Archive for the ‘Popcorn posts’ Category

Hello everyone.. I know how long it has been since I last posted. Getting into a full time professional life brings a lot of changes in your lifestyle. My manager would soon realize I was an exception to this but yes, last few months have been pretty hectic for me.

But that’s not the only change that I saw in my life. I’ve been getting many queries everyday from my juniors regarding placements and in the college to office transition mode, I realized how useless and fake the campus recruitment… or now that we’re at it, all interviews are.

So as this thought occurred to me, I started thinking about what most freshers are asked in their personal interviews and how they answer every question, and what the actual answer would be, had they been speaking the truth.

Generally in the HR interview round, first question is “Tell me about yourself.” to which the candidate answers somewhat like this… “My name is XYZ, I am in Final year of ABC stream and I scored XX percent in my final year. My hobbies are…” that goes on for hell knows how many lines. Since the company wants intelligent people to work for them, wouldn’t an intelligent answer for that question be “It’s all there in the resume you’ve already read. Why don’t we skip to the good part?”

Funny-Interview-Picture

Moving on, some more questions, in no particular order, I’ve heard (and faced) are…

Q: Where do you see yourself in five years from now?

A possible ideal answer:

In a place where I can give my 100% to the organization I am in and prove my leadership abilities in a positive way.

A possible actual answer:

Who knows! If I could predict future, I’d already be earning enough to hire you as my assistant!

 

Q: Why this company? Why not any other firms that visit your campus?

A possible ideal answer:

Sir I’ve known this company for a long time and I know the kind of work environment and growth I’ll get here is not possible anywhere else.

A possible actual answer:

Because others won’t take me!

 

Q: How do you justify so less marks in this semester? (A question most engineers would face)

A possible ideal answer:

I was going through a bad phase in my life that time which made me miss many classes/ I had an accident / Family problem… blah blah..

The real answer:

Beer. Night outs. Bunks. Affair. Break up… and more beer..

 

Q: What benefit does my company get if we hire you?

A possible ideal answer:

I am a hard worker and my analytic qualities are unmatched. I’d prove to be a worthy employee…

A possible real answer:

You get the blessings of an otherwise unemployed person…! Isn’t that enough!

 

Q: Why should we recruit you?

This is the most tricky question. If you don’t answer this properly, they don’t hire you. And if you exaggerate, they’d put you in some shitty department that requires the use of some alien language you’ve never heard of!

What can be a good answer to this? Because I can do the Gangnam style and Harlem shake together at the same time!?

Another such question, and the WORST of all times is, “Describe yourself in one word.”

What do they expect? “I’m Batman”? Even that’s two words.

ziggy

That’s not enough, there is more! In fact the list of such questions is endless. “What is your best quality?” “Your weakness” or “Your strong points”.

Although it is necessary for companies to know the person before hiring him/her, but seeing the results in campus recruitment, anyone would agree that such interviews won’t make much difference if there is a better way of judging students, more like, better questions to be asked in the interview.

That’s it for now. Now that I have some time, I’ll hopefully be coming up with more articles in some time. 🙂

India is my country. All Indians are my brothers and sisters. (and hence I am forever alone.)
See… How concerned I am to defend our pledge from being violated. And not only me, but many people, in fact every Indian citizen is concerned about our national issues. We all want to see our country rise and we constantly keep thinking about what to do for it. Not that we do something, but oh hell… Who does? We at-least think!

So I was thinking what are the real national issues that are bugging us. And as a savior for the poor souls, I am here with a solution! Since I am intelligent, thoughtful, free and kind (and I didn’t have anything better to do).

1. So the first issue that strikes my mind is… When is Sachin Tendulkar going to retire?

Every freaking Indian is concerned about this. How the hell can this guy play at 39. He is too old. People can run a country at 80, but they should not, in any condition, play cricket at 40.
So I have the answer. He is going to retire soon. Just that he has this one condition. He’ll retire the day Mumbai Indians beats Chennai Superkings in an IPL knockout match. So… umm… I am not really hopeful with this.

2. This might be the oldest issue around. Even older then Sharad Panwar!
When will Salman Khan get married?
We Indians cant see a guy happy, can we?
The answer to this is simple. Why would he get married. All you get after marriage, he has it already, plus no disadvantages since he is technically single! So in case you were delaying your marriage just because you waited for Salman, cut it, you’re overage anyway.
3. Is Narendra Modi the next PM? Or is it Rahul Gandhi?

Frankly, do you really care? What you really should be worried about is that, how many times is Hina Rabbani going to visit our country this year! 😉

4. Next thing that bugs every Indian out there is this one girl. When, in the real world, will Poonam Pandey strip!?

No no, don’t look here and there, you read my blog alone anyway to save yourself from the embarrassment after being caught.
So, let me answer this with a question. Have you heard about the love and the cookie theory?

