Archive for January, 2012

It was the republic day parade, trying to show my knowledge, I said “You know we celebrate 26th jan because that is the day our constitution came into effect!”

“What is a constitution?” He asked.

“It’s sort of document, defining all our laws and regulations and other things” I tried making it as easy as i could.

He: “So is it like we have to follow rules to live?”

Me: “Yes, not like someone is dictating on us but still you live in a society and you have to care for everyone’s freedom right?”

He: “Oh.. So, about this constitution, Who checks if we’re following it or not?”

Me: “The government. We have different people to look towards different matters”

He: “So are we allowed by the constitution to give unfair advantages to people, take bribe and do corruption?”

Me: “No, and ideally government is supposed to take care of it. It’s hard for you to understand these things”

He: “I know I don’t know much, but then am I not supposed to know this?”

Me: “no, you are supposed to know that our constitution is the biggest in the world and we should be proud to be living in a country which is democratic and we have freedom of speech here” (i was hoping he doesn’t ask me the meaning of democracy)

He: “so we are allowed to say anything? Is that the reason why we see everyone abusing each other in parliaments?”

Me: “no, that’s something they shouldn’t do, similar is with bribe and corruption, it is not right. But look at other good things, don’t you read newspaper?”

He: “I do. So other right things mean? Are we talking about kasab being protected? I don’t know what he did and why people want him to be dead, but i think the constitution is protecting him.”

Me: “again, you’re looking the dark side. What about the education you get, the facilities we have, the things we see”

He: “yeah, you’re right. But yesterday you only were saying reservation sucks. And that india has the biggest requirement of new roads and infrastructure”

first I cursed myself for saying that, then i vehemently proceeded “there are pros and cons about everything, but we must be proud of our country and the constitution”

He: “We are.. But shouldn’t we be proud of our government and politics too?”

And hence, the 15-year-old sunny made me speechless.

happy republic day

happy republic day

Yes, he is going to decide india’s government in 3 years by vote, but what about us? We are doing it now. And i see we haven’t done a very good job.

Time to think and act. All the best.

PS: Happy Republic Day

 

Before opening this treat of miseries and frustration to you, I would like to thank my friend Ashish Baberwal for the wonderful idea. Also, he wanted me to mention his name on the blog. 😛

Moving on, “Things we all observed, and I said” is the tagline of my blog (In case u didn’t know) so this time I thought of coming up with a straight away observation, “The impact of Facebook in our lives”.
I know I know, cliché, people have said a lot, why should I read this… etc. etc. etc…  So here’s something that my dear friend added to it, what if this impact existed at the time of our freedom struggle. Now the whole thing just followed this weird idea.

Starting with the 1857 struggle, remember the names like Mangal pandey and Rani Laxmibai? Before going to tear off that non vegetarian bullet, Mangal Pandey might have had created a poll on Facebook, “About to chew the cover of bullet. What do you think? is it cow meat?” (Man the people saying No would have been screwed!!)

Moving on, imagine Karamchand gandhi’s status on facebook on 2nd October 1869, “Blessed with a baby boy. I and putlibai are sooooo happpyyyyyy” with Motilal Nehru, Nelson mandela and 22 others like this beneath it. I am pretty sure 100 years later even the FB directors would have reshared this status on their timelines!

And then the freedom struggle would have continued… M.K Gandhi keeps updating his profile with things like “Law from England” and “Doing Satyagraha in South Africa”.
And then a Facebook fan page named “Indian National Congress” would have been formed in 1885 joined in by thousands of likes later on followed by another page called the Muslim League! And it’s founder also making a group called “We Hate INC

I believe Bhagat singh’s family was quite poor so expecting them to use internet isn’t very likely (As if the rest of the things are!) but one news about him would have been closely noticed by the britishers, “Chandrashekhar azad and Bhagat singh are now friends

Just like these days, viral posts would have been there. Whenever female freedom strugglers update anything, they would have got far more likes than any other male struggler. People like Saunders and Simon would have created Javascript spams instead of lathicharges.
And the slogan “Simon Go Back” would actually have been an FB page liked by tons of people in a single day and “Inquilab zindabad” would be creating a wave even bigger than the kolaveri song.

When Gandhiji started the Dandi march, his status would have been “Going to make salt, see ya” and then the like counter would have slowly increased from 1 to 1000 in a few hours with him checking in at different places now and then, and then the last status “We broke the salt law” containing a 100 “Yippeee, congrats 😀 ” comments below.

 gandhi ji on facebook

And the best part, The Non Co-Operation movement would actually be an FB event where people would have boycotted British fan pages and stopped liking any of the status updates by the governor general. And when some revolutionary might have made an abusive comment on FB, Gandhiji would have called off the movement with a 1000 people disliking the activity.

