Posts Tagged ‘Popcorn posts’

So this is an article about 5 questions that girls ask and guys can’t answer. This is the first time I have a co-author with me. So ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you, Akanksha Sharma. She was instrumental in helping me with the questions, and well, wherever I went overboard talking about girls 😛

And before you start reading this article here are a few rules I should make clear

a)      If you’re a guy and in a relationship, you should know and learn what this article says.

b)      Oh you’re a married Guy, very sad, moving on, read this and since you’ve experience, share more!

c)       You’re a single Guy (And hot), read this and remember, you have an edge over all your single friends, hence more chances of getting girls..!!

d)      You’re a single guy (not hot and not talented), read this, praise me, and then go back listening to your Justin Beiber CD

e)      You’re a GIRL! Read this, don’t curse me, and tell me if you found any of this true… And give me your number (hey I don’t make the rules!)

PS: All the above rules are crap… umm… And so is the article… But you have already wasted a minute reading all this… waste 2 more and read further…   Keep your mind in fridge and go on reading!

So we’re talking about 5 things that a guy can’t answer… Obviously things that a girl asks… let’s roll with it.

Girls vs boys

1.       Am I looking good!!?

So what’s the deal with this question? See, every girl in the world is born with a deep down feeling of superiority about her looks over the entire mankind. But saying yes can be problematic as she might think you’re just trying to flatter her, while saying no!!! boy!! Don’t even think about it coz this might lead to severe bruises.

So how should you answer?

  1. Nice, specially this new hairstyle, looks awesome! (She won’t complain since you noticed something new.)
  2. Apparently, Black suits you way more than any other girl. (Criticize other girls and you’re good to go.)
  3. Heyyy… let’s go shopping! (Always works!)

2.       Hey, do you think she is more beautiful than me?

Yes… I know she is, but you don’t say that. Saying yes or no both lead to same conclusion, “YOU CHECKING HER OUT” and even though you were, you shouldn’t admit that!

So how should you answer?

  1. Sorry, never noticed her except for her clearly visible poor dressing sense. (as I said, Criticize other girls and you’re good to go)
  2. Who said that, no girl in the world is more beautiful than you, except for megan fox (Using a famous personality won’t make her jealous, you’re safe.)
  3. Heyyy… let’s go shopping! (Always works!)

 3.       Why don’t you understand me? (Or, what’s with that ego? Or actually anything)

There is this one simple rule with girls, NEVER SAY YOU’RE WRONG!!!!  If you’re wrong, admit that you’re wrong. If she’s wrong, again, admit that you’re wrong. Girls can sound dumb, cute, lovable and sad all at the same time. In Guys, only Chelsea fans do that.

So how should you answer?

  1. I know, I am dumb, I need you (blah blah…. Keep on going…)
  2. I am just so excited to be with you that I make such mistakes. (this line is so good    that you might even get to watch a whole cricket match with her!)
  3. Heyyy… Let’s go shopping! (You know that!)

toughest questions

 4.       Do you remember when we first met (and you first gifted me some thing, and my b’day, and my mom’s b’day and my brother,sister,father etc. etc. etc…)

One thing is clear, normal guys don’t remember ALL the dates. A few might be OK, but if you remember ALL, go get yourself checked. So the rest 98.4 % guys who are normal, don’t make a random guess in this part because that will finish the chances of your b’day getting anything special. And saying No, well, is worse than suicide.

So how should you answer?

  1. I think we’re together from ages (it’s cheesy, but works many times)
  2. Yes I do (Use that calendar in your phone, moron!)
  3. Heyyy… let’s go shopping (do I need to say why!)

5.       Tum kitna badal gaye ho. Hai na?

The BAAP of all questions. Now how the hell would someone remain unchanged over years? And girls are the ones who complain about your bad hairstyle, dressing sense and other habits at the first place. But if this is what you say to her, book a bed in the nearest hospital.

So how should you answer?

Even I don’t have an answer to that. Do tell me if you have one!

Before concluding let me quote these lines directly from a girl’s heart… (to prove that boys aren’t that bad 😛 )

Behind every Mischief of a young boy, there’s always this innocent lad for whom food means mother’s recipe.

Behind every pair of notorious eve teaser eyes, there’s a nostalgic brother, who cherishes all the memories of his sister all his life

Behind that firm masculine physique lies a soft heart, which, when discovers the true essence of love, beats only for the princess he fancies.

Behind that firm square jaw line, there’s a father who deeply cares for his little angels.

So we’re done here. I guess most of you would agree to me in this and the rest would be girls. But deep down, even they know its right. Though I don’t guarantee the success of the 3 answers I have given with every question because they need to be delivered with a perfect expression and timing with optimum confidence. (Hence, most people fail!)

