Disclaimer: All the things I have ever talked about on this blog, I really mean them. In case I have knowingly and on purpose hurt anyone’s feelings, I am really sorry for your poor luck and bad hairstyle (yeah I just felt like adding that.)
Well hello people! You know today’s a special day now don’t you? I turn two today. *Claps* *Birthday songs* *Cheers* Thank you thank you. So I was talking to one of my friends and he told me that the blog is about humor and I have not been writing on that for a long time now. So I thought why not get back to the old track on the special day? So here it is, an article to help every poor soul on this earth (AKA: FriendZoned guys).
This one tells you, how to know if it’s really a date or not. (And how not to panic if it really is!). So you like her. Hang out with her. She likes you too, as a ‘friend’! How merciless and heart wrenching, is it? But there is 0.341% chance that you can still get a girl who isn’t going to put you in the friendzone, ok, 0.0341%, but don’t be sad, chance is still there right! Just read this.
How often does that happen? You and her, chatting up as usual, laughing and all when all of a sudden you drop in the idea of ‘watching the man of steel show together’ or maybe ‘trying the new double cheese pizza by dominos’ and to your surprise, without a slight delay she says yes. Now that puts you in doubt, is it a date? For you it is, but is it for her? Situation is even worse when she asked you out and you have no friggin idea if that was ‘asking out’ or asking out (you know the difference, right?).
- Study the place you guys will be going to. See, saying yes to a ‘man of steel’ show is like accepting your friend request on a social network, not your proposal. It just means she likes Superman, not you. Also applies to Batman, Spiderman and any other man with superpowers. (Not the Indian Ra.One, Marry her if she is ready to watch that with you!)
- So it is a movie, but you are going to have a pizza too after that. Now that tells something, doesn’t it? Yeah… her taste in good food! You bozo! What kind of a girl would go for a pizza on her first date? (The cool one, I know, but since she is going out with you, we’ve already established she is insane.)
- To know for sure she is not into you, you could try some advanced ways. Try asking her to choose a shirt for you to buy. Now a not so close one would be trying to avoid that. A too close ‘friend’ would mock you for your bad choice and then go ahead and choose some. And the kind you want, ‘close’ in a different way, would be ready to choose, but not vehemently and would go for formal wear (Mark… My… MWords.)
- While many guys find it attractive, I find it extremely anti-feminist that the guy has to pay. But yeah, she went out with you and you had to pay means three cases.
A: She didn’t offer. : Either a great friend or a freeloader, my money is on latter, a phrase which btw, would never be said by her.
B: She offered and you rejected but she insisted hard and then settled for ‘she pays the next time’. : You sir, are SuperStupendousOutrageouslyFriendZoned. Ask yourself, do you WANT a next time?
C: She offered so sheepishly that you had to say no and pay. : She is the one, man! She is the one!
5. While watching a movie together with a friend is followed by some casual remarks and a normal bye, a date like this is generally followed by awkward silence, random chat and super awkward moments where you lead for a hug and she expects a handshake (even worse when you were going for a kiss.. what.. no.. never happened with me, just saying… what? no..! you suck!).
What I am saying is, just sense what she is going for and if it is anything more than a handshake and she says ‘call me’, she is definitely in!
6. Just call her and tell her you really liked it and would like to do it again. There can be a few possible replies.
A. Really, same movie, again! (She isn’t into you, she is funny, give me her number!)
B. Sure, but this time with our dates. (Got it? Go bang your head now.)
C. Not really, I got bored. (She is… well do I need to spoon feed thou?)
D. Ah, yeah why not. This time you chose the place. (Highly unlikely, and I only said this to cover everything. But yeah, you scored!)
7 . If aforementioned ways weren’t enough, ask her directly. Although I’d recommend some witnesses and at least one protective gear while you do that.
That’s it. Like those? Did you now…? really? Well, in case you did then don’t forget to leave a comment. In case you didn’t, leave one anyway, you wasted quite a lot of time coming all the way till here.
Once again, happy birthday to me and to the launch of Apollo XI, the thing that put Neil Armstrong on moon if you remember. This was post number 74 , and the blog has now crossed over 55,000 views. Thank you 😀