Posts Tagged ‘not funny’

 “Hello… I am older than all of you, I was born when people wanted to communicate. I am gentle, I am smooth, sophisticated and easy, above all. But people these days hate me. They cut me, play with me and kill me. It’s a humble request. Please don’t do that.” 

Yours sincerely,
English language.
PS: Do read this blog, it’s awesome!”

That was an email I found in my inbox yesterday. Well I have received a letter from Rajinikanth before, this is nothing.  So why this letter? Read on.

“Yesterday ma mom bot me a new cellphone… how kewl is that… ehh!!”

Yes, it’s cool, and even cooler is that the same cellphone will now be used to send thousands of such meaningless texts!!!

India is a developing country, even then why the minds of some gems of our generation aren’t developing is a big mystery. If you have been active on facebook, you’ll know this kind of people. Ruthless, merciless, rude and insensitive… towards English. They will roast, fry, bake and finally tear off each word like it’s there own property. Ironically, they noticed that I said ‘there’ instead of ‘their’ in my last sentence.

If I start giving examples, the list won’t end. But on the same time, their efforts are commendable. After all our so-called English-speaking people have made their own vocab now. To exemplify, I have some words.

They’ve replaced “picture” with “pikta”. Yes, sounds as it is spelled. Weirdness has just started. The reason behind this change is that “pikta” is easy to type and sounds cool.

That reminds me the word “Cool” is now “Kewl” now I wonder why this transformation occurred, I mean typing kewl is even more time taking than the regular one with two o’s!!

“My” is now “ma”. So apparently “ma” is everywhere, ‘ma cellphone’, ‘ma bike’, ‘ma bag’ and ‘ma college’. The only bad thing is that our original ‘ma’ might not be proud of this.

One of the revolutionary word replacements is “lyk” instead of “like” now I think people will go clean their private jets in the time they saved by typing one less character!

The next spot is taken by ‘ba’ and ‘ny’, believe it or not, these are the replacements for ‘by’ and ‘any’. Kewl, isn’t it?

Recently this is something I read while I was browsing facebook. “Congoz dude cary on… ol d bst fr the future”. But obvious, my comment was “How come you spelled future correctly?”

Now that I think, I guess around 380 million people are speaking this 3rd most spoken language in the world. English must be pretty strong right? Well not stronger than us, we kill it every day!

Just imagine, the people who fail to understand how misinterpreted their words can be when they say “can u cum” instead of “Can you come”, how will they understand the actual tough concepts, like the difference between “its and it’s”, “Their, there, they’re”, “Than/then” and above all “Literally and figuratively”!!!

Now you must be thinking why this preaching all of a sudden? Have you ever seen this status? “Hey ol, how r u… listen I got admit to clg… and ystrday was ma bday… u ol make ma liFE spEcial… THanku… ure ma sweet frnds… will miss ya…”
I saw it this morning, have been tensed since then.

I just want an answer to this query, “Whoever initiated this language, must’ve been a busy man. But did he not know that while he was busy murdering one of the most sophisticated languages in the world, there are hundreds of kids preparing for Spelling bee to honor the same!”
Now that I think, it’s not a one man task, it must have been a group thing. So we can say English has been gang raped.

Now this is something interesting I came across, not mine, credits to a page I found on facebook.
“Proper capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.”

So all in all, I request all, those who do, those who don’t and those who do but will say they don’t, please don’t kill this language. For the sake being kewl… err… cool, you don’t use such words, it makes you look like a fool! And please, you say ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’ the next time, I am gonna take an embarrassing pikta of u and post it to facebuk!!

PS: This was my 50th blogpost, hope you liked it. It’s been a nice journey. And hence, my 51st blogpost is going to be a thank you note to all my readers.  🙂

Hi.. you must be wondering why I compared crap to Ra.One when we all know which is worse… and why I wrote metallica and the other two words in the same line… Reason is simple, I am a regular guy, or in this case, a not-so-regular guy who hasn’t seen both.

A few weeks back, when I was cleaning my home for the much awaited Diwali, I came to know that India is going to host F1 racing and there will be a Metallica concert as well, pardon my poor GK, I was too busy doing nothing maybe! So all I could say was “ok” and I went back to my work. Not that I am not a fan of rock, in fact I love listening to zepplin but metallica I wasn’t really fond of. So weren’t my friends, but suddenly liking metallica became a trend. It was just like that “Hate Justin beiber” wave that spread once.

