Are u a facebook dude

Posted: August 3, 2011 in Author's choice, Lifestyle, Nonsensical How tos and guides, Sarcasm
Tags: , ,

Well here’s your guide to become a dude on Facebook..

Umm.. ok a quick question. Do you know who hina rabbani is? If yes then move on, you’re the right person to read this…

So people always ask me that what this word actually means. What should they do to become a DUDE…

Since you’re not a dude (I know) the best thing about Facebook is that you don’t have to see the person you’re chatting with (or scribbling actually these days)

Well… you see, a dude is basically a boy who is handsome , dynamic, talented, athletic, tall, and funny. And since I am saying you will become a one after reading this crappy guide, you must know all the things I said before are crap and you just need to keep a few red flags and green flags in mind. What are they? Consider them traffic lights on a cloth.. got it? Good.. now go.. (down)

First thing to keep in mind, are you a football fan?

If yes, green flag.. if not, become one… football is a necessary part of the whole DUDE concept.. you need not  learn the terminologies, just learn a few club names and a few famous players… also if your friends love soccer (yes I am still talking about the same thing) then NEVER , EVER, say that you like Chelsea coz this is like a red card for you in the field of dudes (yes, red card means ban)

So make events, like pages and post statuses like “I am a RED devil” etc etc…

Next thing, and probably much more important than football, is MUSIC. If u started singing FRIDAY or BABY just after hearing the word music then RED FLAG!!!  get out, you aren’t entitled for the rest of the guide. And if you didn’t,  then good, now keep this in mind, you can’t even think of loving people like Justin Beiber and Rebecca black, they’re like… umm… , well what can be worse!!!

So what should you like? This is simple.. you have to say I like rock even if you don’t… in case you don’t,  just learn these names, AC-DC, METALLICA, NIRVANA, LED ZEPPLIN, GUNS n ROSES and also a few like GREENDAY, THE SOLIDS and AEROSMITH. When your friends are talking about them , just say I love the song stairway to heaven and you’re good to go dude (yes, I just called u that)

So share the best rock videos and links time to time.

Now the next thing, the vehicle you drive… If u have a 200 cc bike and u know how to handle it… GREEN FLAG!! we all know bikes are hot. But you know what’s hotter, a guy who knows how to drive one. Oh yes, to become a dude you don’t actually need a bike… u just need to know a few terms like WHEELY, stoppy  etc… if u don’t know them, RED FLAG!! now that petrol is expensive, feel safe on your pleasure (why should we let girls have the fun) and keep in mind, that whenever a conversation about bikes starts in your so-called dude friends , you should be ready to spit out the sentences containing all those terms.

After all who wants to see you driving a bike on facebook…  a profile pic of you sitting on a karizma is more than enough.

As for another related thing, have some knowledge on cars… aston martin, Ferrari, Chevrolet, blah blah… if u don’t have this, RED FLAG!!! Cars are hot… every dude in the world is born with car loving gland right next to the heart…

Share a Bugatti Veyron pic on your wall right now!!!

Now that we are through with sports, music, and vehicles… here comes the most important part… girls… there are 2 kinds of girls, one who are sensible and other who actually exist. So as we have to concentrate on those who exist, we’re not gonna talk sense with them… talk rubbish and try to sound as emotional as u can… at the same time , never forget you’re a cool dude who loves speed and sports , so repeat these chants as soon as you’re done talking to them.. “eminem is the king of rap , beiber is the queen of crap” or “Manchester united is a hit and rest all is shit” (you can replace Man Utd with any club of your choice except for Chelsea)

Now this one is for those who want to try these abnormal things in real life…

There’s one thing that reflects your personality… Clothing… just because you’re a barney Stinson fan doesn’t mean you’re gonna wear suits… on dudes everything looks cool except for sleeveless tees in a lecture… wear T-shirts that have quotes on them… if there is a zoo-zoo or a Rajhinikanth quote on your Tee.. RED FLAG!!!

Well after reading all this I know you have a pretty good knowledge on how to become a dude on Facebook.

When you’re doing this stuff on Facebook , no one cares if you’re 15, if you’re a looser in reality and if you’re actually an all different gender!!!

It’s a world with lots of insecure, desperate and the most available (velle) kind of people… if you don’t wanna be one of them… its better to just laugh at this guide and think about how many of your friends actually do that. Believe me, if you’ll observe, there are a lot of people doing this (personal observation)

I am gonna end this with one thing, you are what you are, try to improve and not to imitate, or you might just become what we evolved from!!

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Comments
  1. ashish says:

    yar chelsea ki kuch zyada hi burai kardi. :/

  2. Gauri says:

    he he he he he… READ it guys… shuuuuubhaaam is trying to make u “his type” 😛

  3. shubhamc21 says:

    hehe… not my type.. it was an observation not a personal experience 😛

  4. Varun Singh Rao says:

    I have observed the same things …and those persons r not facebook dude but facebook jhuth . !
    Also ,liking chelshit is d epitome of lameness .. even for d ladies .

  5. […] if you’ve read The Facebook dude, you must know this, if she says she loves ET, Star track or any other space movie, MARRY HER!!!!! […]

  6. so here it goes fr ur fav. article as u said! 🙂 ….nice one..! but seems more like u hv explained urself in n out! 😛 jus hv ng a bit mr deeper knowledge dan wat u r askng em to hv…:P n its a try to patronise ppl in a typically unexpected way…especially whn it cms frm u…coz smhw i feel d last 2 lines barely make a diff whn sm1 walks thru d whole article! :P…n i cn find ppl like dis fb dude around….n also “wanabes” fb dude.! 😛 but explaining d whole gen ….but mr frm a kids view actually… thoda sa adolscnt types…! nice article ! 🙂 reflects d amatuer in u…:) d kid..! n also seems good whn sm1 simplifies d chaos of being cool in laymans wrds! 😀 …good one shubham! 🙂 tc…

  7. Akshat Nain says:

    maza nai aya…..tujse xpected zyada tha….

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