In the end I would like to do two things, apologise to the girls who unnecessarily and without reason felt offended 😛
And thank my co-author Akanksha for providing me a better insight over the topic (Trust me, I had some before too 😛 )

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Hello all… oh yeah, I am back with a little more crappy stuff…

“I’ve been really busy lately, all the time, couldn’t even get time to have lunch properly…
You see first I have to update my morning status on Facebook, then the daily wall photo that I upload.. And yesterday, the projector caught fire in the class while our teacher was telling us something, so I had to update that too… What a hectic schedule right!!!”
That wasn’t me, that was any normal guy you’ll see today… harsh but true, our youth is really influenced by this social networking these days.

Long time ago I heard that joke where the priest asks the bride is she’s friends on Facebook with the groom and then declares them man and wife and says “now you may poke the bride… And hey, tag me in the pictures”. That time I laughed because it was funny, now I laugh coz I guess soon it will be true. And so will be the joke where the father tells his son the love story of him and his wife, and starts with “it all started with a poke”

A few years back, it was Orkut and MySpace and kids thought they were trendy… but then a guy who btw was pissed off with his girlfriend got drunk and made this social disaster err.. revolution..!
If we look at the stats, Facebook has around 800 million (i.e. 80 crore) users and on an average, every user has 130 friends (I wonder if average people in real life even know that many)
talking about the not-so-micro blogging site, Twitter, it is accessed by a 360 million people and an average of 55 million tweets are sent every day.
We all believe Eminem is the best rapper and some even like Justin beiber (I said some!!), why is it? Well a simple reason given by a person who hasn’t listened to both is, both have around 40 million fans on Facebook!!!

I remember when a friend of mine said this, “Initially it was a way to find your old friends, then it became a way to remain in touch with your current friends, now it’s becoming a way to improve your business, love life, friendship etc etc, and soon it will become a way to live life.”

Seeing the trends, I don’t see that time far when we’ll see diseases like ASDOUF (A Syndrome Due to Over Use of Facebook) and ATS (Acute Twitter Syndrome) would be a bigger problem than AIDS.

It’s not that I don’t like those websites, infact these websites are now the biggest way to spread viral messages for constructive use… but now I think about those two things once some big people said

“Social networking sites do keep people updated, but I would have liked it better if DoorDarshan did that job”

And

“if we make an event on Facebook to kill kasab publically, will he kill himself or will it bother the govt.?”

Frankly, the first one is right and the answer to second one is NO!!! When the govt. isn’t bothered by famous spokespersons and newspaper articles, what is Facebook gonna do to them.
Here is why I think Social Networking is spreading speedily
These days every company has their Facebook/myspace page and a twitter profile to keep the fans updated… many companies check the Facebook and linkedIn profile of a person before recruiting him/her as an employee… having an email id is just as necessary as getting a small pox vaccine when you’re born… success of a venture highly depends on your page popularity… even in general youth, the person who gets the most likes on his status and profile picture is considered famous. From books to hooks, from brands to friends, you can buy anything to everything on Facebook!

Now that google Plus is here, people who felt like real dudes while playing call of duty, remember their old days as they play Mario and angry birds!!
So if these things have a positive effect on people and economy, there are other effects as well… for example, every child now wishes to be thirteen plus coz then he/she will have a legal fb profile. Kids from 10th class feel proud when their status “maths sucks” is liked by 10 people (who might be in 9th as well.)… there were days when true relationships and friendships used to exist, but now people confuse them with Facebook comments…  while people who spend 10 hours daily on fb think they are lucky (while they actually the most lonely ones), Deactivating the FB profile means a blunder has happened in your life!!

Social NetworkingI just happened to remember this joke with which I would like to end this one, girl says to guy, “I love you” and guy starts running… when asked why, he says “I need to update my relationship status on Facebook” !

So it’s upto you, social networking is just like salt, important and tastes good when limited… overuse is harmful!

Hi.. you must be wondering why I compared crap to Ra.One when we all know which is worse… and why I wrote metallica and the other two words in the same line… Reason is simple, I am a regular guy, or in this case, a not-so-regular guy who hasn’t seen both.

A few weeks back, when I was cleaning my home for the much awaited Diwali, I came to know that India is going to host F1 racing and there will be a Metallica concert as well, pardon my poor GK, I was too busy doing nothing maybe! So all I could say was “ok” and I went back to my work. Not that I am not a fan of rock, in fact I love listening to zepplin but metallica I wasn’t really fond of. So weren’t my friends, but suddenly liking metallica became a trend. It was just like that “Hate Justin beiber” wave that spread once.

