Posts Tagged ‘birthday’

Disclaimer: All the things I have ever talked about on this blog, I really mean them. In case I have knowingly and on purpose hurt anyone’s feelings, I am really sorry for your poor luck and bad hairstyle (yeah I just felt like adding that.)

Well hello people! You know today’s a special day now don’t you? I turn two today. *Claps* *Birthday songs* *Cheers* Thank you thank you. So I was talking to one of my friends and he told me that the blog is about humor and I have not been writing on that for a long time now. So I thought why not get back to the old track on the special day? So here it is, an article to help every poor soul on this earth (AKA: FriendZoned guys).

This one tells you, how to know if it’s really a date or not. (And how not to panic if it really is!). So you like her. Hang out with her. She likes you too, as a ‘friend’! How merciless and heart wrenching, is it? But there is 0.341% chance that you can still get a girl who isn’t going to put you in the friendzone, ok, 0.0341%, but don’t be sad, chance is still there right! Just read this.

How often does that happen? You and her, chatting up as usual, laughing and all when all of a sudden you drop in the idea of ‘watching the man of steel show together’ or maybe ‘trying the new double cheese pizza by dominos’ and to your surprise, without a slight delay she says yes. Now that puts you in doubt, is it a date? For you it is, but is it for her? Situation is even worse when she asked you out and you have no friggin idea if that was ‘asking out’ or asking out (you know the difference, right?).

i-dont-always-flirt-when-i-do-i-get-friendzoned

  1. Study the place you guys will be going to. See, saying yes to a ‘man of steel’ show is like accepting your friend request on a social network, not your proposal. It just means she likes Superman, not you. Also applies to Batman, Spiderman and any other man with superpowers. (Not the Indian Ra.One, Marry her if she is ready to watch that with you!)
  2.  So it is a movie, but you are going to have a pizza too after that. Now that tells something, doesn’t it? Yeah… her taste in good food! You bozo! What kind of a girl would go for a pizza on her first date? (The cool one, I know, but since she is going out with you, we’ve already established she is insane.)
  3. To know for sure she is not into you, you could try some advanced ways. Try asking her to choose a shirt for you to buy. Now a not so close one would be trying to avoid that. A too close ‘friend’ would mock you for your bad choice and then go ahead and choose some. And the kind you want, ‘close’ in a different way, would be ready to choose, but not vehemently and would go for formal wear (Mark… My… MWords.)
  4. While many guys find it attractive, I find it extremely anti-feminist that the guy has to pay. But yeah, she went out with you and you had to pay means three cases.

A:  She didn’t offer. : Either a great friend or a freeloader, my money is on latter, a phrase which btw, would never be said by her.

B: She offered and you rejected but she insisted hard and then settled for ‘she pays the next time’. : You sir, are SuperStupendousOutrageouslyFriendZoned. Ask yourself, do you WANT a next time?

C: She offered so sheepishly that you had to say no and pay. : She is the one, man! She is the one!

5. While watching a movie together with a friend is followed by some casual remarks and a normal bye, a date like this is generally followed by awkward silence, random chat and super awkward moments where you lead for a hug and she expects a handshake (even worse when you were going for a kiss.. what.. no.. never happened with me, just saying… what? no..! you suck!).

What I am saying is, just sense what she is going for and if it is anything more than a handshake and she says ‘call me’, she is definitely in!

 

6. Just call her and tell her you really liked it and would like to do it again. There can be a few possible replies.

  • Like:

A. Really, same movie, again! (She isn’t into you, she is funny, give me her number!)

B. Sure, but this time with our dates. (Got it? Go bang your head now.)

C. Not really, I got bored. (She is… well do I need to spoon feed thou?)

D. Ah, yeah why not. This time you chose the place. (Highly unlikely, and I only said this to cover everything. But yeah, you scored!)

Confused-guy

           7 . If aforementioned ways weren’t enough, ask her directly. Although I’d recommend some witnesses and at least one protective gear while you do that.

That’s it. Like those? Did you now…? really? Well, in case you did then don’t forget to leave a comment. In case you didn’t, leave one anyway, you wasted quite a lot of time coming all the way till here.