Just assume there is a button that says push to get a cookie. But a bird shits on you when you push. Would you push it again? Yes, coz you’re hopeful you’ll get a cookie. This happens 99 times until the 100th time when you actually get the cookie and even though you’re covered in shit, you’re happy. That cookie is love!

Coming back, consider Poonam Pandey’s striptease that cookie. Stay calm, you’ll get it. Till then, tackle the shit.

Credits: Some blog :P

Credits: Some blog 😛

5. I’ve seen people getting worried about a lot of things. Their job is in danger, the wife threatens to leave home everyday (and never actually does), their children won’t listen to them and the landlord can throw them out anytime… but the real problem for them is, “Will Ram Kapoor get his fortune back?”. (If you don’t know what I am talking about, please google ‘Bade Achhe Lagte hain’)
Just wait for probably 500 more episodes and you might get the answer.

(And to read how Ekta Kapoor and people like her are destroying Indian television, please read The sas bahu saga of India.

 

When we have so much to think, we probably divert ourselves by thinking on these issues and giving out lame solutions that no one really cares about. The strange and probably ironical fact is, by keeping these things in headlines, we not only encourage them, we also avoid what should actually be the real news.

So I’d end by saying this, instead of worrying about the winner of Nach Baliye and Big Boss, please do a little brainstorming on how to save petrol, maybe that will help you!

Keep reading 🙂

There’s one more word starting with C, but I would prefer decency over that. This post is dedicated to the recent trends of the confession and compliment pages on Facebook.

Remember the old times when there were no sophisticated means of communication. People used to sing songs and send letters via pigeons (or at least that’s what we saw in movies). That time when someone felt like complimenting the other person, he/she would write that in the letter… or kiss it pink maybe.
Then came the modern time when we have phones, emails and what not. And the best part in my opinion is the vehicles which allow us to travel and meet the person and say things right to their face. Still there are things that embarrass the hell out of us or make us shy (in short, love stuff). So for that, there used to be churches where you could confess to the priest.

And then there’s all those weird radio programs where a super melodious RJ will not only listen to you in a night show with a mushy name (let’s say, raat baki baat baki), but pretend to be the love guru and solve your problems too.

The question is, were these not enough? Now what the FB timeline is filled of? NIT Confessions, IIT Confessions… and when that wasn’t enough, LNMIIT and JNIT confessions. What next? Swami Barkhanand Gokhle Institute of Dhaba Management Confessions?

 

Slappin Batman - i confess that shut up

And that’s not it, there’s ‘compliments’ too. The idea is, if you’re too shy of complimenting someone, just say it anonymously and we’ll post it. This way, the person who is being complemented becomes a hero. And the compliment giver doesn’t realize that since the taker doesn’t even know who gave it, he/she just made a big fool out of him/herself.

If I had this much time to waste (actually I pretend I don’t), I’d rather make a page for rating the photos on the scale of their hotness. Who knows the idea might just sell well. (No, it’s my idea. Your argument is invalid).

Coming back to the cr… confessions and compliments. First the major institutes will make such pages. Then individual college pages will be made. And then maybe we’ll start making a fan page for every freaking hostel room.
First the confession would be for IIT Confessions page. “I liked this hot girl and I proposed her friend just to stay close to her.”
Then there will be a particular IIT Delhi confession page status. “I liked this hot girl and i…” before it’s even posted, the admin will think, wait… hot girl… in IITD… man this guy is lying!
Then IITD, Jwalamukhi Hostel confessions page. “I broke the water supply coz I didn’t feel like bathing and didn’t want to feel left out by seeing others bathing.”
And at last, IITD, Jwalamukhi, Room number xxx confession. “ Dude! I was the one who stole your red underwear.”

IIT D guys need not take an offence, they can replace that with the iit they hate the most or maybe any NIT and read back. 😛

Futurama Fry - not sure if these complement pages are actually working or j
Point is, while these pages are lame and probably ideated by people who were themselves either too scared to say and face the truth or kind enough to help others get out of their misery, they are kind of fun as well.

This is how:

  • You can almost most of the times guess who is the person making the confession on your college page.
  • You can post fake confessions and create a ruckus. (The nasty ones 😀  )
  • You can post a fake lovy dovy compliment for the lamest guy around you and get it published and then make it go viral. And once the guy is done bragging, reveal the reality.
  • Make fake profiles, get yourself some compliments!
  • Ever made a to-do list with weird things that remained incomplete? What’s a big deal in confessing you did them?
  • Best one: Confess that you bribed a teacher. Once the confession gets liked and shared, act like your conscious suddenly woke up and you want to bring that evil teacher in the open and name the one professor you hate like hell.
  • Confess on your status that you were the real admin of the confessions page and the current admin tricked you in making him the admin and kicked you out. And now he is posting wrong things about the college. DEMAND your admin status back!
  • Compliment your girlfriend with a hundred different guy profiles. Once she is noticed, you become the dude. (She is your girlfriend after all). Double benefit, even she’d like that (Unless she knows the real motive).