As I said, I am a regular guy, I have around 400 Facebook friends which is a symbol of a good profile according to people, so I could see the trend there too. It wasn’t even over when shahrukh khan started promoting his movie in which he was playing a superhero. I wasn’t really interested in watching another movie with a superhero in it, but the promos aroused my curiosity and I thought, “Let’s give it a try” but before I could think of buying the tickets the first day first show of the movie happened (luckily I didn’t get it’s tickets) and all I could hear from my friends was “the movie is crap!” call it Facebook effect but my friends who won’t even agree to the fact that light travels the fastest, agreed to the point that Ra.One sucks. I wanted to see the movie but going for it now would spoil my image in my friends. All I can see on the internet is the bad reviews of the movie.

When you see Facebook, “ABC and 33 other friends posted about Diwali” such posts are common… so is that what we want? To be a part of those 33 other people? When the metallica concert got cancelled, everyone is dissing the media and rest are cursing the public. Some blog posts are getting popular and some quotes are spreading like viral. But the fact is, not more than 30% percent of the people have actually listened to many metallica tracks and rest are just being a part of the mob. I still have sympathy with the true rock fans who missed that. I still have sympathy with people who wanted to celebrate Diwali with Ra.One and got something else. But what I see there is less genuineness and more imitation.

As I always say “by imitating people we only take humanity back to where we evolved from” so it’s time to do something new, something different and something good (and hopefully one thing that combines all three)

Let’s just end this nonsense with one thing.. what you read was neither my anger nor my frustration… it wasn’t something to laugh at, neither did I want to make you cry. What I wished was to convey a simple message, the virtual life is deceptive, being updated is different and following the trend is different. So forget metallica and Ra.one (unless you wasted your money in it 😛 ) and choose something which people aren’t talking much about (let’s say my blog).. Who knows If you set your own trend! 😀



Hi all. Yes Yes.. I know you all have been waiting for me to give you the pearls of my knowledge on this topic. Believe me, I was more desperate than you to do the same, it’s just that I had so much to write about our government, I didn’t get time for it. But now our govt. has asked me to stop doing it (now I am also a proud owner of a Swiss bank account!) So let’s continue with your guide to dating.

A lot of people ask me, what exactly a date means. What do we do when we go on a first date, and what should be the exact steps to follow. So I have made this simple step by step guide for people going on a date first time (And basically last time if u actually think of following this)
Remember, this is going to be long, but you’ll not be bored 😛

1.)    Getting a date

Don’t be desperate and frustrated, unless you’re an engineer!
First things first, who are you? A guy? Or a girl? If you’re a guy, be bold, confident, forward, fit, elegant, nicely dressed and supremely talented and then you might get a date. If you’re a girl, congrats… you don’t need anything, let’s go to step two.

2.)    Once you’ve asked her out/ have been asked out by him
What!! You’re a girl and you asked him out!! You’re lame and he’s gay… get out!
Now the other 99.983 % people who are still here, once you’re good to go, decide a place to meet.

Where you can go– Café/ bar/ lounge/ restaurant/Parks and well.. the weird library near my house (I always see couples going in there!)

Where you can’t go – Her house/ his house / your uncle’s house/anyone’s house and don’t even dare going around some place where shiv sena people have been spotted earlier… they are a pain in the ass (I mean literally!!!)

3.)    What to wear

It’s a painful task to decide what to wear. You should not wear something which never reflects your personality because that would be lame. Guys can wear simple shirts and trousers or full sleeve shirts tucked in jeans. For a difference, try wearing goggles that salman used in dabbang and the overalls barney Stinson once wore!

Girls can wear anything, guys never really concentrate unless you show off something other than your fingernails.

4.)    Once u’re in!
Now that you two are together, it’s a point where you need to know more about the person. You know to see if you can date him/her in future as well. But First, order something you moron, it’s not a personal interview.
Once you’ve ordered,
Guys, start with basics… for example, “Hey do you know who wrote Julius Caesar?” if she answers that, leave it, she’s too smart for you, finish your cappuccino and get the hell outta there.
Girls, you can ask anything related to your friends, like “Hey, have you heard what jyoti did yesterday”… if he answers that correctly, whoa, u got a girl in a guy mask sitting there with you, get rid fast!

5.)    Building the conversation.

Now that you know what to talk
Guys, ask something different and common, like “u remember our national bird” and give a little pause… If she senses that you’re stuck and says pigeon or parrot, kudos! U got a bimbo sitting around! Remember, she won’t even know anything about VAT and service tax, a little skill and u can get her to pay the bill. (Did u notice that rhymed!)
Girls, you can show him four fingers and ask him how many, if he answers anything other than four, either he’s crazy or you’re crazy!
Next up, if he/she has passed all these tests,

What to talk about — friends, movies , Relationships, songs, football and my blog
What not to talk about – girlfriends, Tamil movies, your own relationships, Justin Beiber songs, chelsea and well, this article on my blog!