Once again, happy birthday to me and to the launch of Apollo XI, the thing that put Neil Armstrong on moon if you remember. This was post number 74 , and the blog has now crossed over 55,000 views. Thank you 😀

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You… yes… you! I am talking to you bozo! Where do you think you are going? Just because I didn’t write anything funny for a month, you think you can just unsubscribe! Not that easy buttercup.

And because you had such a lame idea of moving away from this blog, not only I spammed you and brought you back, I’ll also make sure you read this another post filled up of my useless experience and aimless sarcasm.
Also, I heard that while no updates were here, guys were actually able to go on perfect dates… now we can’t let that happen, can we?!

We all love gifts. Girls, to be specific, love gifts on every occasion… like their birthdays, results, first meeting anniversaries, marriage anniversaries, their pet’s birthday, cousin’s marriage, when they look good (to appreciate), when they are not looking good (to cheer up), when they feel good (to celebrate), when they’re not feeling good (to make them feel good) etc. etc. etc.

This post is about choosing a gift. Since ages man has struggled to choose the perfect gift for his dream girl… or well… any girl for that matter.  All this started when Adam chose the first wrong gift for Eve, the apple. And the humanity came into existence after that! Since then, he sometimes gifted a stone and sometimes a wheel, sometimes a radio and sometimes some junk of steel. But women! Will they ever know how important these things actually were! All they could see was how ugly those things were.

All in all, the world has developed and so has man… umm… a little bit. So we now understand what women want (Or at least we pretend we do). So how should we choose a gift? Let’s start with your girlfriend. (Imagine one; I know you don’t have it in real.)

You know every girl has that one guy who she loved but could never get. And one guy who was crazy about her and could never get her. And then there’s you who accidentally slipped a text saying I love you to her instead of her hot friend who you actually aimed for. Well, while the first guy is the lucky one, our aim is to find the second guy.
You know him? Brilliant!
Catch him and ask him what he would give to her as a present.
Make a list of everything he says. Congrats, you now have a list you can cut off from the options.  Well there was a reason he couldn’t get her, wasn’t there!

Next up: Find a shop. Cosmetics is the easiest way to go, so dig a little deeper, do some research, consult some female friends, watch some ads and well… buy the product that is displayed on the poster outside the mall. This isn’t your final gift, this is to accompany the major one in case she gets pissed off at that, which, let’s face it, she will.

Now, major gift. We have many options. Dedicating a poem, making a scrapbook, singing a song or making a mix tape of her favorite songs, this is what you do when you’re broke and she’s mad about you. Otherwise go the classic way, shed some bucks!

In that category, we put the gifts that wealthy people give. Like, throwing her a surprise party (this way you’ll also get to talk privately to the hot friend), giving her a day off in a luxury spa or maybe giving her treat at the best restaurant of the city.

Now here’s where I come to your rescue. Now who wants to spend money when there is an easy way out! Since ages, man has ignored one fact that every woman knows about him, that he is stupid when it comes to understanding women. He can be a rocket scientist, a top-notch percussionist, a world-famous writer or maybe a gold medalist athlete, but he is stupid. And we don’t have to be embarrassed about that, because frankly, who has even tried!

So when you don’t understand her, you won’t obviously know what kind of food she will prefer on her b’day night or what friends she’d like to invite in her birthday party. Now here are two ways to get that done.

1)      The hard work: This is the one you’re gonna say you used. Here you talk to her for an hour daily, make a list of her favorite things and her best friends, ask her every freaking detail about her choices and obviously, getting her a mix tape of her favorite songs. (What’s with girls and Enrique I’ll never know, right!?)

2)      The hot friend: This is the one you’re actually gonna use. Remember everything you had to do? Just make a list and ask her hottest (and the best) friend to do the honors. You just make the tape and get the credit.

Some pointers here. You see every group of girls has that one hot girl on whom everyone tries his luck. And we all know your girlfriend ain’t that girl. So if you have trouble finding the best hot friend, either you are with her (Which is not possible) or this group doesn’t have that girl (in that case, you’re a moron and I forbid you from reading further!)