Personally, my favorite confession was this.

“#6 Nikita
you have curvy figure…, but only problem is your Mustache. Please wax it up for me. 😦 
NIT-S”

True, honest… and well… hilarious, isn’t it?

Two kinds of people wouldn’t have understood half of this post. Those who have no idea what compliment and confession pages I am talking about. And those who actually made those pages.

In case you belong to former category, here are a few examples for you.
http://www.facebook.com/IITConfess?fref=ts
http://www.facebook.com/heartuninterupted?fref=ts
http://www.facebook.com/confessions.nit?fref=ts
http://www.facebook.com/pages/NIT-Compliments/334185053368302

And in case you’re in the latter, I know how badly you’re itching to put an offensive comment here. Go ahead, I’d love that. I have heard that hated posts go viral these days! 😀

Next month, next post. Looking for a co-author since I will be out of town and won’t get much time to write. Do write to me if you have an idea. 🙂

When I talk about the blockbusters this blog has given, three names that come to my mind are In conversation with: A married guy (co-author Anil Sharma), The real resume of a girl (co-author Shubham Khandelwal) and The Facebook relationship (that’s just me 😉 )

All three not only won people’s hearts but managed to be liked by the critics as well. Not to mention they also bagged tangy Tuesday and spicy Saturday awards by Blogadda. So this article, is my sole attempt to recreate what I did with Anil Sharma is the article mentioned first. This time, we’re in conversation with a guy who just got in a relationship. Without further ado, let’s introduce you to Mr. X. (He doesn’t want single girls to know his name now.)

signs-of-a-desperate-man

Me: Hello Mr. X. Would you please leave your phone and join us here?
He: Oh sure. Hello everyone, love to be here.

Me: Yeah, no one came to watch you. Anyway, what were you doing there on phone? Messaging your girlfriend?
He: No, I was posting about her on twitter.

Me: Ummm… Anyway… So let’s talk about your relationship. How did it happen?
He: You know how difficult it is to get a girlfriend these days?
Me: No.
He: How would you, you don’t have one!
Me: I do.
He: But you never tweet about her! Lame! Anyway, it is difficult. I really had to put in hard work, dedication, efforts and what not!

Me: What not? Let me guess. Money, endless messages and time?
He: Who cares about time? Before her I used to watch roadies auditions all the time.

Me: I’d skip that part. Let’s get a little more personal. Was she always the one for you or it happened suddenly?
He: Suddenly. Like, in a moment.
Me: When?
He: When she said it!

Me: So you’re saying that you said yes to a girl who you didn’t feel for?
He: Look at me. Do you think I have that option?

Me: I’d agree to that! Moving on. What was the first thing you did after this love realization?
He: Posted that I am committed on Facebook.
Me: What! Ok second thing.
He: Twitter.
Me: Alright after that and Google+. Gtalk, Skype, Whatsapp and all other crap… what next?
He: What? Shouldn’t I get any sleep?

Me: Sigh! Ok, so what was her reaction after seeing all this?
He: Who?
Me: Your girlfriend? What did you think!
He: I know. Just that it feels so great when someone says ‘your girlfriend’! Well she hasn’t seen anything yet, hardly comes online!

Me: Still she chose you? So what do you think she likes in you?
He: I am really a good friend. A nice human being. With people in every condition!

Me: Wow! That’s big. Can we get any examples of those qualities?
He: Yesterday only. This girl said ‘I am really sad, mah dog hasn’t eaten anything today’ on Facebook and I commented ‘There there’.

Me: I should have seen that one coming! So tell us one thing you really like about her.
He: My friends say she is hot. Out of my league. Maybe she watches Champions league all the time, that’s why!

Me: SHE IS A FOOTBALL FAN!!!! <Sat back on my chair>. Ahem. Ok. That’s good to know. So is there any advice you would like to give to all the single guys there?
He: Ha! Suckers! I win!

Me: That was… umm… precise! So tell us about your love life. Any special dates?
He: Not yet. I just got committed. Posted about it. We couldn’t talk next day and now here I am. But you don’t need to worry, I’ll blog about the date once we do it.

Me: I am sure that’s something every reader will read! And this question remained untouched somehow, what did she say when she first told you about her feelings?
He: I love you! And then after we cut the call, she sent me some mail I am yet to see.

proposal

Me: I feel old. Things these days have changed or it’s just you?
He: It’s me. Not everyone is lucky to have a girlfriend you see.

