Archive for the ‘Reader’s Idea’ Category

To the immensely awesome and hugely popular writers like me *hiccups*, fan mails are not a very common thing. But I do get a few of them. Few are just a feedback of how one liked/disliked my book or some particular article. But this one is quite different. It came from a reader who I added on facebook sometime back. “Harshda Mangal”. She is a blogger herself and has made sure I tell her everything about wordpress since the day she started it 😛

When she told me she wanted to write a post like this, I didn’t understand the idea. But once I read it, I found it quite different. So here it is, a post by a reader, for me, on how my non-readers would take me. Yes, it seems weird, but trust me, it is weird! 😛
This post is dedicated to Shubham Choudhary, one because I am not a famous writer yet and second, I don’t know any other writer (Well! I know many but no one else would give a damn to this).

So, Shubham, You think you are a writer? Huh?? Well! There would be many people around you who would not believe the same, but there would be many more in number who would know that you are a writer, but they don’t read you. So, this post is for your non- readers (And it’s an effort to tell you that you may have crossed 47000 pageviews and got more than 1000 likes on Facebook, but to many you are still just “Shubham”)

To The Non- Readers

You had dedicated your debut novel “My EX fell in Love” to your readers. Well! This post is dedicated to your non- readers. You  should  not be much concerned about the success of this post, because the people to whom it is directed are not going to read it anyway and the person who is writing all this is also not famous!

I will not here, criticize or abuse them but thank them, to be in your life that they always prove and make you realize that, ‘whatever you have achieved, we don’t give a damn to you’.

Now, what follows is a work of imagination of how people would have nagged you by their behaviour. I know that you would surely have passed through some of the incidents and if you haven’t, hope that you do, in near future.

So, here are some of the encounters which you have or would witness:

1.       A friend, met in college and asked, “What happened man? You have not posted anything on your blog since a very long time?” This question came up when you had updated the blog just one day ago. You told him about the same and he replied, “REALLY??”
You know what, if you would have said that “I have not updated it since 3 months”, he would have broadened his eyes with the same astonishment and asked, “REALLY??”

(This one has actually happened to me, a lot of times 😛 )

2.       You meet a girl on FB and she bombarded you with the fact that she is your greatest fan. You thanked her, but she went on to prove the fact. She told that she had loved the article where you talked about “Boys are dogs” and the post in which you showed your concern over “Alien War” and also where you reviewed the movie ‘Players’. At first, you were like, when did I write that? But when she talked about Players, you thought, “This is it… I had no courage to even watch that movie for one time and she says I reviewed it…”
You interrupt her at that, but she said that “You are a busy person, must have forgotten that you wrote that…” Now what can you say after such a statement. Well! You just accepted all the appreciation with a thank you and three smileys in a row ( and also because the girl was hot… You Barney Stinson Fan…)

(That has never happened before, but if the girl is hot, I am waiting for something like this 😛 )

See, i just made this and wanted to show this. So bear with it :P

See, i just made this and wanted to show this. So bear with it 😛

3.       You meet a school friend, accidentally at the CCD. He asked you, “How is your blog- shlog going on?” You started telling him about that and was just reaching towards telling about the book, that he had to interrupt, “Ya, I have also read many posts… I can even recall that something based on tharki and all.”
You were taken to surprise and told him that it’s a very old post to which he replied, “Ya… but you know, I don’t get time to read all that stuff.
And hence a guy who actually has read you, rejects all your hard work and proves he is busier than you!
(What can I say, happens daily!)

4.   I want to witness this incident, (so, make sure that there is any wedding in your house, you invite me!!)
Imagine, your parents are bragging something about your novel, when one of the grandmothers, comes into the scene and says in a loud voice… Arre Shubham… ye kahan ka writer hai?? Ye to bachpan me nachta accha tha.. isse to dance karwao (Shubham? He is not a writer… He used to dance well, make him dance! )

Before you finish reading and ask yourself what the hell was that, I’ll say, go through point three again. Once you have a readership (or following or whatever you call it), it becomes a point of how you take some moments that won’t happen if you didn’t have that following.
I find myself the same old person but people don’t. So thanks Harshda for giving me a glimpse of what might happen.

Till I get something else to post on the blog, please like this post! 😛

PS: You can visit her blog here: http://creatigentt.wordpress.com/

Hello all, in the series of co-authored posts, this is 4th for the month and 6th overall. Here I am going to tell something you all might have been waiting for, some supercool ways to beat the heat. To help me out, I have one of my biggest fans, an all-time reader, a good friend, and above all, the person who suggested me to make the blog, which means the first reader of a blog which now has all hundreds of you beautiful readers 😉 Please welcome Ashish Jhawar.

So people always say they don’t like summers, nothing is good except for the holidays. I think on different lines, for me, its holidays+fun+cool clothes+ice creams+mangoes!! Oh mangoes!!!! Umm… sorry I got carried away. Anyway, what they don’t like is the shooting temperature and the “Chubhti jalti garmi” as they say. So here are some ways to beat the heat.

