Archive for February, 2013

There’s one more word starting with C, but I would prefer decency over that. This post is dedicated to the recent trends of the confession and compliment pages on Facebook.

Remember the old times when there were no sophisticated means of communication. People used to sing songs and send letters via pigeons (or at least that’s what we saw in movies). That time when someone felt like complimenting the other person, he/she would write that in the letter… or kiss it pink maybe.
Then came the modern time when we have phones, emails and what not. And the best part in my opinion is the vehicles which allow us to travel and meet the person and say things right to their face. Still there are things that embarrass the hell out of us or make us shy (in short, love stuff). So for that, there used to be churches where you could confess to the priest.

And then there’s all those weird radio programs where a super melodious RJ will not only listen to you in a night show with a mushy name (let’s say, raat baki baat baki), but pretend to be the love guru and solve your problems too.

The question is, were these not enough? Now what the FB timeline is filled of? NIT Confessions, IIT Confessions… and when that wasn’t enough, LNMIIT and JNIT confessions. What next? Swami Barkhanand Gokhle Institute of Dhaba Management Confessions?

 

Slappin Batman - i confess that shut up

And that’s not it, there’s ‘compliments’ too. The idea is, if you’re too shy of complimenting someone, just say it anonymously and we’ll post it. This way, the person who is being complemented becomes a hero. And the compliment giver doesn’t realize that since the taker doesn’t even know who gave it, he/she just made a big fool out of him/herself.

If I had this much time to waste (actually I pretend I don’t), I’d rather make a page for rating the photos on the scale of their hotness. Who knows the idea might just sell well. (No, it’s my idea. Your argument is invalid).

Coming back to the cr… confessions and compliments. First the major institutes will make such pages. Then individual college pages will be made. And then maybe we’ll start making a fan page for every freaking hostel room.
First the confession would be for IIT Confessions page. “I liked this hot girl and I proposed her friend just to stay close to her.”
Then there will be a particular IIT Delhi confession page status. “I liked this hot girl and i…” before it’s even posted, the admin will think, wait… hot girl… in IITD… man this guy is lying!
Then IITD, Jwalamukhi Hostel confessions page. “I broke the water supply coz I didn’t feel like bathing and didn’t want to feel left out by seeing others bathing.”
And at last, IITD, Jwalamukhi, Room number xxx confession. “ Dude! I was the one who stole your red underwear.”

IIT D guys need not take an offence, they can replace that with the iit they hate the most or maybe any NIT and read back. 😛

Futurama Fry - not sure if these complement pages are actually working or j
Point is, while these pages are lame and probably ideated by people who were themselves either too scared to say and face the truth or kind enough to help others get out of their misery, they are kind of fun as well.

This is how:

  • You can almost most of the times guess who is the person making the confession on your college page.
  • You can post fake confessions and create a ruckus. (The nasty ones 😀  )
  • You can post a fake lovy dovy compliment for the lamest guy around you and get it published and then make it go viral. And once the guy is done bragging, reveal the reality.
  • Make fake profiles, get yourself some compliments!
  • Ever made a to-do list with weird things that remained incomplete? What’s a big deal in confessing you did them?
  • Best one: Confess that you bribed a teacher. Once the confession gets liked and shared, act like your conscious suddenly woke up and you want to bring that evil teacher in the open and name the one professor you hate like hell.
  • Confess on your status that you were the real admin of the confessions page and the current admin tricked you in making him the admin and kicked you out. And now he is posting wrong things about the college. DEMAND your admin status back!
  • Compliment your girlfriend with a hundred different guy profiles. Once she is noticed, you become the dude. (She is your girlfriend after all). Double benefit, even she’d like that (Unless she knows the real motive).

Personally, my favorite confession was this.

“#6 Nikita
you have curvy figure…, but only problem is your Mustache. Please wax it up for me. 😦 
NIT-S”

True, honest… and well… hilarious, isn’t it?

Two kinds of people wouldn’t have understood half of this post. Those who have no idea what compliment and confession pages I am talking about. And those who actually made those pages.

