Archive for May, 2012

Hello people… In case you’re reading the blog not because I forced you to and spammed you with the link, there’s only one other reason (I hope), you think it’s funny.
So I thought, why not introduce you all to a person who is probably the wittiest guy I have ever met. There are many people who can be funny, but to be genuinely humorous and that too with a natural flow is a characteristic feature of Anil Sharma, a friend from Nepal who by the way, was also voted the wittiest guy on a platform called “TheWittyShit.com” (Not to mention that I was second 😛 )

With this article, I am starting a new category, “in conversation with” where I’ll tell you about my awesome conversations with some awesome people. (Hypothetical in nature, sometimes purely imaginary interviews too)

So the thing is, I am 21, and he is… err… old.  I am not married (And single, girls can take a note) and he belongs to the underprivileged community of married people. In our usual conversations, here are some differences we found out in married life and well, normal life!

Me:  So is it true, when they say marriages are made in heaven?
He:  If heaven is full of Chinese people then yeah, they are!

Me:  So what’s better, arrange marriage or love marriage?
He:  You need to take English lessons pal! Something has to be good to have a superlative called better.

Me:  Oh c’mon, it can’t be that bad! Ok tell me your views about arrange marriage.
He:  Arrange marriage for a man is like Eid for a goat. They treat him like a prince, feed him with great foods, and dress him with bright colours and then……

Me:  Better not speak, anyway, how about love marriage? That sounds tempting, huh?
He:  Have you heard those hindi idioms, “aa bail mujhe mar” and “apne pair pe kulhadi marna”!

Me:  Ohhhk, So why do you think that is? What makes marriage a disaster?
He:  A wife!

Me:  You have to speak a little more, you see, we want to explore!
He:  See, it starts right from the beginning, Marriage is danger, that is why the bride always wears RED.
Moreover, you want to see a comparison, it goes like this:

Before engagement: We are made for each other.  Between engagement and wedding: We are mad for each other.  After marriage: We are maid for each other.

Me:  But there are some good things too right? Like kids, who doesn’t love them!?
He:  When a man says “I like kids” always understand he IS talking about the process.

Me:  I’d agree to that for sure! 😛 I’ve heard that TV is the most problematic thing for a married person. Is that so?
He:  Yep, most common problem is TV. Husband always wants to watch Football and wife always want to kick his balls using her foot.  The wife always wants to watch “Punar-Vivah” and the husband wants it for real.

Me:  I wonder, is it really that bad? Why do people want to get married then!
He:  Have you heard people say marriage is like motichoor ka ladoo , well they are wrong. It’s like a dominos pizza, costs a lot, sounds tempting but tastes like hell, but to taste, you have to try it!
PS: for 80% of indian population, marriage is the easiest way to get laid!

Me:  So sir, any tips for those who just got married or are about to commit this serious mistake?
He:  There is a bunch of tips actually. Take a note.

  • Don’t waste your energy trying to make her laugh, she will treat you like a clown anyway.
  • Never reply to your wife’s “I love you” text with an “Okay”. (That time he also showed me the little wound he had near his forehead)
  • Remember, a perfect husband is one who apologies every time his wife makes a mistake.
  • And yes, take you wife on holidays to different places of the world, that will increase chances of her being lost.
  • When she asks for your credit card, give it immediately or you’ll give it after an hour with a broken limb!

Me:  And before you go, if I can ask, what’s the secret of a successful marriage?
He:  There’s a reason they call it a secret!!! No one knows it!!

So that’s it, I am sure this conversation made you laugh. This was Me (Shubham) with He (Anil Sharma) at his best. For more of his humorous jokes, don’t forget to visit his blog FuddledAndPuzzled. I am sure you’ll love it.

Do tell me who you would like to have a “conversation with” next and I’ll try. 🙂

Isn’t it pretty amazing, there is an athlete hidden in you and you never knew!!

Yes, i am talking about you, you disgruntled poor soul. A common man. Now please add all the dialogues said by nasiruddeen shah in “a Wednesday”. It will give you a feel and save me some work.

Anyway, moving on, i was talking about an athlete hidden in all of us. Well actually most of us, atleast in those who keep travelling in those local trains. Now you know what i am talking about right?