As I said, I am a regular guy, I have around 400 Facebook friends which is a symbol of a good profile according to people, so I could see the trend there too. It wasn’t even over when shahrukh khan started promoting his movie in which he was playing a superhero. I wasn’t really interested in watching another movie with a superhero in it, but the promos aroused my curiosity and I thought, “Let’s give it a try” but before I could think of buying the tickets the first day first show of the movie happened (luckily I didn’t get it’s tickets) and all I could hear from my friends was “the movie is crap!” call it Facebook effect but my friends who won’t even agree to the fact that light travels the fastest, agreed to the point that Ra.One sucks. I wanted to see the movie but going for it now would spoil my image in my friends. All I can see on the internet is the bad reviews of the movie.

When you see Facebook, “ABC and 33 other friends posted about Diwali” such posts are common… so is that what we want? To be a part of those 33 other people? When the metallica concert got cancelled, everyone is dissing the media and rest are cursing the public. Some blog posts are getting popular and some quotes are spreading like viral. But the fact is, not more than 30% percent of the people have actually listened to many metallica tracks and rest are just being a part of the mob. I still have sympathy with the true rock fans who missed that. I still have sympathy with people who wanted to celebrate Diwali with Ra.One and got something else. But what I see there is less genuineness and more imitation.

As I always say “by imitating people we only take humanity back to where we evolved from” so it’s time to do something new, something different and something good (and hopefully one thing that combines all three)

Let’s just end this nonsense with one thing.. what you read was neither my anger nor my frustration… it wasn’t something to laugh at, neither did I want to make you cry. What I wished was to convey a simple message, the virtual life is deceptive, being updated is different and following the trend is different. So forget metallica and Ra.one (unless you wasted your money in it 😛 ) and choose something which people aren’t talking much about (let’s say my blog).. Who knows If you set your own trend! 😀

The indian demo-crazzy

Posted: July 31, 2011 in Politics, Sarcasm
Tags: ,

Ok ok the title is a stolen one.

But don’t you think it was apt ? So i thought why put stress on my little mind

Anyways, this is something i always wanted to express and finally i am doing it thanks to WordPress (oh yes i rhyme too)

In my childhood i always heard my parents saying India is a country filled of scams and corruption, that time things like the famous fodder scam, or the famous Harshad Mehta stock exchange scam were really talked about. So i always thought when I’ll grow up I’ll do something big… something which will be known forever and I’ll be part of a country which is far more advanced than the one i am living in (no pun intended, I wanted India to develop)

And see, my dream came true… today we do scams on international level, today we have black money all over the Swiss banks and we have corrupted the biggest international event that happened recently (cwg of course)… so all in all, we did advance.

And the best thing about all this is that when i am trying to be sarcastic, our government is actually proud of it.

For instance , our very famous spokesperson’s take on recent Mumbai bomb blasts was “we have successfully overcome them 100s of times, failing 1 or 2 times is normal” and while we are still fighting for the lokpal bill and the other anti-corruption movements , our national issue right now is hina rabbani being extra beautiful.

Once i read in a newspaper that someone threw a shoe on a respected indian leader.

That obviously wasn’t right… but does our govt needs to be tackled with such measures… or is this the only way to dump our anger abt these situations… i mean can’t the government do anything about this…

Here are a few solutions i thought

As dr. MMS very well knows his image in the country (i know he has a secret fb profile he uses to keep a watch on updates related to him)… he must make a blog requesting people to comment on his situation.. Also he must not forget to mark spam the comments using the obvious words (ma, bahan, dk bose, chor, naukar, idiot, asshole, crap, screw, and obviously the indian gaalis)

Digvijay singh should undergo a vocal cord surgery and should get them removed, or he can simply drink HCl… most of the problems will be solved

Soniya gandhi should let mms decide what hours he’ll speak on his own (like 9 to 10 pm everyday)… This way some sensible decisions might be taken.

Suresh kalmadi, well he’s going good… just keep forgetting… who knows when u might forget to breathe .

A raja should aim big, i mean only after his scam we got 3G in our country… a 3G scam might get us something even better.

Raj thackrey… dude, do something… people are forgetting you, you still have many north indians to curse… why don’t you start off with MS dhoni this time!!

And Chelsea should dismiss their club (you know I had to say that anyways)

If all these solutions were not good enough, u guys can always try going the left way (pun highly intended)

After all these people, it would be my bad if i don’t mention, the two fame-crazy people, baba ramdev and rakhi sawant… for them i have to say this in a very female style..  “awww…   go get a room you two ❤ ”

Politics in india is like baba ramdev’s left eye… it exists but its pretty useless… but you can’t just sit back and curse them… i mean , i can (i am blogger, we all know i am jobless) but you can’t… in rdb style, ias bano, ips bano, politics ko badlo…

While reading this some of you might smile and some might say what a waste of time (actually many would say that) but my soul motive behind writing this was to express this one thing that none of us is satisfied with the way democracy in india is being used and the way we are being led.

So wake up, have a cup of coffee (i hear its beneficial) and then go for it… at least  cast your vote… after-all being adult is not only your permit for some internet websites