See the language… Mr. …!!

 “Hello… I am older than all of you, I was born when people wanted to communicate. I am gentle, I am smooth, sophisticated and easy, above all. But people these days hate me. They cut me, play with me and kill me. It’s a humble request. Please don’t do that.” 

Yours sincerely,
English language.
PS: Do read this blog, it’s awesome!”

That was an email I found in my inbox yesterday. Well I have received a letter from Rajinikanth before, this is nothing.  So why this letter? Read on.

“Yesterday ma mom bot me a new cellphone… how kewl is that… ehh!!”

Yes, it’s cool, and even cooler is that the same cellphone will now be used to send thousands of such meaningless texts!!!

India is a developing country, even then why the minds of some gems of our generation aren’t developing is a big mystery. If you have been active on facebook, you’ll know this kind of people. Ruthless, merciless, rude and insensitive… towards English. They will roast, fry, bake and finally tear off each word like it’s there own property. Ironically, they noticed that I said ‘there’ instead of ‘their’ in my last sentence.

If I start giving examples, the list won’t end. But on the same time, their efforts are commendable. After all our so-called English-speaking people have made their own vocab now. To exemplify, I have some words.

They’ve replaced “picture” with “pikta”. Yes, sounds as it is spelled. Weirdness has just started. The reason behind this change is that “pikta” is easy to type and sounds cool.

That reminds me the word “Cool” is now “Kewl” now I wonder why this transformation occurred, I mean typing kewl is even more time taking than the regular one with two o’s!!

“My” is now “ma”. So apparently “ma” is everywhere, ‘ma cellphone’, ‘ma bike’, ‘ma bag’ and ‘ma college’. The only bad thing is that our original ‘ma’ might not be proud of this.

One of the revolutionary word replacements is “lyk” instead of “like” now I think people will go clean their private jets in the time they saved by typing one less character!

The next spot is taken by ‘ba’ and ‘ny’, believe it or not, these are the replacements for ‘by’ and ‘any’. Kewl, isn’t it?

Recently this is something I read while I was browsing facebook. “Congoz dude cary on… ol d bst fr the future”. But obvious, my comment was “How come you spelled future correctly?”

Now that I think, I guess around 380 million people are speaking this 3rd most spoken language in the world. English must be pretty strong right? Well not stronger than us, we kill it every day!

Just imagine, the people who fail to understand how misinterpreted their words can be when they say “can u cum” instead of “Can you come”, how will they understand the actual tough concepts, like the difference between “its and it’s”, “Their, there, they’re”, “Than/then” and above all “Literally and figuratively”!!!

Now you must be thinking why this preaching all of a sudden? Have you ever seen this status? “Hey ol, how r u… listen I got admit to clg… and ystrday was ma bday… u ol make ma liFE spEcial… THanku… ure ma sweet frnds… will miss ya…”
I saw it this morning, have been tensed since then.

I just want an answer to this query, “Whoever initiated this language, must’ve been a busy man. But did he not know that while he was busy murdering one of the most sophisticated languages in the world, there are hundreds of kids preparing for Spelling bee to honor the same!”
Now that I think, it’s not a one man task, it must have been a group thing. So we can say English has been gang raped.

Now this is something interesting I came across, not mine, credits to a page I found on facebook.
“Proper capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.”

So all in all, I request all, those who do, those who don’t and those who do but will say they don’t, please don’t kill this language. For the sake being kewl… err… cool, you don’t use such words, it makes you look like a fool! And please, you say ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’ the next time, I am gonna take an embarrassing pikta of u and post it to facebuk!!

PS: This was my 50th blogpost, hope you liked it. It’s been a nice journey. And hence, my 51st blogpost is going to be a thank you note to all my readers.  🙂

38 thoughts on “See the language… Mr. …!!

  1. Interesting post Shubham. the sarcasm was bang on(sorry for using the current English trend :P)
    to tell you the truth, this sms lingo pisses me off a lot. i usually avoid chatting with people who use preposterous language like this.
    and from cool to kewl?? aaargh!!!
    congrats on your 50th post 🙂 my first visit to your blog and i like this place a lot 🙂

    1. Thanks for not-so-short comment kirti 🙂 😀
      And being bloggers, we can always brag about the fact that we use proper language atleast. Except for the homepage, you’ll find proper language everywhere on my blog. And guess why the homepage is like that 😛
      Thanks again, i hope you will like other posts too 🙂

  2. aan!! was dis whr u wantd m cmnt ? 😛 …dodo!~!
    kaafi senti sa ho gae aap to lingo ko lekar! 😛 btw…u dint clear…inspiration was d mail or d status u read in d mrng 😛 😛 dono mat bolio!~! 😛
    vese i prefer pics! instead of pikta! pics to chalega na baba ? its jus a shrt version! 😛

    ‘Now you must be thinking why this preaching all of a sudden? Have you ever got seen this status?’

    preaching de re the aisa bolne ka idea to aapne hi dia 😛 BABA! 😛

    n secnd qn thik hai kya gramatically ? 😛 omg! did u jus kill INglish ? if u cal it so!

    dis cmnt dedicatd by m to u!! cz whn vn v chat sm1 uses d same lingo!~! B) oye m tlkng bout u too!! 😛

    ahh!! feels gud wapis ake! 😛 XD
    trust m it hurts being outa top three 😛

    (do i hv to say notice m lingo baba ? 😛 )

    relax vese u r bettr as a humour writer! …

    1. The article has three mistakes in total. Deliberately made, i am waiting for people to point out all, and you did one. Plus, when have i ever said lyk, ma or picta?? I shorten hindi, that’s because i am generally saving money by sending one page messages 😛
      And waise, this article had humor, u didn’t notice as u were already told it’s not 😛
      Thanks for the comment though, it’s been a long time 😀

          1. Thanks. By tough I meant the examples you gave, it takes time to understand that Ma=My. Ba=By etc. Kinda tough for a normal human being. It took me almost 5 minutes to understand this > Hey ol, how r u… listen I got admit to clg… and ystrday was ma bday… u ol make ma liFE spEcial… THanku… ure ma sweet frnds… will miss ya…”

  3. A Great Blogger is one, who takes up blog title from current scene being neoteric.
    You are one of them.! 🙂

  4. Gr8 effrt ! 😛 i lyked ur wrk! 😛
    A nice and sincere piece of writing , i loved reading it , especially because of your all time popular humor tit-bits added at the right places.
    An honest confession- i too fit in the league mentioned by you,thankfully my condition is not this bad, yet, but i often use “gud”, “nyc” and few more of these short forms. So i can’t comment any further. Will try to improve in future, and thanks for this post!

    1. Glad to see your comment here. And your comment proves that you’ve read earlier posts too, which makes me happier 🙂
      About the confession, doesn’t matter, to save some space in texts, we all use those short forms. But why use it in facebook updates and messages where you have enough space!! That bugs me. Improvement is something we all need 🙂

  5. hindi mein likhna chahiye…………..bahut pasand aaya tumhara ye blog Mr. blogger.
    kafi saare nai angrezi k shabd to pehli baar aaj yaha dekhe….
    bahut sunder likha.

    1. Read ur post.. short and staunch.. 🙂 And you most definitely don’t need any lessons.. the one to ask for lessons should rather be me.. On blogging 😛

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