Me: How do your friends react to this?
He: I am not able to give them time now. They are kind of angry, I think it’s jealousy. But some respect me too. They even raise their hands when I see them from far.
Me: Do you have vision problems?
He: A little myopic.

Me: Hmm. I am pretty sure they have their middle finger raised while they’re respecting you that way. One more question, with so much going around you, what do you think is more important? Work, education, family, country or relationship?
He: I’ll answer that indirectly. Only single guys answer one of the first four options.

Me: I think it’s time to wrap. It was (not) a pleasure talking to you. (I feel choked and it seems I’d have to take a treatment for bullshit syndrome!)
He: Wait, I am getting a call.

<Speaker on>

 He: Hello
She: Hey, how are you.
He: I am great. Love you!
She: What?
He: Don’t you love me cheeku?
She: Are you drunk? When did I say that? And don’t say that name again, ever… to any girl!
He: But 3 days back you said that on phone. Remember?
She: I love YouTube!!! That’s what I said you idiot. I even mailed you a video of the cat combing her fur that day!

Don’t think much, he fainted. We took him to a hospital where he proposed a nurse and got beaten up.

That Mr. X is almost every other guy these days. Not literally, but well, almost. So guys, life is simple. Take it easy. Learn to appreciate and be modest and above all, listen properly. 😛

In case you don’t like it, comment below and I’ll make sure I make the perfect excuse for that.

Before you go any further, here’s a warning… This article does not make sense. Seriously. There is no way your deep intellectual mind and my verbally diarrheic mood are going to sync at any point. Still, I know you’re a BIG fan of the blog (just say yes, it’s a rule…), so I promise you one thing; If you reach till the end and don’t like the article, you tell me about it, and we’ll both laugh about how I managed to troll you.

There’s a big crowd of embarrassing people out there. While there are people like Rahul Dravid who make their parents proud, there’s one kind like Uday Chopra which makes their parents feel bad about doing it in the first place so that they were born! And there’s also this third category like Abhishek Bachchan which has successfully managed to confuse their parents.

That bums me too!

That bums me too!

Anyway, this makes me think, why would someone want to have children? If they grow up one day to become THAT!!!

I am not being sarcastic, not saying no offence to anyone, I am just being truthful here. Either they chose the wrong profession or their parents chose a very bad day not to use protection.

Talking about embarrassing children, taking a few examples, the first name I can think of is Rahul Mahajan. An upcoming politician turned an eligible bachelor turned a weird comedy judge turned a step less dancer. That guy is not the only Rahul to have embarrassed himself publicly, but he sure is the greatest one. Best thing about him is the laugh. Don’t Google it, you’d prefer Justin Beiber’s songs over it!

Coming to the next best guy, you all know him already. Uday Chopra. His father was the king of romance; he is probably the sting of his father’s romance. I liked him in Dhoom movies though. He was definitely less constipating than Abhishek Bachchan’s voice and Esha Deol’s dance. But I am pretty sure his father would have wanted him to study and maybe open up a business where he didn’t have to speak. See, it’s when he starts to speak, the problem begins.

I could list worse, but the list would be incomplete if I don’t include Sanjay Dutt in it. Before I go ahead, I like the guy. His personality, his style and the movies. But the things he does, I am pretty sure Sunil Dutt would have preferred putting him into day boarding if he ever saw that coming.

Rahul Roy, Rahul Gandhi… a hell lot of other Rahuls. Abhishek Bachchan, Tushar Kapoor, Shamita Shetty are a few other laureates in the list.

But then I remember, in my last article I had said, if you can’t talk good about someone, don’t say bad things either. So I’ll tell you some things I like about them. That is… well… umm… You see… I… I think they… Well… Hell! Leave it.

I should also appreciate my parents for being the courageous ones. Not only they gave birth to me, and despite of my father being a genius and me being extremely poor at mathematics, they’ve been handling me pretty well for the last 21… no… 22… maybe 21 years.

Before I start making sense, let me tell you that this article is a result of the frustration I had after a real bad day in my work. You see… I didn’t do it.

Coming to the end (Yes, this article was small… Thank your stars or probably the mirror you didn’t look at after you woke up), I’d say one thing to our famous celebs. Beat your sons when they’re young. Put them in Boarding schools and probably make them eat boiled cabbage. Do anything, but kindly don’t make another disaster like the aforementioned.

In case you need any help, talk to Rakesh Roshan or Javed Akhtar on how to raise your children. (My parents are busy these days… else… you know 😛 )

PS: Hope you like this new thing about the blog, that I am about to tell. An article every Sunday. A definitely funny one (Or at least a desperate attempt to make you laugh… like this one). That’s a promise from now on.