Now if you’ve read The Facebook dude, you must know this, if she says she loves ET, Star track or any other space movie,
MARRY HER!!!!! And if she knows any footballer other than Messi and Ronaldo, Propose her right away!!!
Also, if the girl says she likes rock music, first check that if she is actually a girl or not, once you’re sure, MARRY HER!!!!!

6.)    I am finished with things I ordered, what next!
Simple, ask for the bill and a breezer (if u’re in a bar). Now when the bill comes,
Guys, Just give her a little look, so that she can insist on paying the bill… she asks for two times, then let her pay, you’re a moron if you’re still paying! And yes, save the breezer.
Girls, remember he’s a guy and he’s supposed to pay. But also remember, since I am famous, he has read the above line and will look at you, so beware of that killing look which is gonna get u to spend 4-500 bucks unnecessarily.

7.)    Gift!!
This one is basically for guys, as girls aren’t supposed to gift anything on first dates (Only if I knew that on mine!!)
What you can do is to buy something that she likes, wait, she is a girl, she’ll like everything expensive… so are you ready for that? Don’t answer, I know you’re not.
But remember that little baby hugging a small girl on a ship, yes the same showpiece your mom got as a gift on her 42nd b’day, that’s not laying eggs at your home, the only reason it was manufactured was that you could give it to someone else. Carry on the tradition!

8.)    Bill paid, talked.. now what!

Now this is the tricky part, at this point, guys need to take deep breaths, in order to make sure that the date actually went this far even when you’re a filthy loser who follows a blog guide to dating!
And girls, well what can I say, if girls can get 43 likes and 123 comments on their “good morning” status so they can do anything!
Now it’s time for the last talks and to give a finishing touch to your date.

So you liked her? Tell her, it was nice, will love to do it again.
And if you didn’t, just praise the weather, tell her how much you like the smile of her roommate and you’re done.

Girls, if u liked him.. Wait!!! You liked him? Really? You have many options, India only has 900 girls on every thousand boys, and the rest hundred would do anything for you! Think again!
If u didn’t, boy!!! This is gonna be tough, getting rid of a guy who spent around 1000 bucks on you while he could have bought a brand new FIFA cd!!! All the best!

You know last time that happened to me, I snatched the girl’s purse and ran away!

9.)    Getting back
Guys, Remember the breezer you ordered, time to enjoy that while you sit on a lonely chair in your room in front of your computer as you watch some b-grade movie! C’mon You just enjoyed a date that couldn’t go worse!
And yes, Girls, you don’t have to think much, just reply a smiley to the guy who messaged you the other day, you have another free outing ready for tomorrow, and be careful, don’t send a heart or you might just kill a poor soul.

If you’ve successfully (rather unsuccessfully) followed these 9 steps, contact me, I really want to see that sign of frustration on your face!  And remember, going on a date these days is more important than having a 9 page resume.

So the next time you go on a date, even if you don’t follow the 9 points, follow this opposite of the one thing which people always say, “Just Don’t be yourself!”  Coz once you are being yourself, you won’t need the 9 points to spoil your date. 😉

PS: a few puns were inspired from a famous comic duo i know, so thank you link 😛

According to the latest news leaks by our very own Leaky-pedia, it is positively a confirm information that our country’s home minister, Dr. P Chidambaram will now be assisting the indian judiciary on how to “close matters” quickly. The decision was reportedly taken by the IPC after seeing the efficient and prompt decision making skills of the honorary minister in different matters recently. The judiciary seemed to be specifically impressed by his statement in the legendary press conference about the 2G scam, which included Pranab mukharjee too where P Chidambaram had stepped forward to say that the 2G scam was now a closed matter.

According to the respected judge S.H. Kapadia , “This decision was pending long way, we always wanted someone good enough to be with us and take responsibility of the weird decisions we’ve been taking. Now that Chidambaram is assisting us, I don’t think there’s gonna be any delay, seeing his present statements, I can say we’ll now always have the option of “Closing” the matter if decision can’t be taken!”

According to one other official in the Supreme Court, Shree Altamas Kabir, “Chidambaram fulfils all the requirements we had. He’s a master of law from the Cambridge university, he has direct contact with the real man of India, Sonia ji… and he has the ability to prove that the matters are closed.” “Take afzal guru’s matter for instance, we took so much time deciding what to do with the guy, and when we transferred the case to home ministry, what they decide is not to decide anything. The matter was so small according to them that they considered it closed.  Also, due to my personal contacts with Chidambaram, I know he wanted the Jessica Lal case to be closed too as the supreme court was too big to give a decision on such a small matter.”