I always knew you’re smart. So i was thinking about the plight of the people who have to travel in a local train. I realized it the moment i saw hundreds of people struggling for a place in a local three years back, and blogged it today (Yes, i am that slow!!)

So let’s tell you a few things you should know while you travel in a local train in India.

1) The boarding style in a local train

Fast and crisp, if you lose it, loss of limb is expected. How a man with a suitcase and tie does it is commendable!

2) Once you’re in

Search for a place to.. Well.. Adjust yourself. Those who get to sit in a local are known as “people with luck of gold”. Those who stand are lucky as well and rest are lucky that they atleast get to exist inside a local train.

3) Holding yourself

In a moving local, you have to keep in mind a lot of things. Hold properly your bag, your wallet, your phone, your hands, your legs and well a lot more! You never know “kahan se kya ud jaye”!

4) The unknown stops

When you can’t even breathe properly, having an idea of stops is crap! So be ready, in every local train, once in every while, you’ll experience 50 kg of asses in your front and 50 kg of fronts on your ass.

5) In case you spot a seat

Defy gravity, jump more than jones, run faster than bolt because this IS your chance. Become the Ethen Hunt for a while and don’t let anyone else overpower you at this one. Yes, you have spotted the jackpot my bwouy!!

6) Time to say bye

I know, this was the journey of your life. And after this you hopefully safely and in one piece have landed to your destination. Now make space for those who rush in and make sure no one steps on you in the process. Get out (preferably while train is standing) though you need a lot of precision for the same.

My air fares are less than local trains these days, please travel in my plane!!!

Things I just told are those to which people exclaim for sure. Those who travel in locals exclaim because they never knew they do all this. And those who don’t, well they never knew as well!

But one thing from the core of my heart, these locals are the veins of Indian system (exaggeration). People who travel in them are like warriors (super exaggeration) and i am awesome (true story)!

Hope you liked it, next time I’ll tell you the story of a kingfisher airplane. (Get your tongue back in.)

First of all, a whole hearted thank you to my readers. The month of april was a month of co-authored posts, and i was overwhelmed by the huge response i got. Just 4 posts collecting over 3000 views and 50+ shares with over 350 facebook likes and 100+ twitter mentions. Since i have nothing else but my articles to give to you, here’s another one, totally written by me. Have a look 🙂


So that’s a general problem, guys always worry about this thing, rest all is good but what to do when their girlfriend/wife asks for shopping. 3 quick things that come to mind are

a) Waste of money

b) Waste of time

c) And oh… Waste of money..!

And frankly, who enjoys shopping in a girls department carrying her bags. All we enjoy is… Well… Guys already know that and girls don’t want to know that!

So here are some tips to help you out while going shopping with her. Though the article is basically for guys, girls can read it and thrash me like they did when i wrote their resume 😛

1. When she buys clothes.

Positive points:

  • You can check out other “stuff” while she’s trying on the clothes.
  • You can check out the score on that lcd tv while she is busy trying (man she takes time)

Negative points:

  • You are standing in a ladies’ department carrying a bag!

And yes, don’t forget to praise her as soon as she’s out. (Must do)

2. When she is buying nail paint/perfume.

Positive points:

  • You get to smell something good in case of perfume and in case of nail paint, you can go try that yourself (hey your nails would look fancy!)
  • You get to console yourself for the fact that her nail paint isn’t as costly as the top she just bought.

Negative points:

  • You are standing in a ladies’ department carrying a bag!

3. When she is buying grocery.

Positive points:

  • That’s where you come in, tell her you’re in charge and you wish to have soup tomorrow. Ok i am kidding, just stand behind her while she picks up all the necessary items, but yeah you can always add that pack of maggie to the basket
  • These days malls have those game cds and LCDs and sofas, don’t forget to use them.

Negative points:

  • You are standing in a ladies’ department carrying a bag! Seriously, think about it!

4. For anything else.

Just remember

  • What she picked is good (even when we all know it’s not).
  • Whatever you liked is your choice and not an implication that she’ll buy it.
  • Again, what she picked HAS to be good!

Just like way to a man’s heart is through his tummy (don’t know who said that), way to a woman’s heart is through a man’s wallet.

And also, good things come in small packages, shopping isn’t a good thing, so be ready to carry big packages!

Kinda short n precise, I guess that’s it for now, I’ve told you enough. All the best taking her shopping! 😀