For the serious ones, occasionally, we have a Friday. 🙂

If you were to ask my friends, I’d probably be the last guy to give any kind of advice on hair and hairstyles according to them. And hence, when I saw this post on Indiblogger to post something about ‘perfect straight hair’ I thought I shouldn’t do it. Since 1) I am a guy and this one seems to be a girls’ topic. 2) The aforementioned reason, were there, I closed the browser and started typing random stuff that came to my mind. And apparently, this post happened.

And now that I see, they actually wanted Crazy, Whacky and Weird Ideas only. So here we go.

Today is 12-12-12. A date which won’t appear for the next 100 years and we won’t be seeing such a repetition again for that much time (till the next 01-01-01 comes). So let’s add one more 12 to the count and roll with it.

  1. Remember those ‘center shock’ ads around 10 years back? They claimed they could get your hair straight. Although that chewing gum is hard to find now, you can still manage to make one at home. Mix some concentrated lemon juice with tamarind and dissolve around 2 Tablespoon salt in it. Drink it in one go, if you survive, it will be with straight hair!
  2. Ever had a grill sandwich? Yummy isn’t it. Now don’t switch off the grill after taking out the sandwich. Wrap silver foil around your hair and put them in it. Press the hood hard till you’re sure they’re straight (I’d recommend having someone around to keep a check on your breath… umm… in case it’s gone!)
  3. You won’t iron your hair, right? Coz that would be weird! How about using a steam iron though? At least make it trendy!
  4. This 12-12-12 thing reminds me that we won’t have such a repetition again. Or will we? Those who want a 13-13-13 can totally listen to Himesh’s song “Tera-Tera-Tera Surooooorrrrrr”. No matter what happens, I am pretty sure his voice will get you enough shocks to give an erection to your hair!
  5. Getting straight here isn’t tough, if you see that like this. Listen to “Dabangg 2” songs. ALL of them. Yes… ALL!!! I can bet that you’ll be pulling your hair so much in the meanwhile that they’ll become straight. Rock lovers, replace Dabangg with Justin Beiber.

mainbanner.png

6. Let’s get a little sciency now. Take some iron nails and some feviquick. Empty the tube in a plate filled of the nails and before the nails stick to the plate, stick them to your hair. Now stick a magnet to your shoes and wear them. The nails  ttract to the magnet and the curls just vanish. See, who could tell what you learned in class 5 would help so much.

7. So we’ve tried Eatables, Instruments, Music and Science. What’s left? I’ll tell you. Kids. We all have that bunch of little weirdoes around who will do anything to make your time like hell. Every under-3-feet kid has this habit of pulling your hair when they’re irritated.

So lift one off the ground and in case he/she doesn’t pull your hair, there’s no harm in tickling a bit to get them to do it (Unless their parents are around.)
8. Are you rich? What? Yes? Will you marr… err… nothing. You must be having a garage and a car then. Go lie in your garage and roll over a car or a motor vehicle over your hair. They’ll get straight, stylish and the treads of the tyres might as well give them a new shape!

9. This one is actually a serious one. Suggested by my sister. Use a comb regularly and read this http://www.sunsilk.com.au/expertise/best-hairstyle-is-as-straight-as-can-be.html. I hear it works! (Since I have a lot of female readers, I’d prefer a feedback on this one 😉 )

10. While I am suggesting everything to get you straight hair in every not-so-possible way, people would say why have straight hair at all!? When you can have superb curvy… err… curly looks.

I’ll tell you why. Coz then you’d look like this.

devaang style

My fellow MNITians will know the reason of my death in the next few days now! 😛

11. Listen to 12 Rajinikanth jokes and tell yourself that Rajinikanth can’t get your hair straight. Since it’s his birthday, he won’t kill you, but he’ll surely straighten up your hair by thinking about it.

12. When none of the above ways work and you’ve reached till here, look in the mirror, you already have straight hair! After all you read a full post on my blog. Not a cake walk I tell you!

So this is it. I have tried not making sense as long as I could, if by mistake I made sense somewhere, that was purely coincidental and unintentional. Kindly bear with it.

Also wish me luck, maybe the super awesome sunsilk people will give me a goodie for writing this! 😛

And you do know my book is published, write… err… right?
Buy it here: www.bit.ly/booklinks, www.bit.ly/booklandmark, www.bit.ly/bookflipkart 🙂

 

PS: Thank you Shubham Khandelwal, my co-author in the most liked post till date of this blog “The Resume of a girl” for his inputs in the post. 🙂

You… yes… you! I am talking to you bozo! Where do you think you are going? Just because I didn’t write anything funny for a month, you think you can just unsubscribe! Not that easy buttercup.

And because you had such a lame idea of moving away from this blog, not only I spammed you and brought you back, I’ll also make sure you read this another post filled up of my useless experience and aimless sarcasm.
Also, I heard that while no updates were here, guys were actually able to go on perfect dates… now we can’t let that happen, can we?!

