Posts Tagged ‘girls’

You… yes… you! I am talking to you bozo! Where do you think you are going? Just because I didn’t write anything funny for a month, you think you can just unsubscribe! Not that easy buttercup.

And because you had such a lame idea of moving away from this blog, not only I spammed you and brought you back, I’ll also make sure you read this another post filled up of my useless experience and aimless sarcasm.
Also, I heard that while no updates were here, guys were actually able to go on perfect dates… now we can’t let that happen, can we?!

We all love gifts. Girls, to be specific, love gifts on every occasion… like their birthdays, results, first meeting anniversaries, marriage anniversaries, their pet’s birthday, cousin’s marriage, when they look good (to appreciate), when they are not looking good (to cheer up), when they feel good (to celebrate), when they’re not feeling good (to make them feel good) etc. etc. etc.

This post is about choosing a gift. Since ages man has struggled to choose the perfect gift for his dream girl… or well… any girl for that matter.  All this started when Adam chose the first wrong gift for Eve, the apple. And the humanity came into existence after that! Since then, he sometimes gifted a stone and sometimes a wheel, sometimes a radio and sometimes some junk of steel. But women! Will they ever know how important these things actually were! All they could see was how ugly those things were.

All in all, the world has developed and so has man… umm… a little bit. So we now understand what women want (Or at least we pretend we do). So how should we choose a gift? Let’s start with your girlfriend. (Imagine one; I know you don’t have it in real.)

You know every girl has that one guy who she loved but could never get. And one guy who was crazy about her and could never get her. And then there’s you who accidentally slipped a text saying I love you to her instead of her hot friend who you actually aimed for. Well, while the first guy is the lucky one, our aim is to find the second guy.
You know him? Brilliant!
Catch him and ask him what he would give to her as a present.
Make a list of everything he says. Congrats, you now have a list you can cut off from the options.  Well there was a reason he couldn’t get her, wasn’t there!

Next up: Find a shop. Cosmetics is the easiest way to go, so dig a little deeper, do some research, consult some female friends, watch some ads and well… buy the product that is displayed on the poster outside the mall. This isn’t your final gift, this is to accompany the major one in case she gets pissed off at that, which, let’s face it, she will.

Now, major gift. We have many options. Dedicating a poem, making a scrapbook, singing a song or making a mix tape of her favorite songs, this is what you do when you’re broke and she’s mad about you. Otherwise go the classic way, shed some bucks!

In that category, we put the gifts that wealthy people give. Like, throwing her a surprise party (this way you’ll also get to talk privately to the hot friend), giving her a day off in a luxury spa or maybe giving her treat at the best restaurant of the city.

Now here’s where I come to your rescue. Now who wants to spend money when there is an easy way out! Since ages, man has ignored one fact that every woman knows about him, that he is stupid when it comes to understanding women. He can be a rocket scientist, a top-notch percussionist, a world-famous writer or maybe a gold medalist athlete, but he is stupid. And we don’t have to be embarrassed about that, because frankly, who has even tried!

So when you don’t understand her, you won’t obviously know what kind of food she will prefer on her b’day night or what friends she’d like to invite in her birthday party. Now here are two ways to get that done.

1)      The hard work: This is the one you’re gonna say you used. Here you talk to her for an hour daily, make a list of her favorite things and her best friends, ask her every freaking detail about her choices and obviously, getting her a mix tape of her favorite songs. (What’s with girls and Enrique I’ll never know, right!?)

2)      The hot friend: This is the one you’re actually gonna use. Remember everything you had to do? Just make a list and ask her hottest (and the best) friend to do the honors. You just make the tape and get the credit.

Some pointers here. You see every group of girls has that one hot girl on whom everyone tries his luck. And we all know your girlfriend ain’t that girl. So if you have trouble finding the best hot friend, either you are with her (Which is not possible) or this group doesn’t have that girl (in that case, you’re a moron and I forbid you from reading further!)

To all the girls who are mad at me, isn’t this girl cute? 😀

If in case you forgot to think of a gift well before the occasion, do one of these things. Open any collage making software, find 4-8 pictures of her and scramble them on a mushy background. Decorate it with some stars, bells, maybe a santa hat and get it printed. Stick a chocolate above, good to go!

In case you have to wish belated. Get ready with a 20 minute long speech of why you could not wish her on time since your very important interview and bad health struck at the same time. And then with the aforementioned gift, stick a sorry card and one “best girlfriend” card too.