I am pretty sure then there would have been a fourth monkey with his hands on the keyboard.
Our first Prime Minister Jawahar Lal Nehru’s autobiography would actually have been a Facebook note.
And instead of putting someone in jail, suspending his FB profile for a week would have been enough of a penalty!
The profile pic of B.R Ambedkar showing his index finger would have been the most liked one on FB that time. 
Charkha would have been the cover pic of many.

Pretty imaginable, our PM would have updated a status “We are FREEEEEE!!!!!” at the midnight and the status would have had a 1000 shares and lakhs of likes!

Here we come to an end. While writing this, I thought this might be even funnier with some graphics and international events, but thanks to my super poor Photoshop skills and a busy schedule in doing nothing, I can’t provide that. But here is something, check out this, you’re gonna laugh out loud for sure.

http://coolmaterial.com/roundup/if-historical-events-had-facebook-statuses-part-2/

http://open.salon.com/blog/tom_falco/2010/08/29/if_facebook_existed_throughout_history_1

PS: I didn’t intend to make fun of our freedom struggle or anyone associated with it. It was just a funny imagination. So if you’re a geeky historian who is going to yell at me for mocking one of the most glorious parts of Indian history, don’t, believe me, I’ve even mocked Rajinikanth here. 😛

After a long time, another Co-Authored post. Yes people, the bug is back, with one of my most regular readers, Gargi Trehan as my co-author this time. Have a look at the awesome journey she’s had bearing and I’ve had listening about “Tharkis”!

“Hey wassup? I know that you’re tired of people saying, “hiii there, you are cute, you are pretty, i like your smile, i like your eyes and stuff”…. and i can imagine how irritating it can be when someone out of nowhere jumps up and says “DO you wanna be my friend, or can i be your friend” and you feel like, DO i know you. Hence i would definitely not do the same, neither would i ask you to be my friend. All i shall say is why don’t we start a conversation and let friendship develop on it’s on? Ciao!”

So that’s how they talk! Yes, I am talking about the underrated, poor souls commonly known as “Tharkis”(ठरकी) and the word is also called “Lampat” (लम्पट) and “Despo” or “Desperate”. Yes I wrote it in Hindi because it gives a funny feeling reading that 😛

With my experiences, conversations and meetings with girls, I came to know this very interesting fact, that they constantly face such people in life. No matter how good-looking or how sensible the girl is (Which is rare, no offence), tharki people won’t stop hitting on them.

Now the question is, while every guy, one or the other time hits on some girl, every guy has to propose someone in his life, every person can fall in love, then how to identify the Tharki people in the crowd?
Well feel good because the bug has an answer for you.

Please don’t take the image literally 😛
So here are a few points that we came up with to help you identify a tharki.

  • They are generally of 4 levels.
    Level 1: Sophisticated and shy, but will not leave a chance once he’s frank and spam you with texts. Will hit on you with indirect ways and if by accident you tell him you’re single, one proposal your way. 
    Level 2: Might be ill mannered, talks a lot and will create chances to talk. (They also spam)
    Level 3: good thing, they don’t spam. Bad thing, They call!! They might have any of the qualities mentioned above, but it takes them 3 meetings to start hitting on you officially!
    Level 4: Eve teasing, Desperation, Open statuses, and whatever bigger things you can expect, put it there.
  • Every person can fall in love, but that is actually “Love”. If it’s a feeling of “I should have a girlfriend so let’s propose her”, then it’s a Tharki.
  • Obviously you will someday propose someone, but try that on 3 girls every month, and welcome to the world of Tharkis. (even 3 every year is a sign of the same)
  • Instead of being genuine and loving the girl they know, Tharki people try their luck on every girl. Reason: They need a girl, no choices there!
    Say on Facebook, Tharkis send sort of mugged up love letters in addition to friend request to make it sound good (A letter with which I started was a real one)
  • The Facebook Tharkis have a unique feature,  if accidentally their friend request gets accepted, they will religiously like every status of that gal even if it says “I am gonna die soon” and they will also like every other girl’s comment on the same status.
  • Very rightly said, They follow the tagline “bas naam he kaafi h” In case of hitting like button on gals status.
  • They are hardcore fans of Charlie sheen, though Charlie sheen is a Casanova and not a tharki, deep inside his heart, every tharki thinks of himself as Charlie sheen. Not to forget names like barney Stinson and joey tribbiani follow suit!
  • The best thing about Tharki people is their confidence, I just wish every engineer was this confident while giving his placement interview!
    Statistically proving the confidence, a Tharki, on an average, won’t take more than 3.7 minutes to ask for a girl’s phone number in the first chat!

So I guess there were a lot of things to let you know about them, some quick points to test the person on a “Tharki” scale.

  • Make a fake profile with a girl’s name and send him the friend request. If accepted without question, “Tharki”, moreover, if the DP was of some celeb, “MAHATHARKI”
  •  Ask the guy to close his eyes and take the first name (of a girl) that comes to his mind. A waiting time of more than 10 seconds, “Tharki”. A minute, “MAHATHARKI”
    (because there is a whole slideshow running in his mind, the best thing, none of those girls actually is going to be with him!) 
  •  Chat with him with someone else’s number, use a girl’s name and start getting personal. If he takes interest in return, without asking much about you, “Tharki”
  •  For girls: Give him your phone number, “9876543210”. If he tries calling, “Tharki”, if he knows the trick, he’s been a victim, “MAHATHARKI” and if he realizes it in a while, consider it normal and run other tests.

