Posts Tagged ‘college’

Hello everyone.. I know how long it has been since I last posted. Getting into a full time professional life brings a lot of changes in your lifestyle. My manager would soon realize I was an exception to this but yes, last few months have been pretty hectic for me.

But that’s not the only change that I saw in my life. I’ve been getting many queries everyday from my juniors regarding placements and in the college to office transition mode, I realized how useless and fake the campus recruitment… or now that we’re at it, all interviews are.

So as this thought occurred to me, I started thinking about what most freshers are asked in their personal interviews and how they answer every question, and what the actual answer would be, had they been speaking the truth.

Generally in the HR interview round, first question is “Tell me about yourself.” to which the candidate answers somewhat like this… “My name is XYZ, I am in Final year of ABC stream and I scored XX percent in my final year. My hobbies are…” that goes on for hell knows how many lines. Since the company wants intelligent people to work for them, wouldn’t an intelligent answer for that question be “It’s all there in the resume you’ve already read. Why don’t we skip to the good part?”

Funny-Interview-Picture

Moving on, some more questions, in no particular order, I’ve heard (and faced) are…

Q: Where do you see yourself in five years from now?

A possible ideal answer:

In a place where I can give my 100% to the organization I am in and prove my leadership abilities in a positive way.

A possible actual answer:

Who knows! If I could predict future, I’d already be earning enough to hire you as my assistant!

 

Q: Why this company? Why not any other firms that visit your campus?

A possible ideal answer:

Sir I’ve known this company for a long time and I know the kind of work environment and growth I’ll get here is not possible anywhere else.

A possible actual answer:

Because others won’t take me!

 

Q: How do you justify so less marks in this semester? (A question most engineers would face)

A possible ideal answer:

I was going through a bad phase in my life that time which made me miss many classes/ I had an accident / Family problem… blah blah..

The real answer:

Beer. Night outs. Bunks. Affair. Break up… and more beer..

 

Q: What benefit does my company get if we hire you?

A possible ideal answer:

I am a hard worker and my analytic qualities are unmatched. I’d prove to be a worthy employee…

A possible real answer:

You get the blessings of an otherwise unemployed person…! Isn’t that enough!

 

Q: Why should we recruit you?

This is the most tricky question. If you don’t answer this properly, they don’t hire you. And if you exaggerate, they’d put you in some shitty department that requires the use of some alien language you’ve never heard of!

What can be a good answer to this? Because I can do the Gangnam style and Harlem shake together at the same time!?

Another such question, and the WORST of all times is, “Describe yourself in one word.”

What do they expect? “I’m Batman”? Even that’s two words.

ziggy

That’s not enough, there is more! In fact the list of such questions is endless. “What is your best quality?” “Your weakness” or “Your strong points”.

Although it is necessary for companies to know the person before hiring him/her, but seeing the results in campus recruitment, anyone would agree that such interviews won’t make much difference if there is a better way of judging students, more like, better questions to be asked in the interview.

That’s it for now. Now that I have some time, I’ll hopefully be coming up with more articles in some time. 🙂

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Let me put this straight, it’s a month of co-authored post, and 3rd in the line is going to be this rhyme. After the Preeto saga, this is another hindi rhyme, written by my childhood friend and a pretty good sarcasm writer, “Shailesh Yadav“.

Now here’s a word of caution, if you’re expecting any kind of sense, please don’t go further, or be ready to blame me for the excruciating 5 minutes you just spent reading this. (And as i know you ARE going to read further, here’s a tip, do press the like button in the end 😉 )

Here we go..

 

Subah k baje the 8,

Rajaai me the mere haath..

Ghode bech k so raha tha,

Sapno me kho raha tha..

Itne me ma ne jagaya,

Uth beta, tera result aaya..!!

 

Ye sunna tha ki sapna toot gaya,

Laga jaise bhanda mera phoot gaya..

Semester ki ek-ek harkat yaad aane lagi,

Aankho k saamne dhundh chaane lagi..

Semester k flashback me kahin nazar na aayi padhai,

Poore semester sirf udham machaayi..

Flashback se hosh me aaya,

Jab ma ne phir jagaya,

Uth beta.. tera result aaya.

 

Utha mai palang se, aalas me sir hilaya,

Phir jaa k computer chalaya..

Result se pehle facebook khola,

Computer ne ‘log in error’ bola..

Mai chaunk gaya, result bhool gaya, sar mera chakraya, password phir se dala, enter dabaaya..

Aur jab home page khula, tab chain aaya..

 

Dekha 1 notification aaya tha,

Class k topper ne apna result bataya tha..

Saala phir se 90% k upar laya tha..

Pehle gussa aaya, phir m muskaraya,

Aur like ka button dabaya..

Uske baad apna result khola to..

Computer screen ne “HTTP ERROR 404” dikhaya..

 

 

Dil zor-zor se dhadhkne laga,

Dimag idhar-udhar bhatakne laga..

Bure-bure khayal aane lage,

Sir pe dar ke badal chaane lage..

Maine ek baar fir roll no. dala,

Iss baar khul gaya mere result ka taala…

 

Umeed ke mutabik result ka phool khila tha,

2 subject me mujhe ‘F’ mila tha..

Par ek bat ne mera dil chhua tha,

Baki 4 subjects me mai pass hua tha..

 

Mann mera udas hone laga,

Aurr shayad dil bhi halke-halke rone laga..

Maine phir se computer ko dekha, to..

Screen gayab hone lagi thi,

Aankho k saamne dhundh chaane lagi thi..

Mai kuch bhi samajh na paaya..

 

Mai kuch bhi samajh na paaya

Tabhi mammi ne mujhe pakad kar hilaya

Aur bistar se utaarte huye boli..

Uth nalayak.,, tera result aaya..!!

 

Yep, that’s the end, short n precise, tell me if you liked it. And yes, by far this was a post with the least contribution of mine in terms of writing, but since I don’t have reference to any other literary works of shailesh, feel free to message me if you have any kinds of crap to say to him. I’ll make sure he reads that, or maybe, you can comment here. 😀

PS: If you didn’t get it, this was a dream we explained 😛