 

Way 1:

Work out in a gym, sweat so much that you become a self shower. Now hit the strongest man near you and run for your life. Since you will run covered with sweat, the breeze will make you feel cool. Also, when you get caught, you’ll be “Knocked out Cold”!!

Way 2:

Buy an iPad/iPhone or anything that starts with an i (except for i Pill). Since you now have a cool gadget, you’ll be known as a “cool” guy amongst your not-so-cool friends!

Way 3:

“Rasiyaaaa ♫ aa ja!!” Remember something? Yep, download and watch the slice ad by katerina 5-6 times. As my friend gurpreet says, “kaleje wich thandak aa jayegi!”
PS:
You can also watch some other things I can’t really suggest here.

Way 4:

Whenever a guest comes your home, hit him on the head and beat him with a stick. See, treat him cold-blooded, no “Warm Welcomes” this summer!!

Beat the Heat

Way 5:

Go watch titanic 3d. They have a lot of glaciers and icebergs in it. Feel cool. But don’t watch too much, you might wanna skip some HOT parts the movie had.

Way 6:

Listen to AC/DC, they’re cool. Watch djokowich play those sexy volleys, that’s cool. But please don’t watch a Chelsea match, that’s totally uncool, plus you might heat up seeing the way they play!

Way 7:

This one has actually worked for me a thousand times. Take around 5-6 ATM cards with you and go in the small ATM cabinets we have on roads. AC is free, plus if there are people outside, pretend that you are checking balance in all those cards, have fun!

Way 8:

Melons, watermelons, Ice, Icecream, sea breeze, Mango shake, chilled cold drink!!! It actually works, I know..! Just say these names while you want to save yourself the misery of going out in the heat and actually buy them. Such words work on your psychology and make you feel cool.

See that’s the reason I keep saying megan fox, Angelina jolie etc.. in my free time.

Way 9:

This one is for hostellers, go and have a bath for a change. It actually feels good, I am telling from my personal experience I had last week.

So I am done with my ways. If you don’t find any of those useful, read my blog, it’s cool! 😉

You got more? Feel free to comment. And do tell me which one of these you liked the most.

I’d again thank my co-author Ashish for being instrumental in framing this post. You would want to check out his blog too, which is by the way a way better blog then mine. Here goes, Guitar Guruji.

Yes!

Oh sorry, first the thank you note. I get carried away!! 😐

Anyway, very big thanks from the bottom of my heart for making my previous article “How to identify a Tharki in the crowd” a big hit. It got the maximum shares till date and was featured on some super popular portals as well 😀

So I HAD to come up with a part two, since the last one dealt with Tharki boys and left a question, Can Girls Be Tharki? So here I am answering that. Read on.

While there are almost 50% chances of every guy becoming a Tharki and almost 60% actually are, stats are a little different in girls. The chances are reduced to 40% and quantity to 30. True Story!
Here’s why. The thing is, sex ratio in india favors boys statistically. So girls enjoy the scarcity. In engineering colleges and other similar institutions, amount of girls is almost one fifth of guys. So clearly, chances of desperation and frustration are more in guys. Most of the times, girls with such symptoms are found in girl colleges or colleges with absolutely hopeless guys, aka, many engineering colleges.

Some quick myth busters to tell you what are NOT the symptoms of a Tharki girl.

  • So she sent you a friend request. Think again, it was just a request, not a marriage proposal, she isn’t a Tharki.
  • Ok, she asked for your phone number, so what? She might actually need it! Again, false alarm.
  • She proposed you? Congrats, unless you’re a Justin beiber fan, she ain’t a Tharki.
  • She said she needs a guy to be set up with and has indirectly hit on you many times? OK, this is a true alarm, and beware, because she IS a Tharki!!!

There are many differences between Tharki boys and Tharki girls. While a boy will send desperate messages like I stated in my previous article, a girl won’t do that. Boys can be eve teasers, slang passers and even criminals, girls don’t do that. Girls generally don’t use stuff like “Wil u bcom mah frnds” in their messages!!! And moreover, a girl won’t propose you right away even if she is a Tharki unlike a despo boy.

Always Be mine!!!!

Always Be mine!!!!

So what do this kind of girls do? Nice question. Here’s what.

  • A Tharki girl will always complain of not having a boyfriend. Why she hasn’t one? Simple, she’s a girl and still she is desperate which is NOT normal!! Clearly there’s something that’s keeping guys away.
  • She will not only hit on you but won’t mind talking/going out with other friends of yours.
  • Finding ease in guys’ company is normal for girls, but ONLY in guys’ company!! Tharki alert!!
  • She has been in 10 relationships in last 3 years and proposed 7 guys out of those 10. MAHATHARKI!!!

So now you know how to and how not to identify if a girl is Tharki.
Here are some more tips.