To all the girls who are mad at me, isn’t this girl cute? 😀

If in case you forgot to think of a gift well before the occasion, do one of these things. Open any collage making software, find 4-8 pictures of her and scramble them on a mushy background. Decorate it with some stars, bells, maybe a santa hat and get it printed. Stick a chocolate above, good to go!

In case you have to wish belated. Get ready with a 20 minute long speech of why you could not wish her on time since your very important interview and bad health struck at the same time. And then with the aforementioned gift, stick a sorry card and one “best girlfriend” card too.

Girls, who have been wondering that how none of this post was true and how they don’t like gifts this way and how feelings matter more and how they’d prefer a simple message over an expensive necklace, I whole heartily apologize for spreading such nonsense, but this will get you better gifts from now on.

Anyway, this post is over, as you all know I am a published author now. This Tuesday you’ll get to see my book online. Do buy it, though I won’t recommend gifting that to your partner 😉

Every day in the world has something special about it. But there are a few dates which are extremely special. So when I thought about making a blog, I had to decide a date to start it.
I did some brainstorming, some discussions, some reasoning, a little calculation and ultimately chose the date when I was free. 😛

It was 16th of July last year; a random thought of telling people what I think converted my Facebook statuses to a blog. I had been blogging for a year before that but that was for commercial and official purposes. This was MY blog. Something where I don’t have to worry what I post. Only after making the blog I realized the significance of the date.

16 July, a date when the Apollo 11 was launched with Neil Armstrong inside it. A date when Shaun Pollock, Katrina kaif, Aruna asaf ali and the Iraqi constitution was born!! Not at all bad huh!

The blog wasn’t named ABugInMyMind initially. It was first named NowThatsCrap. But then I shifted the word to its title and it became Crap REloaded!!! At first I posted nothing but my old jokes… for a month no one knew about the blog except for 1-2 people. But then through the blog, my first post at at Faking News forums and then NewsThatMattersNot got published.

Since then, the blog has come a long way.  I don’t give much importance to page views (21,000 Ahem 😛 ) but apart from that, statistically speaking:

51 posts, 45,000+ words, total of 350+ Facebook shares, 1000+ twitter mentions, over 4000 Facebook likes, exactly 100 WordPress likes, 50+ WordPress followers and over 250 total followers, daily 50+ Google search results and over 100 mentions on different websites are not bad.
The bug also won many awards in which most noticeable are the two Spicy Saturday picks by blogadda. Check this page out for more: Hall of Fame.

But above all this is what I got personally from this writing… Courage to tell the world what I feel, to be confident enough to write my own book and to finally have found my passion!

Special thanks to my friend Mona for designing this pic 🙂

So this is a thank you to all my readers for making this something I could be happy about.

The bug’s Fanpage has over 400 fans on Facebook. Plus the messages I keep receiving regarding it and the excitement and response I get when I ask for a co-authored blog post is uncanny.

If I start taking the names of people who have been with me in this journey, it will take ages to finish this post. But here are a few who have always shown their love via their comments. My blog’s top 5 comment makers: Smita Ojha, Tripti Goel, Gargi Trehan, Aayush Agarwal, Pragya Vedprakash.
I can’t describe the love I have received from the Indiblogger family in form of their indivine votes and comments. Few bloggers like Deepak, Saru, Pramod, Seena, Akshay, Debjyoti have been my inspiration, while I have always felt competition from the bloggers like Anil, Soumya and Rahul.

There are almost 50 more names that I could say who have always read my posts, shared their views, liked and sometimes criticized and have been the true readers… but I think all of them know their place and importance so I am confident it’s not going to make a difference. So I’d just thank my Co-Authors till date… Akanksha (My first co-author), Gargi Trehan, Anil Sharma, Ashish Jhanwar, Shubham Khandelwal, Shailesh Yadav. You can check all the posts here.