Girls, who have been wondering that how none of this post was true and how they don’t like gifts this way and how feelings matter more and how they’d prefer a simple message over an expensive necklace, I whole heartily apologize for spreading such nonsense, but this will get you better gifts from now on.

Anyway, this post is over, as you all know I am a published author now. This Tuesday you’ll get to see my book online. Do buy it, though I won’t recommend gifting that to your partner 😉


The world consists of two kinds of people, girls and boys. While the first kind is responsible for the development of the world, the second kind basically brags about the fact that behind every successful first kind, it’s them who is responsible. Now all the females who felt offended, please don’t… Well… I don’t really have an explanation why, but just don’t!

So I am going to tell you how a resume of a girl should actually look like. This was a real tough job as I had to get all my facts perfectly correct and double checked.  As this is the month of co-authored posts and I have already put 1 in the series, to help me out in this, I have a co-author, Shubham Khandelwal, a very good friend and a nice writer as well.  So please welcome him and if you find any exaggeration in the article, feel free to blame him.

Moving on, a resume is the basic sketch of your personality and represents you in the outer world. Now what if it contains what you actually are, instead of what you show. Troublesome won’t it be? Here’s one I’ve made for most girls. (See, I said most, not all)



Name: XYZ (I don’t really want to face the wrath of girls so early, let’s wait for some lines)
Contact Number: You can get that from anyone, you know. 😉


  • For Rajasthani and Gujarati girls: To get married.
  • For Metro city girls: To have affairs with around 10 guys, bankrupt 3-4 out of them, have a bad break-up with 2-3  of them, be friends with rest of them and then get married (not with any of them).
  • For Punjabi girls: To look as beautiful, maintained and sexy as they can and then get fat, of-course after getting married
  • For Southern and Eastern states’ girls: To study to the extent that even the nerds of other states are left behind and then get married.



  • Topped the school each year in English and kept the books, notebooks etc. clean and covered.
  • Got first proposed by a guy in 9th grade. Ohh my God, can’t tell you how cute he was!!!
  • Wait wasn’t two enough? Does “sang the morning prayer in assembly for three consecutive years” count?



VLCC, Kaya Kalp, Kiora, Shades, Shehnaz

Took slimming treatment, figure maintaining treatment, skin treatment, hair treatment and in short everything


  • Was successfully involved in the project “Don’t tell anyone that rupinder is having an affair with gurmeet”.
  • Handled the project “Let’s put stupid statuses on Facebook that include wine names and month names” for three months regularly.
  • You want a third one? What am I, some rocket scientist!!


  • Acted as satellite 24/7 for all the boyfriends I have been with
  • Caretaker of pets especially puppies to the extent that eventually they run to PETA and ask to save them from the “loads” of affection
  • Assisted every friend of mine to do loads of shopping until her wallet or preferably her boyfriend’s wallet became empty.



  • Outstanding debater; can shut up any guy in 2.3 minutes precisely.
  • Exclusively awesome in cursive writing.
  • Awarded for making record smileys in every text I have ever sent.


  • Sharp memory: Can remember every statement said by others date wise.
  • Art & craft: Good at making cards and picking up stuff toys on the basis of cuteness.
  • Can text and talk for hours non stop, also, can sound dumb, cute, mad and lovable at the same time. (Quote: 9 step guide to dating)

Why Should You Hire Me? :

Just have a look at the picture I have attached, and then see if you really want to ask that again!

So that’s it, this was really an anti-feminist kind of post as some might say, but then again, I always maintain equality (Kinda evident from my How to identify a Tharki article!). So girls, do tell me which points I got wrong and if anyone of you wants to help me making a similar one for guys, you’re welcome J

Thanking again my co-author, shubham khandelwal, though we do share the same name, our thought’s don’t match much, except for what we’ve written here. Since this is the first time I’ve ever wrote an article with a guy (Yeah! 😛 ), I would like to share with you all, one of his better articles here. Have a look Here

Hello… I have been a little busy, evident from the frequency of my blog posts. So what I did was to ask for help on my fanpage and surprisingly, I got a huge response when I asked for a co-author for my next post. Seeing that, I decided something, the month of april is going to be a co-authored post month.
And here is the first article in that series, from me and my co-author, a person known to many of you from “5 questions guys can’t answer”, Akanksha sharma! In this, we have tried to help out the other girls, in case they need some dating advice, basically, How to impress and ask a guy out!

What guys need? Is the basic question in every girl’s mind.
Well, in general they need a girl who is caring, understanding, funny and kinda intelligent. Forget what I said if you’re hot!

love is in the air


So here are some ways to help you get going into a guy’s heart. Remember, all the ways have not actually been tested, but legends say they work.