In case you belong to former category, here are a few examples for you.
http://www.facebook.com/IITConfess?fref=ts
http://www.facebook.com/heartuninterupted?fref=ts
http://www.facebook.com/confessions.nit?fref=ts
http://www.facebook.com/pages/NIT-Compliments/334185053368302

And in case you’re in the latter, I know how badly you’re itching to put an offensive comment here. Go ahead, I’d love that. I have heard that hated posts go viral these days! 😀

Next month, next post. Looking for a co-author since I will be out of town and won’t get much time to write. Do write to me if you have an idea. 🙂

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When I talk about the blockbusters this blog has given, three names that come to my mind are In conversation with: A married guy (co-author Anil Sharma), The real resume of a girl (co-author Shubham Khandelwal) and The Facebook relationship (that’s just me 😉 )

All three not only won people’s hearts but managed to be liked by the critics as well. Not to mention they also bagged tangy Tuesday and spicy Saturday awards by Blogadda. So this article, is my sole attempt to recreate what I did with Anil Sharma is the article mentioned first. This time, we’re in conversation with a guy who just got in a relationship. Without further ado, let’s introduce you to Mr. X. (He doesn’t want single girls to know his name now.)

signs-of-a-desperate-man

Me: Hello Mr. X. Would you please leave your phone and join us here?
He: Oh sure. Hello everyone, love to be here.

Me: Yeah, no one came to watch you. Anyway, what were you doing there on phone? Messaging your girlfriend?
He: No, I was posting about her on twitter.

Me: Ummm… Anyway… So let’s talk about your relationship. How did it happen?
He: You know how difficult it is to get a girlfriend these days?
Me: No.
He: How would you, you don’t have one!
Me: I do.
He: But you never tweet about her! Lame! Anyway, it is difficult. I really had to put in hard work, dedication, efforts and what not!

Me: What not? Let me guess. Money, endless messages and time?
He: Who cares about time? Before her I used to watch roadies auditions all the time.

Me: I’d skip that part. Let’s get a little more personal. Was she always the one for you or it happened suddenly?
He: Suddenly. Like, in a moment.
Me: When?
He: When she said it!

Me: So you’re saying that you said yes to a girl who you didn’t feel for?
He: Look at me. Do you think I have that option?

Me: I’d agree to that! Moving on. What was the first thing you did after this love realization?
He: Posted that I am committed on Facebook.
Me: What! Ok second thing.
He: Twitter.
Me: Alright after that and Google+. Gtalk, Skype, Whatsapp and all other crap… what next?
He: What? Shouldn’t I get any sleep?

Me: Sigh! Ok, so what was her reaction after seeing all this?
He: Who?
Me: Your girlfriend? What did you think!
He: I know. Just that it feels so great when someone says ‘your girlfriend’! Well she hasn’t seen anything yet, hardly comes online!

Me: Still she chose you? So what do you think she likes in you?
He: I am really a good friend. A nice human being. With people in every condition!

Me: Wow! That’s big. Can we get any examples of those qualities?
He: Yesterday only. This girl said ‘I am really sad, mah dog hasn’t eaten anything today’ on Facebook and I commented ‘There there’.

Me: I should have seen that one coming! So tell us one thing you really like about her.
He: My friends say she is hot. Out of my league. Maybe she watches Champions league all the time, that’s why!

Me: SHE IS A FOOTBALL FAN!!!! <Sat back on my chair>. Ahem. Ok. That’s good to know. So is there any advice you would like to give to all the single guys there?
He: Ha! Suckers! I win!

Me: That was… umm… precise! So tell us about your love life. Any special dates?
He: Not yet. I just got committed. Posted about it. We couldn’t talk next day and now here I am. But you don’t need to worry, I’ll blog about the date once we do it.

Me: I am sure that’s something every reader will read! And this question remained untouched somehow, what did she say when she first told you about her feelings?
He: I love you! And then after we cut the call, she sent me some mail I am yet to see.

proposal

Me: I feel old. Things these days have changed or it’s just you?
He: It’s me. Not everyone is lucky to have a girlfriend you see.

Me: How do your friends react to this?
He: I am not able to give them time now. They are kind of angry, I think it’s jealousy. But some respect me too. They even raise their hands when I see them from far.
Me: Do you have vision problems?
He: A little myopic.

Me: Hmm. I am pretty sure they have their middle finger raised while they’re respecting you that way. One more question, with so much going around you, what do you think is more important? Work, education, family, country or relationship?
He: I’ll answer that indirectly. Only single guys answer one of the first four options.