We all love gifts. Girls, to be specific, love gifts on every occasion… like their birthdays, results, first meeting anniversaries, marriage anniversaries, their pet’s birthday, cousin’s marriage, when they look good (to appreciate), when they are not looking good (to cheer up), when they feel good (to celebrate), when they’re not feeling good (to make them feel good) etc. etc. etc.

This post is about choosing a gift. Since ages man has struggled to choose the perfect gift for his dream girl… or well… any girl for that matter.  All this started when Adam chose the first wrong gift for Eve, the apple. And the humanity came into existence after that! Since then, he sometimes gifted a stone and sometimes a wheel, sometimes a radio and sometimes some junk of steel. But women! Will they ever know how important these things actually were! All they could see was how ugly those things were.

All in all, the world has developed and so has man… umm… a little bit. So we now understand what women want (Or at least we pretend we do). So how should we choose a gift? Let’s start with your girlfriend. (Imagine one; I know you don’t have it in real.)

You know every girl has that one guy who she loved but could never get. And one guy who was crazy about her and could never get her. And then there’s you who accidentally slipped a text saying I love you to her instead of her hot friend who you actually aimed for. Well, while the first guy is the lucky one, our aim is to find the second guy.
You know him? Brilliant!
Catch him and ask him what he would give to her as a present.
Make a list of everything he says. Congrats, you now have a list you can cut off from the options.  Well there was a reason he couldn’t get her, wasn’t there!

Next up: Find a shop. Cosmetics is the easiest way to go, so dig a little deeper, do some research, consult some female friends, watch some ads and well… buy the product that is displayed on the poster outside the mall. This isn’t your final gift, this is to accompany the major one in case she gets pissed off at that, which, let’s face it, she will.

Now, major gift. We have many options. Dedicating a poem, making a scrapbook, singing a song or making a mix tape of her favorite songs, this is what you do when you’re broke and she’s mad about you. Otherwise go the classic way, shed some bucks!

In that category, we put the gifts that wealthy people give. Like, throwing her a surprise party (this way you’ll also get to talk privately to the hot friend), giving her a day off in a luxury spa or maybe giving her treat at the best restaurant of the city.

Now here’s where I come to your rescue. Now who wants to spend money when there is an easy way out! Since ages, man has ignored one fact that every woman knows about him, that he is stupid when it comes to understanding women. He can be a rocket scientist, a top-notch percussionist, a world-famous writer or maybe a gold medalist athlete, but he is stupid. And we don’t have to be embarrassed about that, because frankly, who has even tried!

So when you don’t understand her, you won’t obviously know what kind of food she will prefer on her b’day night or what friends she’d like to invite in her birthday party. Now here are two ways to get that done.

1)      The hard work: This is the one you’re gonna say you used. Here you talk to her for an hour daily, make a list of her favorite things and her best friends, ask her every freaking detail about her choices and obviously, getting her a mix tape of her favorite songs. (What’s with girls and Enrique I’ll never know, right!?)

2)      The hot friend: This is the one you’re actually gonna use. Remember everything you had to do? Just make a list and ask her hottest (and the best) friend to do the honors. You just make the tape and get the credit.

Some pointers here. You see every group of girls has that one hot girl on whom everyone tries his luck. And we all know your girlfriend ain’t that girl. So if you have trouble finding the best hot friend, either you are with her (Which is not possible) or this group doesn’t have that girl (in that case, you’re a moron and I forbid you from reading further!)

To all the girls who are mad at me, isn’t this girl cute? 😀

If in case you forgot to think of a gift well before the occasion, do one of these things. Open any collage making software, find 4-8 pictures of her and scramble them on a mushy background. Decorate it with some stars, bells, maybe a santa hat and get it printed. Stick a chocolate above, good to go!

In case you have to wish belated. Get ready with a 20 minute long speech of why you could not wish her on time since your very important interview and bad health struck at the same time. And then with the aforementioned gift, stick a sorry card and one “best girlfriend” card too.

Girls, who have been wondering that how none of this post was true and how they don’t like gifts this way and how feelings matter more and how they’d prefer a simple message over an expensive necklace, I whole heartily apologize for spreading such nonsense, but this will get you better gifts from now on.

Anyway, this post is over, as you all know I am a published author now. This Tuesday you’ll get to see my book online. Do buy it, though I won’t recommend gifting that to your partner 😉

Hola amigos. I hope I find all of you in good health, because you’re gonna need one hell of an appetite to eat what I am going to explain next.

In case you’re wondering what is happening, let me tell you, I am the same Shubham who used to write sarcastic articles and weird observations. Just that I am a decent cook and I never got to brag about it. So I thought, why not! Let’s tell people about something they would never expect from me.