According to our sources, Digvijay singh was seen partying at his house… when caught by us he agreed that he was happy with Chidambaram sir Ji to be assisting the judiciary. He said that terrorism in India has decreased in past years. Previously 100s were killed in a single blast and these days 10-20 are killed and frequency is doubled, so we do have a less number of deaths. This simple concept wasn’t getting into judiciary’s underdeveloped minds and Chidambaram bhaiya is the best person to “Close” the matter. He can always tell them that terrorism is out of question when we have bigger issues like Soniya madam’s cancer.

Noted jurist K K Venugopal said that this was surprising, but this decision will have some deep impacts. Now we can seek help from home ministry over matters like Maoists and the so called Terror attacks in Assam. As these matters are regionally restricted, I guess Chidambaram might consider them closed as well.

Finally when we got talking to our very own Dr. P Chidambaram himself, we came to know some very interesting points. According to him it was pretty clear that judiciary had to seek his help someday. There was a pretty slow speed of solving cases which actually weren’t “That important” and were being overrated. He said that next elections aren’t very far and we want to set an example as well as want to prove our quality in front of the public. We will still deal with bigger issues patiently, but frankly, I don’t see any.
Also that now he will be having powers to interfere, he will take personal classes of Indian judges on “How to Close matters” and will be getting ready himself for the next elections. Their main aim is to make a country free of malice and malevolence and if people don’t have cases to discuss upon, we’re pretty much done.

After all this drama, we just hope that the govt. might as well give the education department to Digvijay Singh who will even say that IITs and NITs are useless (After the great decision of scraping JEE by another minister). But even then, giving judicial powers to home ministry seems a revolutionary step. Who knows one day we’ll see the case of Rahul Gandhi’s cold and Soniya madam’s lost necklace being solved by the supreme court.

Hello all… yes I am back, from nowhere… I was hiding here only to catch some big news and review or fake it in my style… but damn this government knows me well!!! They decided not to give me anything new and did their usual things, i.e, increased petrol prices and kapil sibbal blabbered a little more about some other non-sense! So I thought let’s find something new and refreshing… and see what I stumbled upon! I got the list of the 11 participants trying their luck this year in BIG BOSS Season 5!! Hosted by two of our industry’s Macho-Men Sal-man and Sanjay!!  Though I still don’t have the names of remaining two… (You do know there are 13 contestants right? )

Ok so hold your breath, I have a complete detail of the participant including the views of everyone on his/her participation… remember… it’s a secret so feel free to tell anyone, it’s my blog after all!!

Bigg Boss

So the first participant who will be on his way to big boss is our very own Rahul Gandhi!
According to the producers “He’ll be attracting youth towards our program and won’t face a problem while having lunch with anyone, he has his experience in that area”
According to Rahul “the only problem I might face is regarding changing my diapers because mummy would not be there… I’ll try… <started crying>”
I Think  “He played very good against England, or wait… was that Rahul Dravid?”

Moving on to the next, we have a person from our very own cricket team Mahendra Singh Dhoni!
Producers Think “He has the abilities of leadership and knows how to handle defeat, well.. a little too much now”
According to dhoni “it will be nice to be locked In a home for 3-4 months… I couldn’t get a better place to hide since our return from England”
I Think “hey is he the same person who had an affair with deepika padukone??”

After Dhoni they needed someone from the fashion industry… so there goes the name.. Poooonammm pandeyyyy!
Producers Think “She is famous, people hate her so we love her”
According to poonam “I’ll strip publically if I win the show”
I think “plz hurry this time!!!”

That was gross!! Anyway, moving on to our fourth contestant, we got a very famous spokesperson here… hold your breath ladies and gentlemen… Digvijay Singh!
Producers Think “After rakhi sawant in season 1 and dolly bindra in season 4 we could not get a better bakbak machine than Mr. Digvijay Singh”
According to Digvijay “I really like this gesture, I am against lokpal, I love soniya ji, I like saying 200 words per minute, I think terrorist attacks cannot be controlled…. <And he fainted after we made him smell chloroform>
I Think  “With him being in big boss, I wonder if salman will get a chance to speak!!”

Now it’s time to welcome our contestant number 5… he likes saying this “I am neal, I am the man, RockStar… SuperStar!!!” Not to mention he likes lying as well… I know you’re having a hard time recoginising him… that’s Uday Chopra my dear fellas..!
Producers Think “His father promised us to finance the whole show if we take him”
According to Uday “…” (he was too happy to say anything)
I Think  “what can I say! I loved his dhoom movies… he was better than abhishek atleast!!”