Me: I think it’s time to wrap. It was (not) a pleasure talking to you. (I feel choked and it seems I’d have to take a treatment for bullshit syndrome!)
He: Wait, I am getting a call.

<Speaker on>

 He: Hello
She: Hey, how are you.
He: I am great. Love you!
She: What?
He: Don’t you love me cheeku?
She: Are you drunk? When did I say that? And don’t say that name again, ever… to any girl!
He: But 3 days back you said that on phone. Remember?
She: I love YouTube!!! That’s what I said you idiot. I even mailed you a video of the cat combing her fur that day!

Don’t think much, he fainted. We took him to a hospital where he proposed a nurse and got beaten up.

That Mr. X is almost every other guy these days. Not literally, but well, almost. So guys, life is simple. Take it easy. Learn to appreciate and be modest and above all, listen properly. 😛

In case you don’t like it, comment below and I’ll make sure I make the perfect excuse for that.

Before you go any further, here’s a warning… This article does not make sense. Seriously. There is no way your deep intellectual mind and my verbally diarrheic mood are going to sync at any point. Still, I know you’re a BIG fan of the blog (just say yes, it’s a rule…), so I promise you one thing; If you reach till the end and don’t like the article, you tell me about it, and we’ll both laugh about how I managed to troll you.

There’s a big crowd of embarrassing people out there. While there are people like Rahul Dravid who make their parents proud, there’s one kind like Uday Chopra which makes their parents feel bad about doing it in the first place so that they were born! And there’s also this third category like Abhishek Bachchan which has successfully managed to confuse their parents.

That bums me too!

That bums me too!

Anyway, this makes me think, why would someone want to have children? If they grow up one day to become THAT!!!

I am not being sarcastic, not saying no offence to anyone, I am just being truthful here. Either they chose the wrong profession or their parents chose a very bad day not to use protection.

Talking about embarrassing children, taking a few examples, the first name I can think of is Rahul Mahajan. An upcoming politician turned an eligible bachelor turned a weird comedy judge turned a step less dancer. That guy is not the only Rahul to have embarrassed himself publicly, but he sure is the greatest one. Best thing about him is the laugh. Don’t Google it, you’d prefer Justin Beiber’s songs over it!

Coming to the next best guy, you all know him already. Uday Chopra. His father was the king of romance; he is probably the sting of his father’s romance. I liked him in Dhoom movies though. He was definitely less constipating than Abhishek Bachchan’s voice and Esha Deol’s dance. But I am pretty sure his father would have wanted him to study and maybe open up a business where he didn’t have to speak. See, it’s when he starts to speak, the problem begins.

I could list worse, but the list would be incomplete if I don’t include Sanjay Dutt in it. Before I go ahead, I like the guy. His personality, his style and the movies. But the things he does, I am pretty sure Sunil Dutt would have preferred putting him into day boarding if he ever saw that coming.

Rahul Roy, Rahul Gandhi… a hell lot of other Rahuls. Abhishek Bachchan, Tushar Kapoor, Shamita Shetty are a few other laureates in the list.

But then I remember, in my last article I had said, if you can’t talk good about someone, don’t say bad things either. So I’ll tell you some things I like about them. That is… well… umm… You see… I… I think they… Well… Hell! Leave it.

I should also appreciate my parents for being the courageous ones. Not only they gave birth to me, and despite of my father being a genius and me being extremely poor at mathematics, they’ve been handling me pretty well for the last 21… no… 22… maybe 21 years.

Before I start making sense, let me tell you that this article is a result of the frustration I had after a real bad day in my work. You see… I didn’t do it.

Coming to the end (Yes, this article was small… Thank your stars or probably the mirror you didn’t look at after you woke up), I’d say one thing to our famous celebs. Beat your sons when they’re young. Put them in Boarding schools and probably make them eat boiled cabbage. Do anything, but kindly don’t make another disaster like the aforementioned.

In case you need any help, talk to Rakesh Roshan or Javed Akhtar on how to raise your children. (My parents are busy these days… else… you know 😛 )

PS: Hope you like this new thing about the blog, that I am about to tell. An article every Sunday. A definitely funny one (Or at least a desperate attempt to make you laugh… like this one). That’s a promise from now on.

For the serious ones, occasionally, we have a Friday. 🙂