  • Now when your mother says “Way to a man’s heart is through his tummy” listen to her.
    Prepare His favourite dish for him (and if can’t, then order it from somewhere and tell him that you’ve made it for him). Once his mouth opens, he will say yes to anything you say, if you know what I mean.

    Alter: Just text him that you like him!



  • Wait for your birthday. Guys love asking a girl what she wants for her birthday. Ask for a special b’day gift, and now ask him out (and if he is confused then use the weapon known as “Emotional Blackmail”).


Alter: Just text him that you like him!



  • Try to be close to him for some time. Not chipku but close, there’s a difference, a mosquito is chipku who you just want to kill, a pug who you just pet is close. Now take that figuratively and read on. Befriend his mother! Hah ! that’s it, guys always like girls liked by their mothers.

Alter: You know! Just text him that you like him!

  • Watch his favourite movie even if you hate that to the core and use some of its dialogues on the timing. HE WILL FALL FOR YOU FOR SURE!!!
    Guys like the girls with similar choice. Now this task is tough for most girls because they’d generally not want to watch space movies and well… other types… of movies!

    Alter: Guess what!

  • In the pre historic times, when tribal women used to like a guy, they used to throw a bone at him to indicate their crush. Now things have changed, but man hasn’t. Throw him a bone. Not literally, dumb! Go and give him something, maybe a shirt or a sweater or… well, even a hanky would do, just embroider your and his name inside a little red heart. Beneath that, a kiss leaving your lipstick mark would add to the magic.
    This works when you’re really close. But when you’re really close and still not together, I’d advise to rethink.

    Alter: Did I become too serious there? This close thing is crap, just text him that you like him!


I know my ways were toooooo good. But still there might be some girls who would actually be looking forward to ask a guy out instead of just screwing around. So here’s a nice write up to help them.

In the end, I would like to thank Akanksha for making this second co-authored post with me. Just like last time, it will be hard for her to find out what points she had actually written 😛

Next 4 posts will be co-authored as well, stay tuned and you’re gonna love it 😉

Hello everyone..

 After the 9 step guide to dating was a hit, I was thinking of telling you all some more ways to get into the world of romance. And guess what, i couldn’t think of any! But still, i have to keep the blog running right!
So here I am going to tell you 5 awesome and unique ways to ask a girl out. These ways are NOT copied from the playbook, are working if followed properly, and well, crap!

The best thing about these ways is the uniqueness blended with uselessness!!

So read carefully, and tell me what you liked the most.

Will you..!!!??


As they say dogs are man’s best friend, use it! Buy/rent a dog and make friends with it. Train it in a way that it stops when you command. Now make the dog drink some wine, (or bhang for desi style) and set it after the girl you like.
When she is running for her life, ask her out and stop the dog only when she says yes.

Pros: 100% yes

Cons: don’t overdose the wine or you might have to run for your life!


This one is rather less violent. Here you are going to use cows and maybe buffaloes, depending on the size of their tails. We need cattle with tail sizes around 1-2 feet. Tie them together and make a heart, show it to the girl, she won’t like the mess, but the concept is awesome, trust me!

Pros: she’ll like the uniqueness (given you try it instantly before the public reads my blog)

Cons: farts, tail dirt, cow dung, etc etc..


So we got a little too inclined towards animals didn’t we? So here’s something human. The most awesome and working way. The wingman! Just hire a friend to play a bit for you and go towards the target girl. Let your friend ask her out and fail. You go, spread your charm (if exists) and win.!

Pros: theory of comparison works on girls.

Cons: don’t hire a friend like me, you might never see the girl again!


This one is a bit tricky and expensive. You need to have a band of singers, a romantic place and a cowboy hat. Wear the hat, make them sing and get the girl to the place (she’ll come if u say there are 3 more friends)

Now tell her the friends cancelled and if she would like to go on more of such dates.

As the place and music is romantic, chances are that she’ll say yes. What? You want to know the use of cowboy hat? No, that’s just to make you look funny.!

Pros: She’ll say yes seeing the romance in the air.

Cons: You’re wearing a cowboy hat! And it’s expensive unless you own the band!


Try this, meet her and straight forward ask her out. Be a man and don’t be a loser that you have to read and learn from a blog on how to ask her out. (no offence) this is indeed the best way out there!

Pros and Cons don’t really exist in this one, all depends on your courage!

