted as satellite 24/7 for all the boyfriends I have been with
  • Caretaker of pets especially puppies to the extent that eventually they run to PETA and ask to save them from the “loads” of affection
  • Assisted every friend of mine to do loads of shopping until her wallet or preferably her boyfriend’s wallet became empty.

      

EXTRA CURRICULARS

  • Outstanding debater; can shut up any guy in 2.3 minutes precisely.
  • Exclusively awesome in cursive writing.
  • Awarded for making record smileys in every text I have ever sent.

PERSONAL SKILLS

  • Sharp memory: Can remember every statement said by others date wise.
  • Art & craft: Good at making cards and picking up stuff toys on the basis of cuteness.
  • Can text and talk for hours non stop, also, can sound dumb, cute, mad and lovable at the same time. (Quote: 9 step guide to dating)

Why Should You Hire Me? :

Just have a look at the picture I have attached, and then see if you really want to ask that again!

So that’s it, this was really an anti-feminist kind of post as some might say, but then again, I always maintain equality (Kinda evident from my How to identify a Tharki article!). So girls, do tell me which points I got wrong and if anyone of you wants to help me making a similar one for guys, you’re welcome J

Thanking again my co-author, shubham khandelwal, though we do share the same name, our thought’s don’t match much, except for what we’ve written here. Since this is the first time I’ve ever wrote an article with a guy (Yeah! 😛 ), I would like to share with you all, one of his better articles here. Have a look Here

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Comments
  1. I don’t want to sound like a chauvinist but in this male ‘dominated’ (tee-hee) world, such articles come as a relief! 😀
    Funny and witty and very well written, to both the Shubhams, good job! 🙂
    P.S.: 2.3 had 23 in it. ZOMG! O_O

  2. shilpi says:

    bahut pitoge tum dono 😀

  3. Shubham Khandelwal says:

    Thanx to both of you 🙂 And don’t worry usne pitai se bachne ka intejaam kar liya h, ek aur resume ki tyaari ki baatein chal rahi h FB pe… 😛 😀

  4. guitaRnB says:

    post this resume on google search as to ” How to find a REAL girl”, Trust me top searches mein hoga yeh 😉 😀

  5. smita says:

    too good…Hilarious.One more Achievement can b added………always secure highest internal marks in all subjects in college and A+ in art n health education at school

  6. smita says:

    EXTRA CURRICULARS n PERSONAL SKILLS…really a part of 90 % girls…..u r so correct

  7. Tripti Goel says:

    Super funny. Totally ROFLing. 😛 Extra curricular & Personal skills are the best, though i don’t agree with it. 😛 Its still hilarious. Total Shubham(s) work. Too good guys. xD Keep it up. 😛

  8. saikatmbka says:

    awesssssssssssssssssssssssoooome……….super hilarious..dude, man ki baat bol diya 😛 😀

  9. Refreshing and neat.
    Well-written.

  10. mysterygirrl says:

    super duper funny! hhahaa! can’t stop ROFLing!! LOL…where do you get such mind to think so deep about “our species” or you just don’t have any other work haha! Loved it big times!

  11. expressions unveiled says:

    thinking on “female welfare” haaan!!! well, the post is awesome!! loved it! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  12. debajyoti says:

    u ll soon find urself in trouble 😀

    as far as comment or sharing my opinion is concerned – mum’s the word.

  13. khyati tambi says:

    That ws funny . You wud hv offended our species if “MOST GIRLS ” mention nhi kiya hota …:)
    Create a resume for guys as well , i bet all ur readers wud suffer convulsions !! 😛

  14. Abhi says:

    Its awesome buddy..I can relate it to my surroundings..gud job;-)

  15. nibedita gon says:

    really well written…but girls are always not the same and now its high time that u make a guys resume…if help is required, ask for a single point from each girl u know and the resume would almost b complete

    • shubhamc21 says:

      Actually i was working on one, but my co-author vanished and being a guy i could not do justice to the post 😛 You’re welcome to suggest points though 🙂
      And thanks..

  16. I am wondering why i have not been visiting this site since earlier ..

    lot of info on the ladies , ah I wish I had read it earlier 🙂

  17. Kiara says:

    This is a really good site post, im delighted I came across it. Ill be back down the track to check out other posts that

  18. Nathan says:

    I had to refresh the page times to view this page for some reason, however, the information here was worth the wait.”

  19. […] Thank you Shubham Khandelwal, my co-author in the most liked post till date of this blog “The Resume of a girl” for his inputs in the […]

  20. […] three names that come to my mind are In conversation with: A married guy (co-author Anil Sharma), The real resume of a girl (co-author Shubham Khandelwal) and The Facebook relationship (that’s just me […]

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