Thanks to Indian Bloggers League and my team Kolkata Knight Writers for giving me this opportunity to tell you all about a dish which I call, “Fusion Paneer Sizzler”. As the name tells, it’s a sizzler made from… err… Paneer (or cottage cheese as the high society people call it). Why the word ‘Fusion’? Simple, it’s a fusion of all regions of India. (That’s why i call it the NEWS Dish, see, brain 😉 ). It unites the ingredients from the spicy south, the tangy west, the sweet east and the delicious north.

So in short, you’re going to learn to make a new dish, from a 21-year-old guy, who has blogging for only a year and has started to learn cooking only a few years back (And is still AWESOME!)

PS: Though you’re not gonna complain, but in case someone gets food poisoning after eating this, it’s because of the stale cottage cheese you used and not because I am doing a foodie post for the first time.

So let’s Start with the ingredients. We bring you the base of the dish (Cottage cheese) which is loved by the people in west Bengal, the Gram Flour Gatte popular in Rajasthan, the spices and coconut derived from Kerala and Tamil Nadu, vegetables like Broccoli and beans and onion (optional) popular in Maharashtra and the Rice eaten by almost every Indian.

Ingredients (Quantity-wise):

250 gm. Cottage cheese cubes.

1 Tablespoon Ginger and Garlic paste

1 Teaspoon Garam Masala

2 Teaspoon Tandoori Masala

1 Teaspoon Sour mango powder

1 Teaspoon Mustard oil

½ cups of Gatte (made up from Gram Flour)

1 Cup boiled rice (mixed with a pinch of salt and butter)

1 Teaspoon Butter

1 cup boiled mix vegetable (Cabbage, Carrot, Cauliflower, Beans, Peas)

2 tablespoon soya oil

Around 1-2 Tablespoon of Coconut and grounded cottage cheese

Procedure:

First of all, put the cottage cheese cubes, sour mango powder, Garam masala, tandoori masala, mustard oil and garlic-ginger paste together in a bowl and mix thoroughly.  (Shake it baby 😉 )

Now take a sizzler plate and heat it to a temperature enough not to burn the cheese. (Not hotter than Megan fox). Fry the cottage cheese with the soya oil in a frying pen.

Spread all the vegetables and rice after mixing in the sizzler plate. Put the fried Cottage cheese over it. Now garnish it with the Coconut and Cottage cheese mixture.

Does it look sexy? Feel free to add some more peas and even little crushed bits of dry fruits like cashew to make it richer and tastier.

Put some heated butter over the mixture and a little on the plate edge so that the little sounds tell u the amount of heat it has absorbed and once the smoke starts coming out, guess what… Your Fusion Paneer Sizzler is ready!!!

The Fusion Paneer Sizzler!

In case you feel incompleteness, here is a tip: Eat this with a little Coconut Chutney and maybe some Mango Pickle. Yes, pickle with a sizzler sounds really weird, but I realized it’s awesome only when I ate this. Those who don’t like the pickle idea, how about some green chutney? Believe me, anything looks good because of the paneer in there 😀

Unfortunately I couldn’t take a photo of the one I ate, so you’re gonna have to suffice with a photo I found in my mom’s cook-book.

Hope you liked it, the dish as well as my experiment with my writing. Comment your reviews and yes, how was the Dark Knight Rises huh? Watched it yet?

 

Also 😛

This post has been published by me as a part of IBL; the Battle of Blogs, sponsored by WriteupCafe.com. Join us at our official website and facebook page.

www.indianbloggersleague.com
www.facebook.com/IndianBloggersLeague 

 “Hello… I am older than all of you, I was born when people wanted to communicate. I am gentle, I am smooth, sophisticated and easy, above all. But people these days hate me. They cut me, play with me and kill me. It’s a humble request. Please don’t do that.” 

Yours sincerely,
English language.
PS: Do read this blog, it’s awesome!”

That was an email I found in my inbox yesterday. Well I have received a letter from Rajinikanth before, this is nothing.  So why this letter? Read on.

“Yesterday ma mom bot me a new cellphone… how kewl is that… ehh!!”

Yes, it’s cool, and even cooler is that the same cellphone will now be used to send thousands of such meaningless texts!!!

India is a developing country, even then why the minds of some gems of our generation aren’t developing is a big mystery. If you have been active on facebook, you’ll know this kind of people. Ruthless, merciless, rude and insensitive… towards English. They will roast, fry, bake and finally tear off each word like it’s there own property. Ironically, they noticed that I said ‘there’ instead of ‘their’ in my last sentence.

If I start giving examples, the list won’t end. But on the same time, their efforts are commendable. After all our so-called English-speaking people have made their own vocab now. To exemplify, I have some words.

They’ve replaced “picture” with “pikta”. Yes, sounds as it is spelled. Weirdness has just started. The reason behind this change is that “pikta” is easy to type and sounds cool.