When I talk about contestant number 6, I want all of you to look around and make sure no one’s there coz you might get kissed… YES ladies and lay’Das’, I am talking about Emran Hashmi!
Producers Think “A tinge of adult content is the theme of our show..”
According to emran “ummmmuahhhhh…” (our reporter went missing after that)
I Think  “I wonder after emran enters the show, the announcements will be like ‘Big Boss chahte hai k emran unhe chhod k kisi ladki ko pakde’!”

Now moving towards the contestant number 7… here we have the Bollywood industry icon KARAN JOHAR !
Producers Think <Serious> “We always have a gay contestant”
According to Karan <Ecstatic> “They always have a gay contestant”
I Think  <Sigh!> “They always have a gay contestant”

As the rules clearly state, they have a contestant very low profile and less known to public… As contestant number 8 this time Dr. Manmohan Singh is chosen for the job.
Producers Think “Soniya ji gave him permission to leave the PM’s chair for 4 months and he fits our guidelines for remaining quite all the time”
According to Manmohan “When I came to know Rahul baba is taking part I thought ‘Who will change his diapers now!’ so I needed to go there <then he kept quiet for an hour>”
I Think  “…” <I was too busy admiring Manmohan ji’s adorable words, seldom we hear them>

Now with have come to the point we need to disclose the name of our most awaited contestant… yess… none other than KRK…
what!! you don’t know him… go rot in hell! Kamal R Khan is the biggest superstar of the century… was a part of Big Boss 3 too…
He didn’t let me or the producers speak…
According to KRK “KRK itna chhota star nahi hai k ek season se man jaye… I’ll come again and again”

Time for our 10th contestant… without further ado I present.. Baba Ramdev !!
Producers Think “Yoga, politics, singing, lap dancing, winking, stand up comedy, kapalbhati! He is a complete package”
According to Baba “Karne se hoga! Mai big boss se nahi darta… use bhi pranayama karwaunga” <He winked twice at our interviewer>
I think ”
And now last but not the least… as I don’t have the names of next two, I present to you, contestant number 11… Anu Malik!!
Producers Think “He made our theme song for free.. though we realized that it was stolen from a mediocre Hollywood movie after paying him”
According to Anu “Mai apne andaz me kahna chahunga… Barish hui chham chham… India me fat gaya bam… aur big boss me aa gaye hum!” <the interviewer was admitted to icu immediately>
I Think  “I needed a reason not to watch the show!”

I am done with my 11… I would love it if u suggest me the names of the rest two in the same way I did..

Back to reality…
So this is it… the 13 losers coming to Big Boss and make a show with all the bad traits one of the biggest hits of country… Yeah that’s a fact…  a show that we all criticize and a show, we all know is for losers… a place where the so called “Celebrities” live together just to bitch about each other ,fall in controversies, show obscene content and to fight like weirdos and tell the world what kind of crap we can serve to our viewers and still, it’s one of the biggest TRP gainers of our country… I just tried telling how lame and malignant such shows are and we need to change such things… and on the same time the people I suggested are nothing but a question mark on the deferential position of our country in the world… With my previous articles like Sansani not so funny  and Indian Democrazzy I  have tried to convey the same thing… this time I tried to widen the scope…
hope u liked it..

If not, even then suggest me two names for this season of big boss the same way I did for the 11… let’s see what you got 😉

And thus it all ends!

 

 

Hello again friends..
Still can’t believe i got such an amazing response on Preeto Part Two, thanks for that 🙂
Maximum likes till date on my blog posts and still counting.. so with this post i bring an end to the Preeto Trilogy and well.. my pathetic hindi kavitas 😛
If you’re new/lost, plz read Preeto part one and Preeto Part Two before you proceed..
and when you’re done, tell me if u liked it.. i know some pretty good psychiatrists 🙂
and yes.. this one is not that funny (actually not at all funny), i just had to put an end to it.. and thanks again.. my blog visiter counter hit 1000 yesterday 🙂

Go..

Kahani hai ye us din ki jab shuru hui meri barbadi..
Hu mai wo badnaseeb jis se hui thi Preeto ki shadi..
Khush aise hua tha jaise mil gaya mujhe mera pyar..
Aise laga tha jaise lakhon khushiyan ghar aai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Dekhta tha use roz use ghar se nikalte..
Kai bar aankh mari use maine chalte chalte..
Lagta tha jaise marti thi wo mujhpe..
Uske bap se fir kah k maine shadi ki bat chalai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Chakkar tha kisi lalluchand k sath uska..
Wo bechara isi k gham me is duniya se khiska..
Mujhe kya pata tha kya chakkar hai is kahani k peechhe..
Tab bhi na samjha jab iske khunkhar bap ne kara di iski sagai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Mujhe laga waqt hai kharab par karte hai hum pyar..
Bhag jate hai sath chhod k dukan aur ghar bar..
Lagta tha basayenge kahin aur apna aashiyana..
Isi chudail chakkar me kar li ikatthi apni sari kamai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Bhag gaye jo ghar se, socha karenge koi kam..
Dhoond nhi payega bap hume iska, janta kaun hai humara nam..
Mujhe nahi pata tha karti thi bap ko call wo roz..
Maine to khareeda ghar aur FD bhi iske nam karayi..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai…