Oh my god did I just make it like an award acceptance speech for no reason? Well, that’s what happens to a person who has nothing better to do. So here’s one promise, I’ll keep writing. Crap as I say. And in case you don’t like it, feel free to make me better with your comments. It’s time to eat the cake I have bought.

And for those who plan to read my posts in future, I have some new kinds of posts in line. The very famous “In Conversation With” category… The “What to do if:” category and the all-time favorite “How to” guides. Plus I have been trying my hands in short story writing and 55-Fiction. Let’s see if you like that or not.

In the end, here are some interesting posts you might like:

Best poem of the blog

Most liked post

Most shared post

Personal favorite

Now let me go have my cake, you can have a virtual piece too 😀

The Delicious Cake 😀

 

PS: Those who couldn’t find their names in there, high time to start commenting 😛

Hello all, you know the blog is famous right? 😛

 Yesterday a strange thing happened, I received an email which didn’t say anything except for the subject line “Open the attachment in a cool and dry place”. Obviously I opened it and found this letter that I am sharing with you all. It’s a letter from Rajinikanth, containing a few myth busters about him. Since what follows is said by him, Do Believe it!!! (Even if it’s not about him 😛 )

Read on:

So they are on again!! These kids I tell you, they just keep on blabbering about me.
Oh Hi..!! I am Rajinikanth… It’s my birthday and I am crying… And why shouldn’t i? Do you think I like all those jokes being made on me? They have made me a superhero!
And I am bored now! When I asked Zuckie to make Facebook, a thousand posts daily about me wasn’t something I wanted. And moreover, most of them are false, they don’t contain any truth about me.
Anyway, it’s my birthday, so I thought, why not tell you a few myths about me through this super awesome and cool blog read by over 100 people. Before you move on, pardon my poor English, Oxford dictionary will soon be updating its database with mine.

Well… To start with, they say “I was playing cricket, I hit a six and the ball was lost. Since then it’s known as the planet Pluto!!”
Ridiculous!!  Pluto was not formed when I was playing cricket… it was a game of shot-put and I am ashamed that I fouled so it remained in the same galaxy!! Stop embarrassing me people!!

Next thing I heard was, My school time notes are today known as Wikipedia!!
I wonder why someone would spread such a stupid rumour about me. Is that even possible! Wikipedia is the result of what I used to scribble on my house walls when I was 4!! My high school notes are confidential. (The US govt. didn’t want the theory of relativity to be proven wrong!)

I don’t like it when people don’t get their facts right. They say After Graham Bell invented the telephone, he got two missed calls from me”.
What are you thinking? I didn’t give the miss calls? Oh no… but do you really think RAJINIKANTH would give MISS calls! Those were proper rings which his deaf wife didn’t hear!!

This is just a start, I am also frustrated by the fact that people think I rotate the earth!!”
NO!!! I just angrily pushed it once!! Rest is all Galileo’s concept. It’s like they don’t even know the basic science!! Idiots!

One thing which I always feel bad about, is the never ending comparison. They all say, all Rajinikanth jokes are inspired from chuck Norris. And some also ask “Who will win if there’s a fight between Rajinikanth and chuck?”
Frankly, I don’t want to answer that. You tell me, how you would feel if you had a kid whom you taught everything and now people start comparing you to him!

You… why are you looking back?  I am talking to you!! You tell me, is it right if people say you’re a filthy loser who is pointless about his own life? I mean, I know it is correct but you won’t feel good if someone says that on your face right? So my situation is kinda similar!

When people say things like “Only Rajinikanth can count the number of stars” and “Rajinikanth doesn’t need a visa to travel abroad, he just jumps from the tallest building in Chennai and holds himself in the air while the earth rotates”  I take it as a personal insult! Why would people say that!! Even if it’s true, this is not something I am proud of. Do you know while travelling back to India when I jumped from the tower of Pisa, it bent due to my weight! Please stop referring to such incidents, it’s humiliating!!

Well… this is just a glimpse of what terrible things people say about me! You can always Google for more of my jokes, though I would recommend not to because Google also updates its database from my diary!

