India is my country. All Indians are my brothers and sisters. (and hence I am forever alone.)
See… How concerned I am to defend our pledge from being violated. And not only me, but many people, in fact every Indian citizen is concerned about our national issues. We all want to see our country rise and we constantly keep thinking about what to do for it. Not that we do something, but oh hell… Who does? We at-least think!
So I was thinking what are the real national issues that are bugging us. And as a savior for the poor souls, I am here with a solution! Since I am intelligent, thoughtful, free and kind (and I didn’t have anything better to do).
1. So the first issue that strikes my mind is… When is Sachin Tendulkar going to retire?
Every freaking Indian is concerned about this. How the hell can this guy play at 39. He is too old. People can run a country at 80, but they should not, in any condition, play cricket at 40.
So I have the answer. He is going to retire soon. Just that he has this one condition. He’ll retire the day Mumbai Indians beats Chennai Superkings in an IPL knockout match. So… umm… I am not really hopeful with this.
2. This might be the oldest issue around. Even older then Sharad Panwar!
When will Salman Khan get married?
We Indians cant see a guy happy, can we?
The answer to this is simple. Why would he get married. All you get after marriage, he has it already, plus no disadvantages since he is technically single! So in case you were delaying your marriage just because you waited for Salman, cut it, you’re overage anyway.
3. Is Narendra Modi the next PM? Or is it Rahul Gandhi?
Frankly, do you really care? What you really should be worried about is that, how many times is Hina Rabbani going to visit our country this year! 😉
4. Next thing that bugs every Indian out there is this one girl. When, in the real world, will Poonam Pandey strip!?
No no, don’t look here and there, you read my blog alone anyway to save yourself from the embarrassment after being caught.
So, let me answer this with a question. Have you heard about the love and the cookie theory?
Just assume there is a button that says push to get a cookie. But a bird shits on you when you push. Would you push it again? Yes, coz you’re hopeful you’ll get a cookie. This happens 99 times until the 100th time when you actually get the cookie and even though you’re covered in shit, you’re happy. That cookie is love!
Coming back, consider Poonam Pandey’s striptease that cookie. Stay calm, you’ll get it. Till then, tackle the shit.
5. I’ve seen people getting worried about a lot of things. Their job is in danger, the wife threatens to leave home everyday (and never actually does), their children won’t listen to them and the landlord can throw them out anytime… but the real problem for them is, “Will Ram Kapoor get his fortune back?”. (If you don’t know what I am talking about, please google ‘Bade Achhe Lagte hain’)
Just wait for probably 500 more episodes and you might get the answer.
(And to read how Ekta Kapoor and people like her are destroying Indian television, please read The sas bahu saga of India.
When we have so much to think, we probably divert ourselves by thinking on these issues and giving out lame solutions that no one really cares about. The strange and probably ironical fact is, by keeping these things in headlines, we not only encourage them, we also avoid what should actually be the real news.
So I’d end by saying this, instead of worrying about the winner of Nach Baliye and Big Boss, please do a little brainstorming on how to save petrol, maybe that will help you!
Keep reading 🙂