That reminds me the word “Cool” is now “Kewl” now I wonder why this transformation occurred, I mean typing kewl is even more time taking than the regular one with two o’s!!

“My” is now “ma”. So apparently “ma” is everywhere, ‘ma cellphone’, ‘ma bike’, ‘ma bag’ and ‘ma college’. The only bad thing is that our original ‘ma’ might not be proud of this.

One of the revolutionary word replacements is “lyk” instead of “like” now I think people will go clean their private jets in the time they saved by typing one less character!

The next spot is taken by ‘ba’ and ‘ny’, believe it or not, these are the replacements for ‘by’ and ‘any’. Kewl, isn’t it?

Recently this is something I read while I was browsing facebook. “Congoz dude cary on… ol d bst fr the future”. But obvious, my comment was “How come you spelled future correctly?”

Now that I think, I guess around 380 million people are speaking this 3rd most spoken language in the world. English must be pretty strong right? Well not stronger than us, we kill it every day!

Just imagine, the people who fail to understand how misinterpreted their words can be when they say “can u cum” instead of “Can you come”, how will they understand the actual tough concepts, like the difference between “its and it’s”, “Their, there, they’re”, “Than/then” and above all “Literally and figuratively”!!!

Now you must be thinking why this preaching all of a sudden? Have you ever seen this status? “Hey ol, how r u… listen I got admit to clg… and ystrday was ma bday… u ol make ma liFE spEcial… THanku… ure ma sweet frnds… will miss ya…”
I saw it this morning, have been tensed since then.

I just want an answer to this query, “Whoever initiated this language, must’ve been a busy man. But did he not know that while he was busy murdering one of the most sophisticated languages in the world, there are hundreds of kids preparing for Spelling bee to honor the same!”
Now that I think, it’s not a one man task, it must have been a group thing. So we can say English has been gang raped.

Now this is something interesting I came across, not mine, credits to a page I found on facebook.
“Proper capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.”

So all in all, I request all, those who do, those who don’t and those who do but will say they don’t, please don’t kill this language. For the sake being kewl… err… cool, you don’t use such words, it makes you look like a fool! And please, you say ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’ the next time, I am gonna take an embarrassing pikta of u and post it to facebuk!!

PS: This was my 50th blogpost, hope you liked it. It’s been a nice journey. And hence, my 51st blogpost is going to be a thank you note to all my readers.  🙂

First of all, a whole hearted thank you to my readers. The month of april was a month of co-authored posts, and i was overwhelmed by the huge response i got. Just 4 posts collecting over 3000 views and 50+ shares with over 350 facebook likes and 100+ twitter mentions. Since i have nothing else but my articles to give to you, here’s another one, totally written by me. Have a look 🙂


So that’s a general problem, guys always worry about this thing, rest all is good but what to do when their girlfriend/wife asks for shopping. 3 quick things that come to mind are

a) Waste of money

b) Waste of time

c) And oh… Waste of money..!

And frankly, who enjoys shopping in a girls department carrying her bags. All we enjoy is… Well… Guys already know that and girls don’t want to know that!

So here are some tips to help you out while going shopping with her. Though the article is basically for guys, girls can read it and thrash me like they did when i wrote their resume 😛

1. When she buys clothes.

Positive points:

  • You can check out other “stuff” while she’s trying on the clothes.
  • You can check out the score on that lcd tv while she is busy trying (man she takes time)

Negative points:

  • You are standing in a ladies’ department carrying a bag!

And yes, don’t forget to praise her as soon as she’s out. (Must do)

2. When she is buying nail paint/perfume.

Positive points:

  • You get to smell something good in case of perfume and in case of nail paint, you can go try that yourself (hey your nails would look fancy!)
  • You get to console yourself for the fact that her nail paint isn’t as costly as the top she just bought.

Negative points:

  • You are standing in a ladies’ department carrying a bag!

3. When she is buying grocery.

Positive points:

  • That’s where you come in, tell her you’re in charge and you wish to have soup tomorrow. Ok i am kidding, just stand behind her while she picks up all the necessary items, but yeah you can always add that pack of maggie to the basket
  • These days malls have those game cds and LCDs and sofas, don’t forget to use them.

Negative points:

  • You are standing in a ladies’ department carrying a bag! Seriously, think about it!

4. For anything else.

Just remember

  • What she picked is good (even when we all know it’s not).
  • Whatever you liked is your choice and not an implication that she’ll buy it.
  • Again, what she picked HAS to be good!

Just like way to a man’s heart is through his tummy (don’t know who said that), way to a woman’s heart is through a man’s wallet.

And also, good things come in small packages, shopping isn’t a good thing, so be ready to carry big packages!

Kinda short n precise, I guess that’s it for now, I’ve told you enough. All the best taking her shopping! 😀