Rajini Facts

I hope you now know what I am actually. On a serious note, I am a Tamil actor/writer who has won 36 awards as a star. Though everyone seems to know that I can turn black holes to white, no one might know that I won a Padma Bhushan for my contribution to the film industry.
For all those who are still looking for humour in the post, I don’t know the two people who shake hands in the nokia mobile and for heaven’s sake don’t ask me the Victoria’s Secret!!!!

So the next time someone asks me anything about that, I’ll kill him by a wink!!!

PS: I also don’t have any idea why this kolaveri di!!

PPS: This blog is awesome!

A note from the author:

It’s been 12 days since I brought the last post, though I have no idea why someone would like this but I guess Rajinikanth is there, I’ll get record hits anyway. Since the letter is by Rajinikanth, do believe all things he said, including those about the blog 😛

 

<Updated>
I got record hits on the post as expected 😀
See the post on http://blog.thewittyshit.com/2011/12/16/a-letter-from-rajinikanth-birthday-special/ as well 🙂

 

Don’t remember how much, but it’s been long I guess…
The day I “liked” a page, uninformed of the future beholding a great success…
I never knew being funny could make me famous, but to the wheel of my talent this platform gave a shaft…
The journey has been awesome on this WitCraft!

TWS

Sometimes it was logical, sometimes plain mad…
Can’t forget those long threads and the immense fun we had…
In the midst of this all we made many friends, to which the page acted like a graft,
The journey has been awesome on this WitCraft!

Not only fun, but professionalism I learned…
with the knowledge and the creativity, there was a lot more we earned…
Never thought I’ll be known as a writer, and people will wait for something which is just a draft,
The journey has been awesome on this WitCraft!

There is something about us that binds us together…
Some are good with one liners, some can write stories, some do all, while a few just enjoy yaha ka weather…  😛
It’s a combination of engineers and the normal humans and of course, swami Wityanand with whom we all laughed…
The journey has been awesome on this WitCraft!

Just wished to write what I felt, didn’t expect to go that long…
It’s a platform that made me realize my passion and to what I belong…
Next thing I say is obvious for here, you are made for this, if originality is your tool and Wit is your haft…
Just join us with a tinge of your wit, and believe me, the journey will be awesome on this WitCraft!

TWS Logo

I might not be very good at poems, just wanted to thank TheWittyShit.com, so I took a long shot…
Remember you guys, I owe you a lot.
(And you do the same to me for some awesome ideas I keep giving you 😛 )

  Happy Birth Day TWS!!! 😀 😀

21st It Was!!

Posted: November 4, 2011 in In The Bug's Mind
Tags: , , ,

Sometimes you expect too much from life and you don’t get it… sometimes you get what you didn’t even expect…

latter has been my case most of the time… but I give its credit to my attitude of never expecting too much and trying for the best… Works for me!

This blog post is not something I wished I would post on a blog, but now I want to, coz this is more like a dedication to my friends, who gave me surprises all the day and decorated my day with joys.

B’days have always been there, before this one I had celebrated 20 of them! But why this one was special… simple… it was the 21st!!! An age where everything is legal..
Internationally allowed to drink liquor, allowed to get married legally and many more things… were off my chart 😛
but 21 has always been my favourite number and getting to 21 on 21 was no less than a dream! 😛

So I thought what I can do to make this day special for me… I know I am good at making the b’days special for others but when it comes to me.. Well what can I do… can’t throw myself a surprise party right! 😛 and frankly, over the last twenty years, never got a surprise party so it was kinda tough to expect as well.

The day before was filled of dilemmas… confused about the party place, sad that my best friends might not be able to attend it, afraid of the b’day boms and happy about the fact that it was near..!!

Made a rough sketch and decided a place and invited a few friends who Facebook calls my “Close Friends” . Was still not convinced that it’s enough.  Many of my good friends out of town and many not sure about their presence in town on the date!

