Posts Tagged ‘rahul gandhi’

Disclaimer: This is just a representation with no spoilers. The BJP, Congress, AAP and obviously, Game of thrones Fanboys need to read this thing in the right spirit. 

The game of thrones was not new. For decades the songs of the heroics of the brave knights and minds of the smart courtmen were sung. But this time, there was something different, for the throne had never been challenged by so many at once and ruled by someone from a distance.

On one hand, there was The House Bhajpinals, known to give birth to strugglers. The mighty and ferocious warriors who could not stand anything against their religion and clan. Their integrity had been put to various tests but no one in the seven hells could dare to challenge them in their own turf.
On the other hand there was House Gandhions. The family of the royals who had ruled the iron throne for centuries. They were tacticians and strategists. They had a thousand qualities but war skills was not one of them. They were filthy rich and gifted treasurers. Some say that their blood wasn’t pure and that criminals and saints were equally treated in the house. But the world had admired their justice and the equality for one and all.

 

The two houses were the most powerful of the seven, with each having support from Houses across the lands. Their army extended to millions but they never went to war. The Bhajpinals were all always too old to challenge the rulers called Gandhions, the so called protectors of the realm.
Far across the capital, and thousands of miles away from the north lived the House Krejinwal. They were more of a group than a house as history barely had an account of them. The word was that there was no king but all rebels in the house. Some from the north and some from the down south. Some who used to be royal messengers and some who were arch enemies of the mighty Bhajpinals. They were peasants and artisans, knights and khals.
For years the throne was unchallenged, ruled by generations of wise treasurers who pressed all the rebellions and treasons in the territory. But this time the Bhajpinals had power. And more than power, it was the hate and anger in the people for the Gandhions they wanted to use. They had done it before once. The famous general Atalia who had beaten their queen in a battle of sword to claim the throne for a short lived term, was an inspiration to Ser Namo, who was prepared with an army of a hundred million to march upon the capital and reclaim the throne. This time the word was spread to a hundred small kingdoms and out came all to support.

Image courtesy: Indiatimes.

 

The Queen had a prince now. King Ra was no less when it came to decision making. He was just poor with words. But he had the support of the powerful houses like House Rajedian and House Basapians in his favor. The greedy and opportunistic generals of the small houses were taken aback by the sudden March of Ser Namo towards their empires. But the queen had something else in mind. She stood quiet as their mutual enemy, the glorious warrior, Arava of the house Krejinwal, saw the power in Namo and decided to challenge him for a battle; a battle so fierce that it would melt glaciers across the seven seas and keep the winters away for a decade.

The Queen’s plans were great, but the prince’s words backfired and Arava challenged both the houses in the capital and with almost no resources and men, managed to win the first of the many classic wars. He beat Lady Shilaka herself who was known to have served the Gandhions for decades. The Gandhions and Bhajpinals knew that Arava had no power but seeing the rebellious nature they feared their own people might turn against them. They saw Arava’s win as a harbinger for an early storm, fighting which they couldn’t risk as that could mean decline of six houses at once and rise of the people. Namo was kind to people, they loved him and we’re awestruck by his rule in the small city of Gajara. The war was inevitable and the rules were clear. 

The throne was up for the one who had the heart of gold and fists of iron. With malignancy and corruption blinding the capital, a reform was needed. The Prince was coming back to senses but even he knew it was too late. His own generals had lost their respect and power. And then came the day. Namo went out with full vigour and fought Arava in a dual and sent his best man to fight the Queen and the prince. The war went for a month and there was blood all over. People were killed and swords were yielded.

And then, as the sun was about to settle in the west and as the day struck the dusk hour, Namo defeated Arava. He didn’t kill him but left him out to starve. Arava was a fighter who could use that chance but not now. The Gandhions lost everywhere to the Bhajpinals or even their minimalistic generals with barely any power in their hands. The Queen and Prince who won their duals were also captured to be humiliated in open court as the Bhajpinals claim their throne and Namo sets out on his journey to rule the seven kingdoms.

As the houses continue to rule their regions, the Bhajpinals call on the war and win some of other houses’ regions too. Arava waits for the chance to strike back as he knows that the Queen is too weak and the prince, not invincible after all. He has four of his knights in the capital to keep a watch as he prepares for an even bigger war. A war that will go on years and a war so big that birds will sing of its glory for centuries to come.

And Namo begins his rule in the capital with all the ambitious plans in mind. No matter who wins, this Game of Thrones goes on to be unpredictably interesting.

India is my country. All Indians are my brothers and sisters. (and hence I am forever alone.)
See… How concerned I am to defend our pledge from being violated. And not only me, but many people, in fact every Indian citizen is concerned about our national issues. We all want to see our country rise and we constantly keep thinking about what to do for it. Not that we do something, but oh hell… Who does? We at-least think!