Khushi khushi nikal rhe the din kat rahi thi raten..
Karta tha kam mai usse sawal, puchi nhi purani koi baten..
Lagta tha niklegi aise hi zindagi..
Kya pata tha man me us dayan ne koi aur hi chal chalai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Pahucha jab bal katke apne ghar ek din..
Soona sa laga ghar mujhe us preeto k bin..
Gaur se dekha to saaf ho gya tha sab kuch..
Kyu ki thi usne mujh se shadi ab bat meri samajh aayi..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Paise to door chhodi nahi usne ek thali..
Kar gayi wo bandit queen mera poora ghar khali..
Socha karu police me report aur bhagu apne shahar..
Par us kameeni ne meri FD bhi bank se tudwai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Pahucha jaise taise m apne shahar mila uske bap ko..
Dekhke mujhe bola wo kameena, pahchana nahi mai aapko..
Maine lagaya thappad aur diya ek ghoosa..
Bola sale dekh gaur se mai hu tera jawai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Barbad kiya kitno ko tumne jaise ho ye koi khel..
Le kar aaya hu m police, karwaunga sab ko jail..
Wo to mil gaya ab dhundna tha us preeto ko..
Lagaya inaam 50000 ka tabhi wo preeto hath aayi..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Sab pahuche andar ab ho gaya tha insaaf..
Par meri tarah us preeto ne kiye the kitno k ghar saf..
Kholi maine dukan apni fir se par man me tha dard kahin..
Ab to dekh k mujhe hansta h wo pados ka sand halwai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..

Mile ab koi bhi par preeto thi kuch khas..
Par us lalluchand ki tarah mera bhi ab pyar se uth gaya vishwas..
Pata h mujhe kavita ho gayi boring par thi ye dukhbhari kahani..
Us preeto k chakkar me barbad ho gayi meri jawani..
Fir bhi karta hu khatam ise yahin, maf karna jo aapne comedy ki aas lagai..
Par han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..
Han mai hi hun wo badnaseeb nai..!!!

thanks for reading.. your appreciation to preeto part one and two was phenomenal, plz cope up with part three 😛
Cheers!

Hello again..
Last time I promised that was gonna be my first and only hindi kavita.. but people gave such an amazing response and made preeto the next famous thing after sheila and munni! so i thought, why not come up with preeto part two — kahani lalluchand ki!
this is not as good as last one (coz wo natural thi and ye forced hai) but still, i have tried to remain as senseless as i can..
This time again i have tried to maintain same rhyme scheme..

read and don’t have fun, and if u do.. go see a psychiatrist 🙂

pichhli bar suni thi kahani tumne preeto k bap se..
jhooth bolne wale us aastin k sanp se..
is bar apni aapbeeti sunane mai hu aaya..
k meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

bat thi college ki jab m karta tha bunk..
wo aati thi paidal to mere pas kaunsi thi koi hunk..
college ka har dusra ladka tha use ghumata..
kya hua jo ek din mai bhi ghuma laya..
par meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

kabhi le gaya use yahan, kabhi le gaya use wahan..
kamini kitna kharcha karati thi, jati thi jane kahan kahan..
bapu ki shirt se paise churata tha mai to kabhi padosi ko choona lagata tha mai..
kai bar to 500 rupaiyye ka sirf pizza akele us bhooki ne khaya..
fir bhi meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

jab bhi milta tha usse, lagta tha jaise mil gaye do dil..
par use nhi thi fursat, kabhi chalo bandra to kabhi antop hill..
uske liye khareedni padi thi gadi nayi..
use kya pata udhar us chudail k liye kahan kahan se mangwaya..
tab bhi meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

mil mil k us se badal gayi mere haal..
par ye sab to thi uske lutere gharwalo ki koi chaal..
bap tha uska chor, bhai bhi rhte the jail me…
ye sab mai waqt pe nahi pata karwaya..
meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

gaya mai uske ghar bat karne apni shadi ki..
kar aaya bat anjaane me apni barbadi ki..
bap ne rakh di mang 1 lakh ki, bola shadi hogi jab paisa milega..
mai bhi josh me paise dene ka vada kar aaya..
kya kahu mai apni preeto ko nahi pata paya..!!

