I wonder why I didn’t say it enough earlier. Probably you always made it look like it wasn’t required. David thought to himself. That’s what he wanted to write. He didn’t have enough courage to say it. It was hard for him to pen down on all his feelings. Not only was it the first time he was actually writing something, expressing so much was also new to him.
He continued to write.
“It was you who always said it’s never too late to do or say anything. Hope you’ll understand the reason I am late as well. I remember how you used to take care of me when I was a kid. I didn’t even realize you had to cut down your budgets just to get me that video game I always wanted. We were poor, even my daily milk was a liability on us. I don’t know why I never thought that why we stopped getting newspaper the day I took admission to middle school. The only thing I knew was how to start crying when I liked something someone else had and I didn’t. I never thought what all father had to go through to earn that much money so that you could get that thing to me. From ice creams to that batman dress, I think I used to cry a lot!”
A little smile crept David’s face as he remembered himself wearing that batman dress. It soon vanished when he also remembered how his mother wanted to take his picture in that but they didn’t have a camera.
He glanced at the letter once… then resumed…
“I’ve heard many people say that their mother is the best in the world. And probably they’re all right. After all, who except a mother can bear so much pain for so many months and then continue not to give up when it crosses the excruciating limits while giving birth. And that is the only time when someone coming from so much pain smiles seeing the result of it. A child, no matter how thankful and loving, can’t ever payback what his parents do for him. You did that all for me, and never made me feel anything even once.
When I wanted to go out of town for higher studies, you cried that day. The pain of separation from me was unbearable for you. But you didn’t let me know about that. For me you were always that strong woman who could fight the world for me and not let me feel a thing. It’s only today I know all of that.
Sometimes I think why did I not realize this, when I was sensible enough to realize what I wanted for my life and how to take my career forward. Hell… I even made sure my girlfriend was always happy. Why did you, the only one who always unconditionally loved me, have to face all that!?
I was successful… Probably more than you ever wished for. This success wouldn’t have been possible if it wasn’t for you, who made sure I never lacked courage in my life. But still, you weren’t the first one to know when I got my first client in business. I am not sure if a sorry would fill up even a bit of the huge void I created in all this time… but I want to know what I can do. I am clueless ma! And ironically, you’re the only one I can look up to.”
His eyes were moist by this time. Although he was happy inside that finally he was letting it all out.
“Just like many other kids in the world, I was selfish, senseless and not as loving as you. In the shadow of your love, I probably never saw what the actual heat of hardships felt like. Despite of all those troubles, you gave me all you could. And foolish me, I thought sending you money once I earn enough of it was enough to repay all you did for me.
Now that I think about it, I couldn’t even repay that with my life.
I know it is too selfish of me to ask something even now, the time when I feel you deserved a lot better than what I did. But I am still going to be that stupid kid one more time, and say it. I need you. I am too sad ma…! Just solve everything like you always did.”
David still thought it was incomplete. Then he wrote one last line. “I brought your favorite flowers, lilies. Love you.”
David got up, went a little forward and put the letter down; on his mother’s grave. He looked at it; a little tear fell down from his eyes on to the letter, completing it now.