So i guess i am done, i’d personally recommend way2, i haven’t seen that in practical application so it would be fun seeing a heart made with cow tails!

Good luck 😛


Oh sorry, first the thank you note. I get carried away!! 😐

Anyway, very big thanks from the bottom of my heart for making my previous article “How to identify a Tharki in the crowd” a big hit. It got the maximum shares till date and was featured on some super popular portals as well 😀

So I HAD to come up with a part two, since the last one dealt with Tharki boys and left a question, Can Girls Be Tharki? So here I am answering that. Read on.

While there are almost 50% chances of every guy becoming a Tharki and almost 60% actually are, stats are a little different in girls. The chances are reduced to 40% and quantity to 30. True Story!
Here’s why. The thing is, sex ratio in india favors boys statistically. So girls enjoy the scarcity. In engineering colleges and other similar institutions, amount of girls is almost one fifth of guys. So clearly, chances of desperation and frustration are more in guys. Most of the times, girls with such symptoms are found in girl colleges or colleges with absolutely hopeless guys, aka, many engineering colleges.

Some quick myth busters to tell you what are NOT the symptoms of a Tharki girl.

  • So she sent you a friend request. Think again, it was just a request, not a marriage proposal, she isn’t a Tharki.
  • Ok, she asked for your phone number, so what? She might actually need it! Again, false alarm.
  • She proposed you? Congrats, unless you’re a Justin beiber fan, she ain’t a Tharki.
  • She said she needs a guy to be set up with and has indirectly hit on you many times? OK, this is a true alarm, and beware, because she IS a Tharki!!!

There are many differences between Tharki boys and Tharki girls. While a boy will send desperate messages like I stated in my previous article, a girl won’t do that. Boys can be eve teasers, slang passers and even criminals, girls don’t do that. Girls generally don’t use stuff like “Wil u bcom mah frnds” in their messages!!! And moreover, a girl won’t propose you right away even if she is a Tharki unlike a despo boy.

Always Be mine!!!!

Always Be mine!!!!

So what do this kind of girls do? Nice question. Here’s what.

  • A Tharki girl will always complain of not having a boyfriend. Why she hasn’t one? Simple, she’s a girl and still she is desperate which is NOT normal!! Clearly there’s something that’s keeping guys away.
  • She will not only hit on you but won’t mind talking/going out with other friends of yours.
  • Finding ease in guys’ company is normal for girls, but ONLY in guys’ company!! Tharki alert!!
  • She has been in 10 relationships in last 3 years and proposed 7 guys out of those 10. MAHATHARKI!!!

So now you know how to and how not to identify if a girl is Tharki.
Here are some more tips.

  • While talking to a girl, ask her “What do you think about Raj/Rohit/any mutual friend”
    If her answer is anything like this “Why? You want to set me up with him?” you have stumbled upon a big time Tharki!
  • Tell her that some friend of yours needs her help. If without asking her first sentence is, “Give him my number”, congrats, you found a Tharki.
  • Go to a gift shop and ask her to pick a soft toy. Now this is a long shot and not very accurate, but studies show that if she picks up any superhero instead of cartoon character, she’s a Tharki. (Hey studies show that!!!)

So I guess we are almost to the end, I would again give a gyan tip here.

Every girl is born with a sense of superiority and obsession about her intelligence and looks over the poor world and that’s not common in boys. This is the reason why it is easy to find a Tharki boy while Tharki girls are like salt in flour. Still, you will find many and it becomes even more important to identify them. Lack of demand (While there’s a lot for others), lack of opposite sex (Mainly because of female dominated surroundings) and realization that the first line of this para isn’t actually correct, might lead to formation of a Tharki girl.

So that’s it. This time I didn’t have a co-author since no guy wanted to take part in identifying a Tharki, they were all pissed off about proving them a Tharki with the last article. Still, I hope u liked it, and actually you’ve reached the end so who cares even if you didn’t! 😛

After a long time, another Co-Authored post. Yes people, the bug is back, with one of my most regular readers, Gargi Trehan as my co-author this time. Have a look at the awesome journey she’s had bearing and I’ve had listening about “Tharkis”!

“Hey wassup? I know that you’re tired of people saying, “hiii there, you are cute, you are pretty, i like your smile, i like your eyes and stuff”…. and i can imagine how irritating it can be when someone out of nowhere jumps up and says “DO you wanna be my friend, or can i be your friend” and you feel like, DO i know you. Hence i would definitely not do the same, neither would i ask you to be my friend. All i shall say is why don’t we start a conversation and let friendship develop on it’s on? Ciao!”