So I was thinking what are the real national issues that are bugging us. And as a savior for the poor souls, I am here with a solution! Since I am intelligent, thoughtful, free and kind (and I didn’t have anything better to do).

1. So the first issue that strikes my mind is… When is Sachin Tendulkar going to retire?

Every freaking Indian is concerned about this. How the hell can this guy play at 39. He is too old. People can run a country at 80, but they should not, in any condition, play cricket at 40.
So I have the answer. He is going to retire soon. Just that he has this one condition. He’ll retire the day Mumbai Indians beats Chennai Superkings in an IPL knockout match. So… umm… I am not really hopeful with this.

2. This might be the oldest issue around. Even older then Sharad Panwar!
When will Salman Khan get married?
We Indians cant see a guy happy, can we?
The answer to this is simple. Why would he get married. All you get after marriage, he has it already, plus no disadvantages since he is technically single! So in case you were delaying your marriage just because you waited for Salman, cut it, you’re overage anyway.
3. Is Narendra Modi the next PM? Or is it Rahul Gandhi?

Frankly, do you really care? What you really should be worried about is that, how many times is Hina Rabbani going to visit our country this year! 😉

4. Next thing that bugs every Indian out there is this one girl. When, in the real world, will Poonam Pandey strip!?

No no, don’t look here and there, you read my blog alone anyway to save yourself from the embarrassment after being caught.
So, let me answer this with a question. Have you heard about the love and the cookie theory?

Just assume there is a button that says push to get a cookie. But a bird shits on you when you push. Would you push it again? Yes, coz you’re hopeful you’ll get a cookie. This happens 99 times until the 100th time when you actually get the cookie and even though you’re covered in shit, you’re happy. That cookie is love!

Coming back, consider Poonam Pandey’s striptease that cookie. Stay calm, you’ll get it. Till then, tackle the shit.

Credits: Some blog :P

Credits: Some blog 😛

5. I’ve seen people getting worried about a lot of things. Their job is in danger, the wife threatens to leave home everyday (and never actually does), their children won’t listen to them and the landlord can throw them out anytime… but the real problem for them is, “Will Ram Kapoor get his fortune back?”. (If you don’t know what I am talking about, please google ‘Bade Achhe Lagte hain’)
Just wait for probably 500 more episodes and you might get the answer.

(And to read how Ekta Kapoor and people like her are destroying Indian television, please read The sas bahu saga of India.

 

When we have so much to think, we probably divert ourselves by thinking on these issues and giving out lame solutions that no one really cares about. The strange and probably ironical fact is, by keeping these things in headlines, we not only encourage them, we also avoid what should actually be the real news.

So I’d end by saying this, instead of worrying about the winner of Nach Baliye and Big Boss, please do a little brainstorming on how to save petrol, maybe that will help you!

Keep reading 🙂

It’s been quite a long time I posted anything. And I am not proud of that. But I am happy that I have a lot of people noticing the same. While I could have written about the gangrape case, nirmal baba, indian cricket team, the army issue and a thousand other trending topics, I chose the republic day to be the topic for my return.

It’s quite surprising to see the turn of events. We used to say happy republic day in the past, now we have coined the terms ‘ghantatantra’, ‘peepublic’, and ‘the monarchy’ day. Believe me, facebook is full of creative minds.

I also share the views, where we mock our weak government, joke about the policies and condemn the decision makers. But at the same time I think, how does everyone get the right to speak on something they don’t even have a clue about?

Yummy republic day!

India is a republic, we have the right to speak. That everyone knows, but what about the things we can do? What about the part where you have to think and analyse what you speak.

Recently Rahul Gandhi was made the VP of Congress. I saw over a thousand tweets and a hundred Facebook statuses rejecting the motion. And ironically, most of them were by the people who have no interest in politics (visible from there Facebook info.)

No offence meant, but it includes even those who can’t even speak properly when the interviewer asks ‘tell me about yourself’, how can they decide if Rahul Gandhi is a good leader or not?

Not supporting him, infact to remove any misconception, he sucks, it was probably the worse decision of all times. But what I imply is, if you can’t ‘be’ the change, don’t mock the change.

A lot of people had been criticizing Dhoni for being a bad captain and losing throoughout. One century, one last ball six and they are his biggest fans. I wonder if Manmohan Singh announces an increament in Dearness allowance, will they become his fan too.

Lot of random talks, coming to the point. India is our country, the 1.2 billion people here are Indian and hence related to us. We have a lot of good things to be proud of. If you can’t help the country by going out and doing the right thing, you don’t get to decide what’s the right thing as well. If we’re here only to talk, why not talk good stuff and atleast let those who are doing that feel appreciated.

If Anna does a fast, we have an issue, Amir does Satyamev Jayate, we say it’s a propoganda. If Kejriwal says I’ll join politics, we say he is corrupt. If a girl gets gangraped, we make a fanpage of her!