sharmate hue dekha usne mujhe, maine bat kari uske bhai se..
kya tha mujhe pata k chakkar chala h uska pados k nai se..
laga tha mai to paiso ka intazam karne me..
manga dosto se paisa, bap ki tijori tak kari safaya..
us dayan preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

bhag gayi wo ghar se, bap uska mere samne roya..
laga mujhe jaise galti nahi h uski, sambhala maine use, kameena mere hi ghar pe soya..
laga jaise kismat me likha tha yahi..
par fir mere hi bap ne mujhe pitwaya..
aur meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya..!!

bacha nahi zyada kuch kahne ko, yahi thi meri kahani..
us ek bholi si ladki ne yad dila di mujhe nani..
vishwas uth gaya hai lalluchand ka ab pyar se..
pyar kar k mai bahut pachtaya..
meri preeto ko mai nahi pata paya!!
meri preeto ko mai nhi pata paya!!!!

I am an Indian. All Indians are my brothers and sisters. I love my country.

I think this pledge should be modified now. We need to insert a line in it saying “I will always watch Bollywood movies with full energy and excitement regardless of its story and script, and I will try to make it a hit.” Because otherwise I don’t see a point in releasing Bollywood movies in India these days. When we know that every single citizen of India likes to watch Hollywood movies and though most of them watch them because they like them, there are also people who watch them just because they aren’t Bollywood movies. It’s like a class for them and an issue of standard. If you read my previous article “are you a Facebook dude” , you will easily detect such kind of people among masses.

Ok one thing quick, if you think in this article you’ll see jokes like “what if dharam paji was in titanic” or “what if rajinikanth was the hero of terminator” plz stop. This article is even worse.

So I was thinking about all this and then I thought (yes, sometimes thoughts come to my mind too) that what can the Bollywood guys do to make their movies as good as those from Hollywood. One idea would be to spend more, act better, use better technology, employ more people, get a better script, a better cinematography and blah blah blah… which we all know isn’t happening.

So here’s another idea (we Indians are so good at jugad aren’t we). Why not we make a hindi remake of the Hollywood movies. Just think about it. No story required, no different script needed, all the heroines dying to do vulgar scenes get a treat, all the actors like emran hashmi would start working for free, audience will enjoy and I hear the censor board is also passing movies without watching these days. Since this idea came to my mind, I thought what if we start doing it and how about a few Hollywood movies for starters. Here’s my plan.

We will start from the epic series HARRY POTTER. Since its one of the biggest Hollywood flicks and doesn’t expect any further parts from Hollywood. Here we will name it “Aaj ka Jaadugar”. Lead role can be played by Uday chopra , since he’s a wonder kid and after such a terrible career he is still alive is no less than a magic. Now we have a clear contender for voldermort too, Mika… Who else can live without a nose right!!

Another movie that strikes my mind is Mission impossible. As the 4th part is in the pipeline and people are pretty excited to watch it, we’ll release our MI just after that one and in a much bigger avatar. Our MI will have Abhishek bachchan as a hero and the selling point of the movie is that it’s based on a real life story, abhishek bachchan surviving in Bollywood was obviously a mission impossible and he did it (we even gave him a reward called Aishwarya). The best thing about the movie is that eminent personalities like salman and vivek would be the negative leads!

What’s fun is the next movie, SPIDER MAN… as the 4th part is being released without the well-known spider man, we have a good scope for the movie in India.  For the role of spider man we have the evergreen Jeetendra. He can sure jump from place to place. The role of his girlfriend can be given to Neha dhupia coz she also has no value in the industry and is available all the time(that’s what spidey’s girlfriend does right?)

We in Bollywood have a big advantage, RAJINIKANTH, so if anyone can’t play a role in any movie, we will ask him to do it.

Enough about movie series, let’s talk about some single part hits.

Like 300.That movie can easily be made in Bollywood with the name  “ ANNA – A biography” I think he had even less than 300 supporters initially when he started the movement.

The movie “Silence of the lambs” will feature our PM Manmohan Singh for obvious reasons.

“The losers” in Bollywood will have 11 heroes… (You guessed it right, me talking about our cricket team)

“dirty rotten scoundrels” in India would be featuring Kalmadi, Raja and Kasab. There will be a guest appearance by Digvijay singh too.

We can’t have a better suited person for the lead role in “Father of the bride” than Prakash padukone (Deepika padukon’s father if u don’t remember the name) coz he has the most desperate daughter in the whole universe.

“The babysitter” will have Simi garewal  as the lead as she’s doing sort of a same job In her latest show.

After all these big movies coming Bollywood way, I think there’s a great scope for even bigger hits in future. People like Steven Spielberg have already showed their interest in Bollywood movie titles (Avatar is a hindi word right??)  and if we have such flicks in our hand, the time isn’t far when we’ll see people paying money to watch Bollywood movie dvds(which is a rare scene these days).