  • While talking to a girl, ask her “What do you think about Raj/Rohit/any mutual friend”
    If her answer is anything like this “Why? You want to set me up with him?” you have stumbled upon a big time Tharki!
  • Tell her that some friend of yours needs her help. If without asking her first sentence is, “Give him my number”, congrats, you found a Tharki.
  • Go to a gift shop and ask her to pick a soft toy. Now this is a long shot and not very accurate, but studies show that if she picks up any superhero instead of cartoon character, she’s a Tharki. (Hey studies show that!!!)

So I guess we are almost to the end, I would again give a gyan tip here.

Every girl is born with a sense of superiority and obsession about her intelligence and looks over the poor world and that’s not common in boys. This is the reason why it is easy to find a Tharki boy while Tharki girls are like salt in flour. Still, you will find many and it becomes even more important to identify them. Lack of demand (While there’s a lot for others), lack of opposite sex (Mainly because of female dominated surroundings) and realization that the first line of this para isn’t actually correct, might lead to formation of a Tharki girl.

So that’s it. This time I didn’t have a co-author since no guy wanted to take part in identifying a Tharki, they were all pissed off about proving them a Tharki with the last article. Still, I hope u liked it, and actually you’ve reached the end so who cares even if you didn’t! 😛

Before opening this treat of miseries and frustration to you, I would like to thank my friend Ashish Baberwal for the wonderful idea. Also, he wanted me to mention his name on the blog. 😛

Moving on, “Things we all observed, and I said” is the tagline of my blog (In case u didn’t know) so this time I thought of coming up with a straight away observation, “The impact of Facebook in our lives”.
I know I know, cliché, people have said a lot, why should I read this… etc. etc. etc…  So here’s something that my dear friend added to it, what if this impact existed at the time of our freedom struggle. Now the whole thing just followed this weird idea.

Starting with the 1857 struggle, remember the names like Mangal pandey and Rani Laxmibai? Before going to tear off that non vegetarian bullet, Mangal Pandey might have had created a poll on Facebook, “About to chew the cover of bullet. What do you think? is it cow meat?” (Man the people saying No would have been screwed!!)

Moving on, imagine Karamchand gandhi’s status on facebook on 2nd October 1869, “Blessed with a baby boy. I and putlibai are sooooo happpyyyyyy” with Motilal Nehru, Nelson mandela and 22 others like this beneath it. I am pretty sure 100 years later even the FB directors would have reshared this status on their timelines!

And then the freedom struggle would have continued… M.K Gandhi keeps updating his profile with things like “Law from England” and “Doing Satyagraha in South Africa”.
And then a Facebook fan page named “Indian National Congress” would have been formed in 1885 joined in by thousands of likes later on followed by another page called the Muslim League! And it’s founder also making a group called “We Hate INC

I believe Bhagat singh’s family was quite poor so expecting them to use internet isn’t very likely (As if the rest of the things are!) but one news about him would have been closely noticed by the britishers, “Chandrashekhar azad and Bhagat singh are now friends

Just like these days, viral posts would have been there. Whenever female freedom strugglers update anything, they would have got far more likes than any other male struggler. People like Saunders and Simon would have created Javascript spams instead of lathicharges.
And the slogan “Simon Go Back” would actually have been an FB page liked by tons of people in a single day and “Inquilab zindabad” would be creating a wave even bigger than the kolaveri song.

When Gandhiji started the Dandi march, his status would have been “Going to make salt, see ya” and then the like counter would have slowly increased from 1 to 1000 in a few hours with him checking in at different places now and then, and then the last status “We broke the salt law” containing a 100 “Yippeee, congrats 😀 ” comments below.

 gandhi ji on facebook

And the best part, The Non Co-Operation movement would actually be an FB event where people would have boycotted British fan pages and stopped liking any of the status updates by the governor general. And when some revolutionary might have made an abusive comment on FB, Gandhiji would have called off the movement with a 1000 people disliking the activity.

I am pretty sure then there would have been a fourth monkey with his hands on the keyboard.
Our first Prime Minister Jawahar Lal Nehru’s autobiography would actually have been a Facebook note.
And instead of putting someone in jail, suspending his FB profile for a week would have been enough of a penalty!
The profile pic of B.R Ambedkar showing his index finger would have been the most liked one on FB that time. 
Charkha would have been the cover pic of many.

Pretty imaginable, our PM would have updated a status “We are FREEEEEE!!!!!” at the midnight and the status would have had a 1000 shares and lakhs of likes!

Here we come to an end. While writing this, I thought this might be even funnier with some graphics and international events, but thanks to my super poor Photoshop skills and a busy schedule in doing nothing, I can’t provide that. But here is something, check out this, you’re gonna laugh out loud for sure.

http://coolmaterial.com/roundup/if-historical-events-had-facebook-statuses-part-2/

http://open.salon.com/blog/tom_falco/2010/08/29/if_facebook_existed_throughout_history_1

PS: I didn’t intend to make fun of our freedom struggle or anyone associated with it. It was just a funny imagination. So if you’re a geeky historian who is going to yell at me for mocking one of the most glorious parts of Indian history, don’t, believe me, I’ve even mocked Rajinikanth here. 😛