In the end, here is a Gyan Tip:

Remember, every guy in the world is born with a quality, a factor of attraction towards the opposite gender. Now when he feels it’s scarcity around, a fear of remaining single, a doubt on his qualities, all other friends getting committed, and above all, if he’s an engineer, Chances are that he’ll either become a Tharki or a Writer. (Hence
I finish any chances of you calling me the former).

So that’s it, for now, I hope I could impart you some knowledge and make you find out the differences between a genuine guy, a confused guy, a casanova and a Tharki. Once again I thank my Co-Author Gargi Trehan, a talented writer, an awesome guitarist and an intelligent commerce student. She gave me the real time experiences she had with the Tharki class people, which were instrumental in the post. You might want to read her blog GuitarGuruji as well.

PS: i know you want to ask, “Can’t girls be Tharki?” Obviously they can be, we’ll talk about that later 😉

This post has also been featured in the blog of TheWittyShit.com

Hello Everyone, Here is something as a gift for all of you. A post on the very first day of the new year. Read it and blame yourself for reading it later.

Just like every other year, this one has also gone away into history. But 2011 did make a lot of differences in many lives. We lost some (Jagjit Singh, Shammi Kapoor, Steve Jobs, Dev Anand, Dennis Ritchie), while some arrived into the world (Aishwarya’s daughter and 50 million other kids). We saw big things (Anna’s fast) and some small things (Ra.One’s cast).

But just like every other year, we are left with the same hopes (and the same failed government). Though it’s just a matter of one digit—2011 to 2012—which won’t change anything, but there’s one thing that we can always expect the next year to be better in. NEWS! Seeing the trends 2011 is leaving us with, here is something I think, can become the news of 2012.
Let’s start with the Hero of 2011. Anna Hazare is the obvious choice. If you don’t vote for Poonam Pandey as the Heroine of 2011, she can readily strip for you and your views will change. So now there’s high probability that the hero and heroine will join together in 2012 to do, well, whatever they do! While Anna performs his fasting, PP could strip so that the Anna fans do not get bored!

Seeing the popularity of Sharad Pawar since he was slapped, I think it’s high time, the PM should declare ‘Slapping’ as the National Action. Who knows, we might see the National Slap Day being observed, where politicians volunteer to be slapped and get Facebook promotions in return!

Another super popular thing this year was Kolaveri. Seeing the popularity, some underrated soul might use it for their fame. Don’t tell anyone but our secret sources report that Manmohan Singh is planning to sing the silent version of Kolaveri Di, to be released on his birthday next year.

Abhishek and Aishwarya were blessed with a baby girl this year. And I don’t see either of them having any work these days. So don’t be surprised to see a little Abhishek next year. After all idea 3G can’t help round the year!  😉

The biggest question 2011 is leaving us with is Sachin’s 100th century. And the way he has played, I guess in 2012, he will surely hit a hundred (of nervous nineties)! (No offence to Sachin fans, even I am one)

Bollywood might see some big things next year. Mahesh Bhatt has already signed Sunny Leone for his next movie. Bored by usual ways of promotion, he has decided to do in public, what Sunny will do in a movie. So the public will now get to see Mahesh Bhatt doing the same things he does on TV: shirtless!

"Should I go shirtless?"

"Should I go shirtless?"

The Bharat Ratna will also be another much discussed thing the next year since it is now open to sportspersons. Now that sportsmen can get it, I think Vinod Kambli will be its first recipient in 2012. Oh c’mon, the guy speaks the truth and he has played cricket if you remember! (Tell me you do!)

Next year, we’ll also see the Swayamvar of Veena Malik. Any guesses on who is the unlucky one to be her would-be? Well, The bug has the answer for you. News is that our unmarried former Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee would be going to try his luck, not because he likes her, but he wants Indo-Pak harmony.

Next year we’ll also see some big developments in other sports of India. Since we’ll be seeing the London Olympics, the government is going to buy new hockey sticks for the players and they promise none of them will be broken this time. Reports also say that our athletes might get a new track to practise. (The Government didn’t want the Janpath to be crowded by practising racers!)

As for the last and the best news, the biggest trend of 2012 is going to be the one and only RAJINIKANTH! As he is the one who will save the world on the Doomsday!

Well, we’re done with what is going to be the NEWS of 2012. We all have seen a lot this year, and on a serious note, I wish this year we can see better governance and a few stable policies. Please don’t say you laughed more on this point!

Oh yeah, HAPPY NEW YEAR 🙂

Happy New Year

 

PS: You can also see the post on NTMN.