According to the latest news leaks by our very own Leaky-pedia, it is positively a confirm information that our country’s home minister, Dr. P Chidambaram will now be assisting the indian judiciary on how to “close matters” quickly. The decision was reportedly taken by the IPC after seeing the efficient and prompt decision making skills of the honorary minister in different matters recently. The judiciary seemed to be specifically impressed by his statement in the legendary press conference about the 2G scam, which included Pranab mukharjee too where P Chidambaram had stepped forward to say that the 2G scam was now a closed matter.
According to the respected judge S.H. Kapadia , “This decision was pending long way, we always wanted someone good enough to be with us and take responsibility of the weird decisions we’ve been taking. Now that Chidambaram is assisting us, I don’t think there’s gonna be any delay, seeing his present statements, I can say we’ll now always have the option of “Closing” the matter if decision can’t be taken!”
According to one other official in the Supreme Court, Shree Altamas Kabir, “Chidambaram fulfils all the requirements we had. He’s a master of law from the Cambridge university, he has direct contact with the real man of India, Sonia ji… and he has the ability to prove that the matters are closed.” “Take afzal guru’s matter for instance, we took so much time deciding what to do with the guy, and when we transferred the case to home ministry, what they decide is not to decide anything. The matter was so small according to them that they considered it closed. Also, due to my personal contacts with Chidambaram, I know he wanted the Jessica Lal case to be closed too as the supreme court was too big to give a decision on such a small matter.”
According to our sources, Digvijay singh was seen partying at his house… when caught by us he agreed that he was happy with Chidambaram sir Ji to be assisting the judiciary. He said that terrorism in India has decreased in past years. Previously 100s were killed in a single blast and these days 10-20 are killed and frequency is doubled, so we do have a less number of deaths. This simple concept wasn’t getting into judiciary’s underdeveloped minds and Chidambaram bhaiya is the best person to “Close” the matter. He can always tell them that terrorism is out of question when we have bigger issues like Soniya madam’s cancer.
Noted jurist K K Venugopal said that this was surprising, but this decision will have some deep impacts. Now we can seek help from home ministry over matters like Maoists and the so called Terror attacks in Assam. As these matters are regionally restricted, I guess Chidambaram might consider them closed as well.
Finally when we got talking to our very own Dr. P Chidambaram himself, we came to know some very interesting points. According to him it was pretty clear that judiciary had to seek his help someday. There was a pretty slow speed of solving cases which actually weren’t “That important” and were being overrated. He said that next elections aren’t very far and we want to set an example as well as want to prove our quality in front of the public. We will still deal with bigger issues patiently, but frankly, I don’t see any.
Also that now he will be having powers to interfere, he will take personal classes of Indian judges on “How to Close matters” and will be getting ready himself for the next elections. Their main aim is to make a country free of malice and malevolence and if people don’t have cases to discuss upon, we’re pretty much done.
After all this drama, we just hope that the govt. might as well give the education department to Digvijay Singh who will even say that IITs and NITs are useless (After the great decision of scraping JEE by another minister). But even then, giving judicial powers to home ministry seems a revolutionary step. Who knows one day we’ll see the case of Rahul Gandhi’s cold and Soniya madam’s lost necklace being solved by the supreme court.