But anyhow.. Planning proceeded and day went by and came the time when everybody who was close to me was observing the clock so that they can make a call the moment it struck 12!  Some even called at 11.30 itself… though how good that felt can’t be described. As usual, race for the 12’ o clock timing was won by my sis who has always been punctual enough with this thing. But this tym, thanks to my 2 other phones, two more friends got that chance 😀

But the real surprise awaited outside… the doorbell rang and I thought who it can be!
Trying to hold the phones in both the hands I ran towards the gate, where I see Mitin… my childhood best friend holding a cake and saying happy birthday. I couldn’t believe my eyes as he was the same friend who said I won’t be able to attend your party. Before I could welcome him in, as I got hold of the cake, 4 more of my closest friends, divanshu, shubham, ankur and ashish came in. Surprising as most of them live 5-10 kms from my home and it was 12 midnight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before I could understand what the whole thing was, I could see the phone blinking and flashing “32 unread messages” All will be of happy birthday, I guessed and left the phone aside, but my phone addiction wasn’t hidden from the friends who made sure that the battery was now disconnected! And we all went in the Porch to make sure no one was disturbed while we continued. As I cut the cake and gave the first piece to my mom, friends were ready with their bits to decorate me… after a face painting marathon, started the kick ass ceremony. Needless to mention, I could barely walk after the first 10 but still the 21st kick gave some sort of joy to me 😀

It was almost 2 in the night when I said bye to them and thanking for the most amazing start I ever had on a b’day given that I had my family in it and I’ve not been a hostler ever.  I came back and saw around 30 missed calls alerts and whoa! Countless messages. Feeling glad, I started replying to them all.
It was just a start. We decided the time and place for party, a lounge where none of us had been earlier. As I prepared myself for some more beating and party time, I kept getting calls. Surprisingly, for the first time, got a call from many people I never expected. Getting around 200 wishes on Facebook and people who I didn’t expect, dedicating hugs and cakes to me! It all made me think like “is it just me or the destiny actually wishes this day to be better than ever before”

As it went on, I got a call, and then excited, I ran for an emergency party with a few friends few of who had to leave for home afterwards… and boy!! Can anyone eat a chicken burger faster than Ajeeta Banarjee!!
Some good friends who couldn’t meet me, wished me on phone… but the most surprising calls were from my childhood friends from school (as most of them didn’t even have my number) and other than swati, kalpesh, megha, rajat, shefali, manisha and akash… two people who I would mention here, “Tarun” and “Abhishek”  my two so-called very good friends whose calls made me think “They do have outgoing activated!”

Amidst the numerous calls messages and wall posts, all in my mind was “I shouldn’t be late in my own party” as it was a part of my habits and hence reached only 45 minutes after the decided time 😛

All my best buds waiting there for me and another surprise, an awesome card made by an awesome friend “mona”.

I wasn’t even done admiring that when I get two text messages. Surprisingly both of them contained a gift for me. While one was a little poem dedicated to me by “Pragya” the other one was an instruction to check my mail where I found another poem made by “Shubham”
I somehow managed to get emotional at that part, reason, even though I have made and dedicated 100s of poems, this was the first time someone dedicated one to me (strange but true 😛 )

This is the poem as you can see above, the one by shubham was a Ppt, you need to go here to check that out..  http://www.slideshare.net/awesomeshubham/happy-birthday-a-gift-by-shubham-khandelwal?from=ss_embed

Till now, the celebration was almost over and we had already made the day the best ever! But yet I was feeling a little incomplete. “It’s the 21st and I need to do something unexpected” I thought (dont know why i was stuck on that)… and all of a sudden my mind worked (rare case) and a thought occurred to me “How about a trip to delhi…” As I had already talked about it to many of my friends and wasn’t really doing anything the next couple of days, so I asked my friends about that and to my surprise, even they were ready. So at 11 we decide to leave for delhi the next morning at 7. And the whole night went on in packing and booking the tickets.

And even after returning from an amazing Delhi trip, I got another surprise party at home…

Didn’t expect b’day night to go like that but it was freaking awesome!
And oh… the traffic dept loves me, I got a challan on my b’day too while returning home 😛

Many people I knew, forgot the day… many of my friends didn’t fulfil my hopes… but those who were there with me made the day unforgettable… and what else do you expect from life.