India recently test fired it’s supersonic missile in november, not many people have an idea about that. In olympics, India won so much, all it could create was a facebook fanpage and a twitter trend. I won’t give stats, but just google the things like Mr. Godrej, TeachForIndia, The boson, agni V, top 10 women achievers, the oscars and the literary awards… You’ll get an idea what it is to be an Indian.

I don’t want you to rise up and make the change, fight the evil, do some devouring stuff. No no.. You’re good sitting there… Looking really sweet. But while you’re at it, munch some popcorns and tweet about the right stuff.

Oh, happy republic day. Promotion is my right, so do buy my book ‘My EX Fell In Love’ on all the online stores. Check it out here, http://www.bit.ly/booklinks , http://www.bit.ly/booklandmark and http://www.bit.ly/bookgoodreads . Have a great time. Jai hind. 🙂

Hello guys, you have no idea how good I am feeling updating this blog. Recently I did a few experiments with my writing. While the new style of fake interviews was highly appreciated (in conversation with), the foodie post got mixed reactions (Paneer Sizzler). Also my not so usual Birthday post managed to grab good comments from all J

I promise I’ll continue them, but in order to make my regular readers laugh like hell, this one is going to be an old classic. My take on politics with a tinge of sarcasm along with my co-author and sarcasm king Anil Sharma. This is my second co-authored post with him. And since then, both of us have come a long way. I completed my first novel and he made a hattrick of award winning blog posts!! Cool eh! 😀

Moving on, you all know Pranab Mukherjee is the new president right? This was probably the most discussed matter recently. A lot more popular than hina rabbani’s country visit and just a little less than Rajinikanth.

So here are a few things we both came up with, about Indian presidential elections and of course, our presidents!

  • After Pranab da became the president, Pratibha Patil was so good that she stayed at the Rashtrapati Bhawan on her last day as the president when she could have visited Nepal twice easily.
  • After Pranab Da’s nomination for the President, Manmohan Singh became the first ever silent FM.
  • Err… is it everyone or just me noticing that Manmohan ji is the 13th PM of india while Pranab da is the 13th President? Omen much?
  • Now we have three very important leaders from UPA:

Sonia Gandhi with an Italian accent.

Pranab Da with an unidentified accent.

And Manmohan Singh with ….Well…!

  • So how many of you actually think Pranab da could win Indian idol? Well he is versatile, having experienced all kinds of indian ministries. He follows whatever the judges say (you know who). And he can sing (on the tune of you know who!)
  • Funny thing happened in my phone, while I typed PRANAB, autocorrect changed it to PRANK, probably that’s why it is called a Smartphone!
  • In other news, Vijay Malaya is now on hunger strike. He says the only reason his company was still running was Pratibha patil!
  • That reminds me, Just like A.P.J Abdul Kalam, Pratibha also left the president house with only two bags. Err… One full of boarding passes and another full of electricity bills.
  • Though I sincerely want every Indian to respect the post of President, but that is post this president!
  • When some of our faking news correspondents asked some popular people about this, here are their replies.
    • Winner of Roadies: This news of new president is quite shocking for me. Just when I memorized the name of our president (Pratibha Patil), they replaced her.
    • Rahul Gandhi: Jeete Pranab or PA sangama, this is wrong!!
    • All the death sentenced criminals: We’re disappointed with this, our lives are in danger now!!
    • Shahrukh Khan: Is the president supposed to lift your ban on entering inside any stadium?
    • Aamir Khan: Please send your precious votes to us and public will decide if the election was correct!
    • Sachin Tendulkar: What are you asking me for? I even made the 100th ton damnit!
    • Chunkey Pandey: He didn’t really comment, though he did give us a free dinner for considering him popular.

 

 

Since now we have our president with us, and all we can do is to expect him to be a little attentive towards national matters (and mock him like everyone else). Still, I strongly believe that P.Chidamabaram could have been a better choice for this job, his dressing style is quite similar to the earlier president Pratibha Patil.

And since PA Sangama didn’t win, we have a new job for him. Quite matching to his name!

On a serious note, I wish all the luck… to the Indian public, after all they will have to hear Pranab Da on every Republic Day eve!

And to those who ACTUALLY think this is going to be good for our country and are really pissed off at this blog post right now, I can’t help but crack one more joke right now! 😛

Pranab: Any precious advice before you leave ma’am?

Pratibha: Yes, always use makemytrip.com, they are good. Yatra.com just sucks.

And for the few who are laughing, you know why Pranab Mukherjee is an important person? Because he is PraMukh!!

So this is it, I hope you all enjoyed, in case you didn’t, feel free to send your criticism for Anil as he is responsible for all the (bad) jokes in this article. And yes, don’t forget to take my autograph when you meet me, who knows if I’ll be the 21st Indian president!

Err… don’t forget to visit Anil’s blog FuddledAndPuzzled, he’s on a roll!! 😀