I am an Indian. All Indians are my brothers and sisters. I love my country.
I think this pledge should be modified now. We need to insert a line in it saying “I will always watch Bollywood movies with full energy and excitement regardless of its story and script, and I will try to make it a hit.” Because otherwise I don’t see a point in releasing Bollywood movies in India these days. When we know that every single citizen of India likes to watch Hollywood movies and though most of them watch them because they like them, there are also people who watch them just because they aren’t Bollywood movies. It’s like a class for them and an issue of standard. If you read my previous article “are you a Facebook dude” , you will easily detect such kind of people among masses.
Ok one thing quick, if you think in this article you’ll see jokes like “what if dharam paji was in titanic” or “what if rajinikanth was the hero of terminator” plz stop. This article is even worse.
So I was thinking about all this and then I thought (yes, sometimes thoughts come to my mind too) that what can the Bollywood guys do to make their movies as good as those from Hollywood. One idea would be to spend more, act better, use better technology, employ more people, get a better script, a better cinematography and blah blah blah… which we all know isn’t happening.
So here’s another idea (we Indians are so good at jugad aren’t we). Why not we make a hindi remake of the Hollywood movies. Just think about it. No story required, no different script needed, all the heroines dying to do vulgar scenes get a treat, all the actors like emran hashmi would start working for free, audience will enjoy and I hear the censor board is also passing movies without watching these days. Since this idea came to my mind, I thought what if we start doing it and how about a few Hollywood movies for starters. Here’s my plan.
We will start from the epic series HARRY POTTER. Since its one of the biggest Hollywood flicks and doesn’t expect any further parts from Hollywood. Here we will name it “Aaj ka Jaadugar”. Lead role can be played by Uday chopra , since he’s a wonder kid and after such a terrible career he is still alive is no less than a magic. Now we have a clear contender for voldermort too, Mika… Who else can live without a nose right!!
Another movie that strikes my mind is Mission impossible. As the 4th part is in the pipeline and people are pretty excited to watch it, we’ll release our MI just after that one and in a much bigger avatar. Our MI will have Abhishek bachchan as a hero and the selling point of the movie is that it’s based on a real life story, abhishek bachchan surviving in Bollywood was obviously a mission impossible and he did it (we even gave him a reward called Aishwarya). The best thing about the movie is that eminent personalities like salman and vivek would be the negative leads!
What’s fun is the next movie, SPIDER MAN… as the 4th part is being released without the well-known spider man, we have a good scope for the movie in India. For the role of spider man we have the evergreen Jeetendra. He can sure jump from place to place. The role of his girlfriend can be given to Neha dhupia coz she also has no value in the industry and is available all the time(that’s what spidey’s girlfriend does right?)
We in Bollywood have a big advantage, RAJINIKANTH, so if anyone can’t play a role in any movie, we will ask him to do it.
Enough about movie series, let’s talk about some single part hits.
Like 300.That movie can easily be made in Bollywood with the name “ ANNA – A biography” I think he had even less than 300 supporters initially when he started the movement.
The movie “Silence of the lambs” will feature our PM Manmohan Singh for obvious reasons.
“The losers” in Bollywood will have 11 heroes… (You guessed it right, me talking about our cricket team)
“dirty rotten scoundrels” in India would be featuring Kalmadi, Raja and Kasab. There will be a guest appearance by Digvijay singh too.
We can’t have a better suited person for the lead role in “Father of the bride” than Prakash padukone (Deepika padukon’s father if u don’t remember the name) coz he has the most desperate daughter in the whole universe.
“The babysitter” will have Simi garewal as the lead as she’s doing sort of a same job In her latest show.
After all these big movies coming Bollywood way, I think there’s a great scope for even bigger hits in future. People like Steven Spielberg have already showed their interest in Bollywood movie titles (Avatar is a hindi word right??) and if we have such flicks in our hand, the time isn’t far when we’ll see people paying money to watch Bollywood movie dvds(which is a rare scene these days).