So that’s how they talk! Yes, I am talking about the underrated, poor souls commonly known as “Tharkis”(ठरकी) and the word is also called “Lampat” (लम्पट) and “Despo” or “Desperate”. Yes I wrote it in Hindi because it gives a funny feeling reading that 😛

With my experiences, conversations and meetings with girls, I came to know this very interesting fact, that they constantly face such people in life. No matter how good-looking or how sensible the girl is (Which is rare, no offence), tharki people won’t stop hitting on them.

Now the question is, while every guy, one or the other time hits on some girl, every guy has to propose someone in his life, every person can fall in love, then how to identify the Tharki people in the crowd?
Well feel good because the bug has an answer for you.

Please don’t take the image literally 😛
So here are a few points that we came up with to help you identify a tharki.

  • They are generally of 4 levels.
    Level 1: Sophisticated and shy, but will not leave a chance once he’s frank and spam you with texts. Will hit on you with indirect ways and if by accident you tell him you’re single, one proposal your way. 
    Level 2: Might be ill mannered, talks a lot and will create chances to talk. (They also spam)
    Level 3: good thing, they don’t spam. Bad thing, They call!! They might have any of the qualities mentioned above, but it takes them 3 meetings to start hitting on you officially!
    Level 4: Eve teasing, Desperation, Open statuses, and whatever bigger things you can expect, put it there.
  • Every person can fall in love, but that is actually “Love”. If it’s a feeling of “I should have a girlfriend so let’s propose her”, then it’s a Tharki.
  • Obviously you will someday propose someone, but try that on 3 girls every month, and welcome to the world of Tharkis. (even 3 every year is a sign of the same)
  • Instead of being genuine and loving the girl they know, Tharki people try their luck on every girl. Reason: They need a girl, no choices there!
    Say on Facebook, Tharkis send sort of mugged up love letters in addition to friend request to make it sound good (A letter with which I started was a real one)
  • The Facebook Tharkis have a unique feature,  if accidentally their friend request gets accepted, they will religiously like every status of that gal even if it says “I am gonna die soon” and they will also like every other girl’s comment on the same status.
  • Very rightly said, They follow the tagline “bas naam he kaafi h” In case of hitting like button on gals status.
  • They are hardcore fans of Charlie sheen, though Charlie sheen is a Casanova and not a tharki, deep inside his heart, every tharki thinks of himself as Charlie sheen. Not to forget names like barney Stinson and joey tribbiani follow suit!
  • The best thing about Tharki people is their confidence, I just wish every engineer was this confident while giving his placement interview!
    Statistically proving the confidence, a Tharki, on an average, won’t take more than 3.7 minutes to ask for a girl’s phone number in the first chat!

So I guess there were a lot of things to let you know about them, some quick points to test the person on a “Tharki” scale.

  • Make a fake profile with a girl’s name and send him the friend request. If accepted without question, “Tharki”, moreover, if the DP was of some celeb, “MAHATHARKI”
  •  Ask the guy to close his eyes and take the first name (of a girl) that comes to his mind. A waiting time of more than 10 seconds, “Tharki”. A minute, “MAHATHARKI”
    (because there is a whole slideshow running in his mind, the best thing, none of those girls actually is going to be with him!) 
  •  Chat with him with someone else’s number, use a girl’s name and start getting personal. If he takes interest in return, without asking much about you, “Tharki”
  •  For girls: Give him your phone number, “9876543210”. If he tries calling, “Tharki”, if he knows the trick, he’s been a victim, “MAHATHARKI” and if he realizes it in a while, consider it normal and run other tests.

In the end, here is a Gyan Tip:

Remember, every guy in the world is born with a quality, a factor of attraction towards the opposite gender. Now when he feels it’s scarcity around, a fear of remaining single, a doubt on his qualities, all other friends getting committed, and above all, if he’s an engineer, Chances are that he’ll either become a Tharki or a Writer. (Hence
I finish any chances of you calling me the former).

So that’s it, for now, I hope I could impart you some knowledge and make you find out the differences between a genuine guy, a confused guy, a casanova and a Tharki. Once again I thank my Co-Author Gargi Trehan, a talented writer, an awesome guitarist and an intelligent commerce student. She gave me the real time experiences she had with the Tharki class people, which were instrumental in the post. You might want to read her blog GuitarGuruji as well.

PS: i know you want to ask, “Can’t girls be Tharki?” Obviously they can be, we’ll talk about that later 😉

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